Personality Cafe banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

4,347 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Probably one of the biggest sins within a relationship, aside from cheating, is trying to change somebody.

With INFPs being, by definition, the "inspirers" and "idealists," do you think that sometimes we may try too hard to create something in a place where it may not exist? Or, do we push it to a point where our comments may turn invalid?

I consider myself very accepting of the unique differences in people, but they will often come to me talking about problems in their life. Naturally, when you hear someone tell you a problem you often try to guide them in a direction to help alleviate stress. Long story short, you try to be supportive and usually offer advice.

After a recent breakup I've started to realize that maybe I push my go-getter attitude a little too hard on people, which is usually the people I end up dating. Specifically, I cited a problem with lack of communication on her end as being detrimental to us. This was apparent from the beginning and I slowly nurtured it being supportive and saying that I'd like to know what's on her mind -- I'd ask her questions, compliments her, ask her how she feels about _____ and what not. Often she had virtually no opinion on anything and almost never asked things of myself. She said "cuddling is my way of communicating." I understand there are times for words and time for just physical touch and attraction to one another, but sometimes it felt like I was dating a mime.

In the end, I stressed how important communication was and that I was only interested in it because I wanted to learn more about her. She said she will never be that type of person and said I was trying to change her. Being slightly jaded I retorted that it's okay to not talk to the rest of the world, but not with someone you may spend the rest of your life with.

Reflecting back on my relationship with her and other people, I realized in some senses I may have been pushy on certain qualities that would improve their lives. In a majority of cases I was "right" on what to do, but not in the way I may have presented it.

With all that in mind, I'm curious how other INFPs may try to invoke both those principles as an inspirer / idealist and build that world we're looking for. Are you sometimes guilty of what I mentioned? Feel free to share any additional thoughts as well.

Good INFP breakup song?
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.