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This is specifically about friendships between men and women.

In my short 21 years on this planet, this topic has come up many many times before. This specific question is not whether or not men and women can be just friends. I don't know if this is a cultural thing but the only people I have ever heard saying that men and women cannot be friends without feelings getting involved are Americans on television and on youtube. To be unable to have and sustain platonic relationships with another person because of their gender is cause for concern js. So not to drag this part out I'll cut a long story short and answer that for you: Yes, yes they can be just friends. Now that that is out of the way...

The real topic that I wanted to bring up was the idea that a lot of my female peers have on the quality of friendships between a male and a female vs two females. Recently my friend asked me if I had more guy friends or if I had more girl friends to which I replied "I have more friends who are girls". She made a face. When I asked her the same she said that she has more guy friends because girls are too problematic and only like drama.

This is not the first time another girl told me this, but it is the first time since starting uni. In primary school and secondary school, it was the same thing. Personally, I don't think that girls are particularly problematic, in fact, I think that they're lovely. It makes me wonder if I am missing something that everyone else is seeing/ experiencing or maybe that the people that I am surrounded by are atypical. In that respect I must be lucky. My two cents here is that it seems like an idea like this would stem from a weird perception of your own gender and thus begs the question of what that means for your own self-perception as a female. Or is the speaker exempted from the "Girls only like drama" narrative? Maybe it's because we're young and trying to impress? impress who? idk

I just wanted to know what people's take on this is. As a female do you actively try to form friendships with guys more than girls for a similar reason? Have you ever thought about it? I would love to hear what dudes think about this also.
 

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I don't actively seek out or avoid friendship with either. I do sometimes feel a disconnect with many women, but I think perhaps that is due to the fact that the majority I come into contact with are feelers. Many like to share their thoughts and emotions with each other, and I don't care to do that with anyone outside of my husband. So I daresay many women do not find friendship with me satisfying. Although I get along quite well with my INFJ daughter. However I believe my INFP daughter in law finds me quite puzzling. (as do I her)
 

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Not in all

There is always an exception

But in most of the cases I have observed women stating crap like:
“I like men, because women are so drama”
The same women stating that often throw themselves at men, call it friendship and are HIGHLY insecure and territorial (in many of those cases). Not talking about the butch shop chick who truly has a lot in common with the burly men or some crap. Thinking of some ironically rather cookie cutter chick who is often quite flirtatious with men and confuses this as they are one of the guys. Often times these women are the MOST drama and create it themselves with other women with their own insecurity and territory claiming.

They also often try and use it as a way to some how promote the idea they are down to earth or some crap when usually they are often the highest maintenance bridzillas from what I have seen. They will take on hobbies of the object of their affection to promote an illusion they are down to earth, yet often these same women resemble the model of a stepford wife for sake of depth.

Irony
Usually actually Tom boys (again aside from burly shop chicks), anyways usually most Tom boys or women with more masculine temperament are quite often neutral or even more so competitive with males (and not females).

Anyways most chicks that say stupid shit like this out loud in a passive aggressive way of making a statement (outside this thread) are very often trying to create an illusion they are not as high maintenance as they truly are. That is my random observation.

I almost always roll eyes at the silly brod who brings the most drama yet states how they hate drama and are just one of the guys (yeah right) :rollseyes:
 

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Of course men and women can just be friends. But at the same time they also need to be honest with one another where if feelings develop, then that person stops being a friend and now they're the object of your romantic fancy.

At that point you have several options but once feelings develop generally it becomes harder and harder to just be friends.

If no romantic feelings develop then good for both of you and enjoy the friendship.
 

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I'm friends with who I'm friends with, regardless of gender. My best friend is a guy but that has to do with being raised almost as siblings and not a gender thing. But my friends are a good mix of both.

I have plenty of female friends and no problems or drama.
 

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Not in all

There is always an exception

But in most of the cases I have observed women stating crap like:
“I like men, because women are so drama”
The same women stating that often throw themselves at men, call it friendship and are HIGHLY insecure and territorial (in many of those cases). Not talking about the butch shop chick who truly has a lot in common with the burly men or some crap. Thinking of some ironically rather cookie cutter chick who is often quite flirtatious with men and confuses this as they are one of the guys. Often times these women are the MOST drama and create it themselves with other women with their own insecurity and territory claiming.

