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So I am an INFP child of an ENFP mum and an INFJ dad with no siblings. I'm not sure where this post is going or what the point is supposed to be, so sorry if it's long and a bit rambly, but I really do think it could be interesting as it is an excellent case study of these three types.

So, until about age 6 when I first joined kindergarten, I literally lived in an almsot 100% NF bubble. The pros are obvious: I was absolutely accepted in my dreamy, sensitive ways. Essentially, my parents left me to roam my fantasy worlds with very little intervention. The only thing they were strict about was not being mean to people - that's when they would kneel down in front of me, look me sternly in the eyes and tell me that I must never ever bully or discrimnate other children and that I should not blindly follow others when they were doing violent things. My mum was more about the "being nice to everyone" and my dad was more about the "free thinking" aspect of it, but it was a very clear message and I deeply internalized it - not that I never did anything that would contradict it. As a child I lashed out quite a bit at innocent bystander and I wasn't exactly the most friendly creature. But that was because I could not control my emotions and because at home, my emotional expression was not regulated as stongly as that of other children. My parents understood that, I think, and they let me go through the learning process without judging me too harshly. All in all, I loved and still love my NF bubble. From the beginning, our triangle had a tinge of "it is us against the world". This came out especially in extended family reunions. My mothers family is very heavy on ESXP-vibes and my fathers family is dominated by ISXJs. Not to say I don't love them - I love many of my extended family members. But I always had the sense that my parents were both the odd ones out in their respective families, and that whereever we went, the three of us always had this thing going on. A language of our own, an understanding of our personalities that was not shared by the other family members, a way of seeing the world that was soaked in NF-ness. My mothers sister is one badass ESTP-lady and she would often make remarks about how her sister made sure to create a family where her "quirks" were the norm. My fathers family was less affectionate, often anticipating that I would never get anywhere in life due to the laissez-faire way I was raised and my nonexistent understanding of societal norms.

Not that my parents did not teach me about societal norms. They did, but I could always tell it wasn't "You should do this because it is right" but "You should do this because if you don't you will get in trouble out there". The thing is, I didn't understand what "out there" meant until I got into kindergarten and later school. I had had barely any other children in my life up to that point and I had never followed a timetable. As you can imagine, I clashed hard. It's not that I didn't like school - I always like academics, learning how to read and write was incredibly and empowering, maths sucked for me but I loved science as I had always had a passion for nature and animals. I always liked learning, and I was good at it. I was also not inherently rebellious - I could zone out and daydream, but I generally did what I was told if I didn't see a reason not to. But during my first years of schooling, I first encountered mindsets that were at odds with what I had internalized inside the NF bubble. Performance, competition, sacrificing individuality for group cohesion, that sort of stuff was alien to me and I didn't have the maturity to deal with it in a diplomatic way. I would go from shy A student to full blown authority issues, which my teachers were just baffled by and didn't know how to deal with. It was the typical INFP who is laid-back until a core value is attacked and then crusader mode is activated, but the immature 10 year old version of it. I distinctly remember an incident when a PE-teacher taught us a new game and it was essentially about everyone fighting everyone, and I didn't want to play it, and she insisted that this was what the world was like, and I literally barked at her (as a 10 year old!) "WELL THATS NOT A NICE MORALITY!!!"
The other thing is that I was just, well, weird, Luna Lovegoodesque, talking out loud to my imaginary friends and being interested in things not age-appropriate and that didn't always go down well. One kindergarten teacher even armchair-diagnosed me with Aspergers (I never did get tested because my mum refused, but I'm pretty damn sure I don't have it). I always had bullies - but I also always had friends (all sorts types) so I was lucky in that aspect. And I always had my NF bubble to come home to, where all dinner table conversations were about people's emotional entanglement, fiction, spirituality, the latest leftie politics, language etc...

Of course the NF bubble was not all rosy. When there was drama, there was drama. When we get in a fight, its intense. Everything was always overinterpreted, everything was so much more emotionally heavy than it had to be, and sometimes someone should have just screamed: ITS NOT THAT DEEP. Add some mental illness and the stresses of supporting a family of journalists in times of dying newspapers, and you get a mushy mess. The emotionality in my family was intense, overwhelming and omnipresent. During my teens I also started realizing that my parents were so in tune, so empathetic, that they could sense anything I felt and I didn't like that - I wanted to be a misunderstood teen too, and I didn't like them being all over my buisness. So to protect myself from the constant NF-soap opera playing out around me, I started building a sort of fake INTJ persona. I wanted to rebel against my parents like any other kid, and I didn't want to be in on the drama, so I pretended I was a cold, cerebral Sherlock-esque kid. My mum knew it was fake. My dad sometimes fell for it. That is, I don't think he fell for that persona I was trying to create, but he always thought of me as colder and more uncaring than I am. I had a lot of experiences where I was internally exploding with emotion, but he just didn't read it. Maybe it's an Fi/Fe thing? Like, he would sometimes criticize me for not being his idea of empathetic - and when I asked him, his idea of empathetic turned out to be a textbook description of Fe. The Fe/Fi thing was sometimes a source of conflict in our family. Something would set off my mums or my crusader mode, and my dad was trying to keep the harmony and not getting why we had to be so "selfish".
Another thing was Ne/Ni. My dad is always pondering the future of society and he comes up with these grand Ni-prophecies out of literally nowhere, proclaim them with a lot of certainty, and my mum and I will be like... you dont KNOW that... or just kind of make fun of it and be like yeah but what if this and that and so and such... and he'll be really offended because to him, he does know, it's his thing to just know this sort of stuff somehow.
Between my mum and I, conflict mostly comes up when we have to organize something together. We're not terribly bad at it,my mum is actually really good at it, it's just that when we try to do it together, I'll take any criticism of my approach by her too personally because it hits right in my little baby Te that I'm insecure about anyway. Then she gets offended because she doesn't actually like doing this and so on.

