Sort of, but l think a lot of it is because some aspects of dating and attraction have been made so...weird, socially.
l can't necessarily relate to ''crush talk'' or discuss every boy within a 10 mile radius, but if l'm into someone l'll basically express it the way anyone else does.
Also once you get past a certain point, er...sexually...you just don't really care anymore.
I recently noticed that I feel a certain guilt/stigma/shame/ or whatever you call it when I show any signs of interest in the opposite sex a lot of the time.
I realise how irrational this is, and I'm not by any means a reserved person at all, far from it. Yet for some reason I get a strong sense of guilt when it comes to women in any manner other than simply "professional", "polite" and basically impersonal.
It may be caused by my conservative/religious background, and I've been trying to overcome it.
Has anyone else encountered/overcome this before?
I'm not religious or anything but I do kind of feel shame about having feelings and attraction to women.
Its like I want to be open and ask them out and everything, but I'm just too afraid to do it.
Its silly but somehow I'm afriad of that reaction, I'm kind of afriad of the whole relationship thing in general.
(I have NO IDEA on how to handle it all)
And its not like I'm an awkward 16/17 year old here, I'm 22! -_-
Well, even when I know a girl is attracted to me the feeling is still there, its not the implications/consequences of the feelings that make me feel guilty but the feelings themselves that make me guilty
So how to cure it?
It's not a "may be" situation. That IS the reason it's happening.
But do the feelings themselves create guilt? Like I said above its not the implications/consequences of the feelings that make me feel guilty but the feelings themselves that make me guilty, I'm not sure if you can relate.I am like that around most women. When I want to express it, I just presume they will skew it as perviness or sexism. Something.
I think you have made some big jumps while you rationalise it. I don't feel parasitical in anyway, it is an innate sense of guilt for something that I think a lot of others don't feel guilty about, and the fact there is innate guilt makes expressing it externally even more frustrating.You would have to explain more deeply what is is you feel when attraction begins.
At a guess you let your lust enter the picture mentally and your emotional need(s). You may imagine yourself a vampire like or at least somewhat selfish entity engaged in a one sided (imagination often is) enjoyment of the target woman. Then, you feel guilty for your selfish desires and feelings. Very simple really.
But also very conceited. You are not that special my friend. Everyone else has these same feelings. Neither are you the universe's target for shame and mandatory politeness. You are part of the whole equation and you are allowed those feelings of lust and selfish interest for a damn good reason. Now own them. They are you. Get comfortable with them and appreciate them.
Can you not enjoy a good wine or fantastic food? Do you have no appetite when you approach them? It is the same for women. But you have to be a connoisseur. Learn to read the target and appreciate it for what it is. You may tear into a hamburger with reckless abandon, but Filet Minon is meant to be savored. Appetite is normal and not something to feel so guilty about. She has one to.
It's true there are some women out there that will look first for a polite and not heavy handed approach, but, they still want to see that comfortable self-interest behind your veneer of appropriate behavior. Your animal is still you. If you can't let it out of its cage and control it, that is not good and you need to find out why.
I think you have made some big jumps while you rationalise it. I don't feel parasitical in anyway, it is an innate sense of guilt for something that I think a lot of others don't feel guilty about, and the fact there is innate guilt makes expressing it externally even more frustrating.
Its like I want to drink lots of whiskey, and the fact I have this want, makes me feel guilty, other people don't really come into play with regards to the roots of my guilt. My own want itself creates that.
Its not like, I want to drink lots of whiskey, but I'm ambivalent about it myself, however I don't want other people to know I want whiskey in case of the implications of that (e.g. they may think I'm an alcoholic/my habit is destructive etc)
This is why I feel it is so irrational and something I want to shake off, morals aside, its like feeling guilty for eating food.
Btw the theatrical style of your writing amuses me.
With the first reference to whiskey you are talking about the guilt of over-indulging. This is an appropriate arena for guilt. However, you are running your brain and simulating this as a projection into the future. It's great that your simulator warned you not to over-indulge. You are prescient now then about the very real guilt you should feel then, if, in fact, you do over-indulge. But for the simulator, turn the guilt off with the end of the simulation.
Your next paragraph allows us some insight. You are far too worried about what other people see as you, your image. As long as you get right within yourself, and according to your own moral code, that will work itself out. Trying to live according to someone else's codes and project that image causes you to become deceptive. Incidentally, I didn't get that impression reading your stuff. The deception is one you are pulling on yourself. Playing games internally. Even the game of trying to project an image. It's just more simulation that you are amusing yourself with.
So it still comes down to turning off the simulator at some point. Live the real experience and pay attention to the real input you get. Try to forbid the dreamworld, the intuition, until you can get it back into some form of alignment with reality. The thousand what-if and oh-I-bet tugs of your conscious mind can be ignored with discipline. Or you can at least put in a filter that only lets through the ones that seem at little less "wow" or "shame on me" and a little more "yeah-that-could-happen-and-wouldn't-be-so-bad".
Hey, it's awesome to be amusing. That has always been a background goal to my efforts. It's great to hear it is paying off sometimes. Thanks!
I personally can be hesitant about showing attraction due to the fact that it can be taken as creepiness and so on. But for the most part I don't try to hide it because I generally feel like my attraction is going to come out as obvious either way.
A lot of it has to deal with the modern feminist agenda. With all the politically correct sexual harassment BS it makes you nervous in a lot of cases to give a simple compliment like you look nice or pointing out something that visually looks nice (and I'm not even talking about going up and saying "Nice tits\ass" but any compliment that points out her feminine appearance).I am like that around most women. When I want to express it, I just presume they will skew it as perviness or sexism. Something.