They also often try and use it as a way to some how promote the idea they are down to earth or some crap when usually they are often the highest maintenance bridzillas from what I have seen. They will take on hobbies of the object of their affection to promote an illusion they are down to earth, yet often these same women resemble the model of a stepford wife for sake of depth.

Irony
Usually actually Tom boys (again aside from burly shop chicks), anyways usually most Tom boys or women with more masculine temperament are quite often neutral or even more so competitive with males (and not females).

Anyways most chicks that say stupid shit like this out loud in a passive aggressive way of making a statement (outside this thread) are very often trying to create an illusion they are not as high maintenance as they truly are. That is my random observation.

I almost always roll eyes at the silly brod who brings the most drama yet states how they hate drama and are just one of the guys (yeah right) :rollseyes:
Everything you just said.
I wish I could thank this twice.
 

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Depends on when you are in life (your age), your region (as in culture), education and your social circles.

She made a face. When I asked her the same she said that she has more guy friends
Eventually in life we hang out and build more relationships with people who are compatible or able to stand us (stand each other), in unhealthy cases well, when they have symbiotic relationships. Other than that, it's just the mind not gender.

because girls are too problematic and only like drama.
I believe my first line applies here. I do agree girls are too problematic and enjoy/build/feed drama, but it depends, my idea comes from majorities, the common denominator BUT take in count the culture, why? traveling and meeting diff people from diff countries allowed me to see different patterns to some extent, so it's not the same everywhere.

I don't think that girls are particularly problematic, in fact, I think that they're lovely.
Where I worked for 13+ years it was mostly women, the boss of the whole section was a woman, she said women were lovely, she also referred to the staff (and directly to women) as dumb, idiots, without class. Sometimes she talked to me personally and came to my office God knows why!!! and complained about specific stuff, I talked sometimes and it seemed we agreed, but anytime she thought in numbers women were looking good, she would jump right back and express women are winners, they are lovely, fighters, etc. (In numbers, at least there, women did the worst job, always late, always needing correction).

My point there (above) is she still said her female staff was great and lovely. The majority of women (her staff) said "our boss is lovely, kind, smart, wise", and also said she was a damn bitch, fucking idiot. This boss "hated" why some men (us, the minorities) didn't fly to her office to tell her how great she was, actually we all were minding our own business and keeping distance, she wanted us to be agreeable. When due to political reasons she received threats, most of the whole section said "wish they kill the fucking witch".

In my region there are several jokes regarding what I described above. A man can cut his hard badly and other men (and friends) will tell him "you look terrible, your head is too big for your body, you stupid fuck, did you pay for that"? some will be jokes (mostly) and some will be direct comments. While women can do the same (terrible haircut) and you can actually see them saying "it looks lovely!!!!!" then she turns back and say "gosh she looks terrible".

In short: it depends on the kind of people you have around (and yourself), culture specially. What I've seen over the years at least in my region... it's something I don't like, can't help to build an opinion (regionally) and speaks very bad about themselves. I also had more women over the years in my region switching sides and loving to work with men instead.
 

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I have more guy friends bc I'm from the silicon valley ( more male population) also I rarely approach people ( though I'm friendly ) and male approach me more.
The level of friendship are the same to me- my girl friends are less dramatic than my guy friends ( none are anywhere near dramatic )
I enjoy both

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
 

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Not in all

There is always an exception

But in most of the cases I have observed women stating crap like:
“I like men, because women are so drama”
The same women stating that often throw themselves at men, call it friendship and are HIGHLY insecure and territorial (in many of those cases). Not talking about the butch shop chick who truly has a lot in common with the burly men or some crap. Thinking of some ironically rather cookie cutter chick who is often quite flirtatious with men and confuses this as they are one of the guys. Often times these women are the MOST drama and create it themselves with other women with their own insecurity and territory claiming.