A thing that has been fun to observe is how my parents inferior functions have been becoming a real theme as they get older. I once read that sometimes in midlife crisis, your inferior becomes a thing, and I can surely anecdotally confirm that. It was most extreme with my dad. He had a period of Se-indulgence like you've never seen it. As a middle aged man, he suddenly started spending insanse amounts on stuff like gourmet cuisine and freaking LOVE PARADES and TECHNO RAVES. I'm not kidding. It was hilariously out of character and also totally at odds with the direction my mum has been going in: More introverted, less willing to leave the house, very content with comfort and cooking and very careful about wasting resources (thank God she was managing our finances).

I'm 21 now. Even after trying out every value system I encoutered, studying philosophy, reading and travelling to find out what else there is and challenge myself, I still fundamentally agree with the values my parents gave to me. I'm working on getting rid of the fake INTJ, because it's not my true self and I am much happier when I don't lie to myself about not being "in on the drama". I was always in on the drama. But I wouldn't miss it for the world. To explain why, I would like to share a quote from a German documentary about Theodor Adorno, loosely translated by me:

"You'll realize quickly that he got to know happiness in childhood, or at least thought so, and he never let anyone convince him otherwise (...) You see, there are physicists that will draw a conclusion that will change an entire science from something that is mere milliseconds... it works similarly in the humanities or philosophy. If you have, at any point, experienced a kind of happiness, you know for certain it exists, and all of reality can not convince you otherwise. And reality does have a great power to convince us that all these childhood times never were, or never should have been - after all that could become chaotic! - and this, Adorno confronts as an infidel: One cannot but believe in happiness, otherwise, one cannot continue living."

My childhood was magic, and nothing will ever be able to convince me that this magic wasn't real.That's a great gift and I'd love to pass it on one day.

If you've read this far, I'd also love to hear about your typological experiences growing up in your family!!!
 

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Oh I can't wait to have my child with my husband but I could see our parenting skills around the same area. Though he's an INTJ. I think I will love any type I have. I'll encourage them to have an imagination but won't let them feel bad if they lack it.

I grew up in a sensor group. My mother and father are ISTJ and ESFP. My step father who my mother is still with is an ESTJ. My sister is an ESFP and the jury is out on my brother. He's a very peaceful ISTJ or INTJ. I have no problem getting along with them now but I had a rocky start when growing up with my Mother and Sister. My mother for her extreme bluntness that came off cold and uncaring to me and my sister for her wild child attitude and I always was pulled into the tornado she left behind.
 

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I wish there was some magical NF bubble in the world where some of us can live without being stressed all the time while having peace of mind. As for growing up I got the typical American nightmare for a childhood and that is something I will never wish on anyone to experience even those who I have hated.
 

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You are very fortunate. Some people also find this sort of belonging in school or somewhere. What I've found on the forums, at least for infj, it seems some still do not find similar people. I am interested in seeing the difference between one who has 'survived alone' and one who's got that good sense of community. I would say personally that no matter how safe a relationship can be with another sensing type, it does not compare to another NF--but I think it is important that both people know 'who' or what they are.

I had a sensing type family growing up. It was hard for me to take them seriously when you see how they think --their words would certainly make more sense only if coming from a more relatable type. It would add layers to a conversation that I needed. I only got on with life much much later, I had to learn it alone and I often read this for infj.
I would say I kept myself in a bubble but didn't realize. I had to meet a lot of people or gain a lot of experience before it set into my head. I could have learned this on the playground lol--oh well. I do wish I had these solutions when I was a child, would have given me more security.
 

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This is simply fascinating!

My family is the lounge of thinkers. Estp aunt, Estj grandma (both whom I respect as my mothers). So I have a little different experience. But thankfully, one of my other aunt is xnfp (maybe Infp) and we all get along well.

I don't really have nf circles, in my family but I do with my friends and I can say that they are wonderful.

You are so very fortunate to have such a decent family, where you can truly belonged, while most people tend to find it elsewhere. All hail @Philoser!!!!!!!!
 