They also often try and use it as a way to some how promote the idea they are down to earth or some crap when usually they are often the highest maintenance bridzillas from what I have seen. They will take on hobbies of the object of their affection to promote an illusion they are down to earth, yet often these same women resemble the model of a stepford wife for sake of depth.

Irony
Usually actually Tom boys (again aside from burly shop chicks), anyways usually most Tom boys or women with more masculine temperament are quite often neutral or even more so competitive with males (and not females).

Anyways most chicks that say stupid shit like this out loud in a passive aggressive way of making a statement (outside this thread) are very often trying to create an illusion they are not as high maintenance as they truly are. That is my random observation.

I almost always roll eyes at the silly brod who brings the most drama yet states how they hate drama and are just one of the guys (yeah right) :rollseyes:
I have heard a few women profess to preferring the friendship of men over women, and they actually tend to be very tomboyish. On the other hand, I am not looking for this trait (preferring male friendship) nor do I associate with excessively flirtatious women, so there is that.

Overall, I generally prefer to be friends with guys, since I feel like I can be more open and comfortable around them. I work somewhere that is overwhelmingly female, and I relate very well to the few men in the office. I do tend to actively seek out female friends, though that is partly to help me find potential dates.
 

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I have heard a few women profess to preferring the friendship of men over women, and they actually tend to be very tomboyish. On the other hand, I am not looking for this trait (preferring male friendship) nor do I associate with excessively flirtatious women, so there is that.

Overall, I generally prefer to be friends with guys, since I feel like I can be more open and comfortable around them. I work somewhere that is overwhelmingly female, and I relate very well to the few men in the office. I do tend to actively seek out female friends, though that is partly to help me find potential dates.
I believe you are seeing the actual women who are friends with guys

More so than that you as a male would be on the receiving end of listening to females say comments like how they prefer guys. Mainly because this is usually the commentary of women who are not actually one of the guys. Maybe I am wrong. I think it is more so a territorial and passive aggressive comment emotionally high maintenance women make when they are insecure to other women. Just for the record I am saying this observation with no hostility as I myself am not largely effected by this. Mainly because I am the argumentative brat with most men or competitor so these sorts of women hardly put much effort into me as I am not a threat. If anything they try and use me as a weapon. I am good armor for these sorts of women because I can argue their case if it appeals to my sense of rebellion. I could start a cult with these kinds of women :laughing: if I had any energy or agenda to do so.

This is an intimidation strategy for someone to try and weaponize against other women (its done on the sly rarely blatant in front of men). Subtle bull shit. As I said it’s really not something I am on the receiving end of just something I observe. These are women who confuse getting gang banged by the football team as being one of the guys. And they weaponize. I get what you’re saying but I just think you’re observing the actual Tom boys who are probably one of the guys.

Meh it’s all silly.

Not saying I own a monopoly on being a Tom boy in plenty of ways I am feminine or androgynous. But for sake of this topic. I am pretty quick to compete with men at work or sport to a healthy degree that is. I want respect that is earned through throwing down and pulling out what I got. Not by mingling (ew). When I say i compete I don’t mean like in a feminist against man sorts way. I don’t want to win because I am a girl, I want to win because I won. Most women in this regard don’t come into play because in most cases they do not compete for sport. Hence what i was saying they are competing with other women over territory. It’s actually very primitive
 

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I just wanted to know what people's take on this is. As a female do you actively try to form friendships with guys more than girls for a similar reason? Have you ever thought about it? I would love to hear what dudes think about this also.
I think (every) specimen has the "I don't know what the fuck 90% people are talking about," thing happening, because finding mutuality for anyone is often difficult - or so it seem(s) the main complaint among most humanoids. Not because there is some (general) dysfunction specifically among (women) to which cannot be understood. With male or female - my enjoyment in their time is often staged/faked with a smile or laugh and considerate nod - however, internally, "lolcan't relate - don't care."

Ex;

There was a female-specimen that did not speak an ounce of English I ran into in a store line. She gives me this look; then glares at her husband; then back to me, as I stand holding my stuff to checkout. I understood that look. Think we all do. I just smirked at her (&) let it go. We probably had jackshit in common, as well.

And that is all that seem(s) to matter. I will admit, the male-humanoid was at first a (potential romantic) interest, but once that beginning 'you have teh boobz' state of mind is over with, most of my male associates view me so neutrally (with like interests) when they realize coitus is out the window - that we have (much interests) in common, it makes no sense to just "not talk".
 

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No, men and women can't just be friends.
The biological motives that drive men and women to interact are sexual.
Any attempt to be friends is an attempt to override or capitalize on this innate desire and the friendship is therefore not genuine.

At most, they can be "friends" but never to the same extent that two men or two women can.
 

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*humms*
mmmm mm mmm mmmm mmmm

*hums more clearly*

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend with weed is better
A friend with breast and all the rest
A friend who's dressed in leather

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend who'll tease is better
Our thoughts compressed
Which makes us blessed
And makes for stormy weather

A friend in need's a friend indeed
My Japanese is better
And when she's pressed she will undress
And then she's boxing clever

 

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I find it hard to connect with most men, but I would say my closest friend is male. That been said I have several female friends as well, and tend to find it easier to talk and connect to women. Can't really say why except that the majority of men are concerned with things that just don't interest me... Sports, domination, other bs like that.
 

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I have more friends who are girls, but I suspect this is only because my program in university (a non-STEM field) was like 90% women. I have never avoided befriending guys, but outside of my two only guy friends I have just rarely been in situations where I was around many of them long enough to develop a real friendship.

I think your friend's assertion that "women are dramatic" is reductive and kind of stupid but also, from my admittedly limited experience hanging out with (especially straight) dudes, the communication styles are often different than those of women. I feel like guys spend more time doing activities together (watching TV, sports, whatever--basically impersonal activities) whereas women spend more time talking. If the women you surround yourself with talk about others or gossip, and that's your main way of interacting, then I guess yeah, women are dramatic.
 

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All my friends are female, and I've never once encountered any sort of drama with them. Of course, it could be because we're mature and not interested in any of that.

I prefer female friends simply because it's annoying to have a guy mistake the friendship for something more. Happens too many times to the point it's put me off. I have more typically masculine interests though, and I only talk about geeky stuff with female friends (video games, etc). We never talk about feminine things even if we are women, so I never understood the stereotyping.
 

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As a female do you actively try to form friendships with guys more than girls for a similar reason?
no . . . but i'm in my 50's. i do think there's a subtextual social thing going on although i don't think everyone who gives any of the available answers is automatically speaking with kool-aid breath. when i was in my 20's and 30's it was definitely there. and actually, men were the ones i constantly caught trying to feed me that line of 'women are so drama, you as a woman don't really like other women . . . do ya? right?' and waiting for me to echo it back so i could earn my 'chill' badge. nah, fuck that; i really like women and i think i always have. all my close and enduring friends are women (i lie; there's a perc member i count as a very good friend, who is not).

i wouldn't say there was ever any intentional policy decision underneath that, but there is a certain wariness/awareness that men aren't the same thing. either they don't metabolize friendship as evenly as women do, so it does tend to turn into 'romance' in tehir bloodstreams . . . or there's an awareness that there is simply a water-table of commonality between me and another women that men can't get to.

idk what to say though. one of my benchmarks is body-based conversations. i'm suppressing the default impulse to provide examples to illustrate; things that i just don't believe any man would be able to get. it's not that hte same conversation with a man wouldn't be equally wonderful if i had it, but with a man it's an information exchange. i tell him things about having a female body; he tells me things i didn't know about his. but with another woman, it's just a straight up shared-consciousness thing. we get each other in some ways without even having to do translation. i love that.

not that everythign is about the bodies. i just find that one of the more straightforward examples of it.
 
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No, men and women can't just be friends.
The biological motives that drive men and women to interact are sexual.
Any attempt to be friends is an attempt to override or capitalize on this innate desire and the friendship is therefore not genuine.

At most, they can be "friends" but never to the same extent that two men or two women can.
It seems to me that you became the victim of strategy based on one and only tool.



I seriously pity you for such artificially narrow, perhaps cynical view of the world. Because it is kind of self-defeating.
 
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