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Wow that was an awesome post. It's interesting to see the way that dynamic turned out and when you said "OMG ITS NOT THAT DEEP"! I felt you on that lol! lol I felt like that is something that would happen in that scenario. I want to thank you for letting me sort of step into that kind of family for a little and get a slight experience of it, it was nice while I was there lol.

My dad was ISTJ, he was a good provider, but our relationship sucked. My grandma who also helped raise me is an ESFJ, a very worrisome woman. They both think I'm too quiet, my dad stressed for my entire childhood for me to "SPEAK UP!" and "BE RESPONSIBLE!" not in those very words but everything he said boiled down to being more vocal and responsible, Te pretty much, constantly stressing me for more Te, and Si, clean this clean that, typical parent stuff to like the nth degree it felt like though. It was a drill sergeant/soldier relationship, and now it's hard to get out of that, now that I'm older and out the house it's more of a dad/soldier relationship and he's wondering why I am still acting like a soldier, because I'm afraid if I don't he's just gonna get all drill sergeant on me again. I've been molded this way around him so much I'm not sure I can stop.
 

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I also grew up in an NF bubble. However the FiNe counterpart fused with me intensly from birth and it was a difficult to stand in later years as i began to become aware of the repeating patterns that restricted my growth. NiFe counterpart was my ticket to learning about myself. Room closed, studying the mind and how it could be arranged to create direction in marriage with the heart. Similarly to you i was free to do as i pleased without resistence with minor exceptions e.g causing suffering and the 'only us' commication was prevelant in social situations, which weren't many occassions as our family is small and we are quite odd from the outside. To taste normallity and to experiment with loneliness i would create characters at school entertaining everyone including myself then making the return back to adams family after the day. It was some sort of dual life, anyone who found themselves inbetween these two realities suddenly had many questions. I could probably count 1 friend who was chill, though probably because he was shown consistently the games room.

I was a hot and cold child as critcism did not really exist at home, but when i began to recieve it in school it was painful but enjoyable as it was like tangible feedback to my internal world where the information could become a reference point to the direction i would later naturally assume. Receieve enough reference points that have undergone accessment of motive purity and you may see the reality of your person through the eyes of those perspectives and their many reflections. The NiFe figure went through an intense devout religo-spiritual phase in my childhood and deep talks about the forces that be was how we meet and those exchanges planted seeds which only now are growing buds the more connections catalyze. The FiNe was so absorbed in my success as my potential was felt at my birth. Stuck between a psychic and religiously inclined authority figures was interesting and spacious as a child. Very happy. 5 stars
 

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This post was so awesome and made me chuckle like crazy.
I’m ENFP and married to a INFP and our kids are INTP and my son is ENFx. Someone has to be the J? Anyway, we just spent time with my family that is N- heavy. 14 Ns and just 1 ISTP (my dad) and a baby (who knows?) in a cabin. Good times!
My husband’s family is all xSTJ so my kids definitely hear the “us versus them” unfortunately. I think I talk very candidly with my kids about all things and my ENFP Mom tried desperately to shield us and also talked a lot about the importance of being different and not a follower and she tried to set up some fears about the outside world growing up. What I realize is that with this much Fi or Ti going on in my house my kids couldn’t be followers if they desperately try and I want them to feel the world is a safe place and hopefully they do. My mom’s tactics didn’t work on me actually. I can absolutely be myself and absolutely also trust life and others too. (Fi and Te more balanced I guess).
I had the opportunity to read something my daughter wrote about our family when she was in 2nd grade. She said, “Being funny is very important in my family. We love being funny and laughing.” I liked that. I didn’t expect that. But it’s true. We love to laugh. Lots of Ne humor going on.
Also, yeah, the only real hard value ever, the only time I get serious and talk sternly is if my kids do something that could be perceived as rude. Routines are really easy in our family and arguments are few and are usually about me wanting more time and talking with everyone. Lol

My kids are really fantastic people! They are super excited to learn everything and anything and often choose to watch documentaries. We like swimming. My husband is really funny and we love being together. We moved to a beautiful place. I hold the finances together, like your mom does. My kids are going to do good things in this world. I bet your parents think the same for you. The only thing that is probably a bit off-kilter is that my son probably doesn’t value his language art ability as uncommon. He should. He has a lot of talent. My daughter gets lots of attention academically and as a INTP she knows her worth and doesn’t sweat stuff and she finds endless fascination in her own mind. My son did assume in his young years that he knew everything— and he really does know a lot— but he is struggling with expressing Fi in the T world .. eh.. I just realized he isn’t a J after all. But that is just going to happen until Te kicks in. He’s drinking everything in. He will get it, hopefully.

Also, the fake INTJ actually comes off as INFx to me... maybe you’re getting closer. J.K. Rowling’s type INFx closer (I’m not sure or anything but I thought I heard she tests INFP and self-identifies INFJ.)
 
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