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Let's be real: we ENFPs aren't known for our follow-through on commitments of any kind (big or small). It's not impossible, but sometimes it's tough. It seems like every time we commit to something, the grass becomes greener -- and sometimes it turns blue -- which means we DEFINITELY have to check it out!

But as much as I hate the feeling of being "trapped," I hate being seen as unreliable. I also really dislike constantly changing my mind all the time! I want to stick to things -- it's just hard to see how when my Extraverted Intuition kicks in with some new possibilities.

Tired of being afraid to commit, I came up with this list this morning. These are questions to ask myself: (1) before making a commitment, (2) while contemplating "uncommitting" from something, and (3) after "uncommitting." I know how difficult it is to understand a commitment once you're in it as an ENFP, so I hope this proves helpful! Please feel free to contribute!! :)

QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE COMMITTING TO SOMETHING NEW
- Is this something I really want to do? Why? Why wouldn't I want to do this?
- What are some potential obstacles or red flags? How will I deal with them?
- What are the long-term and short-term consequences of making this commitment? What are the short-term and long-term consequences if I don't make it?
- Is there an out? Under which circumstances would I take it? What are the details and consequences of the out?
- Which possibilities open as a result of making this commitment? Which ones close?
- Is this commitment aligned with who I am? With my values?
- Am I making this commitment for myself or for others? Or both? Who does it affect?
- Is making this commitment in conflict with other commitments I've made? If yes, which ones? And how does it conflict?
- What does my life look like with this commitment? What resources are needed to sustain this commitment? (Get specific.)
- How long do I have to make my decision? Can it wait an hour? A day? - A week? (Conversely: am I procrastinating my choice? If so, why do I think I am?)

QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE UNCOMMITTING
- What new information has been made available that I didn't know before?
- What's making me doubt my decision?
- Imagine I stick with it. What does that look like? Imagine I don't -- what does that look like?
- What are the short-term and long-term consequences of uncommitting?
- Is there a way of leaving that doesn't burn bridges? Can I prepare for an exit in a dignified manner?
- What have I tried to make it work? Are there things I could tweak to make it more bearable? Are there things others could do to make it more bearable? (Think really hard about this one.)
- Have I used the resources available to me? Have I consulted others for guidance, support, or help?
- How will continuing to commit help my bigger goals? How will uncommitting support my bigger goals?
- What would I miss or potentially give up by uncommitting? Is it worth it?
Does uncommitting affect any of my other commitments? How?
- Have I been committing fully up until this point or half-heartedly? Before uncommitting, is there a way I could give more (even if I don't want to or don't feel like it)? Am I trying my best or am I set on a "grass is greener" outcome?
- Can I think about and/or delay my decision for a day? A week? A month? Do I have to make the decision to uncommit RIGHT now? If so, why? (If I think my commitment is killing my spirit, ask why -- get specific. Then think if there are any things I can change without changing EVERYTHING. Remember the easiest solution isn't the only one -- nor the best, necessarily. Get creative.)
- Would a temporary change of scenery or break help? (Could be 15 minutes, an hour, a week, a month -- some period of time where I am not thinking about the commitment AT ALL.) Have I tried? Try it (really!) and then ask these questions again.
- Who does this commitment affect? Am I prepared to deal with the consequences of this on my relationships? Have I involved affected parties into my questioning process? Why or why not? Would their opinion or input sway my decision?

QUESTIONS TO ASK AFTER UNCOMMITTING
- Have I uncommitted gracefully? Have I explained my reasons to myself and others? Do I personally accept these reasons? Do I forgive myself for not following through?
- Have I tied up all necessary loose ends? Or am I leaving others to handle my mess?
- After some time has passed, have I checked back in at all? Or am I hiding in disappointment/shame -- pretending it all never happened? Why or why not?
- Now that I've uncommitted, would I go back? Could I go back? Why would I want to?
- What have I learned? What would I do the same? What would I do differently?
 

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I actually only thanked this post because it seems to apply to a lot of people here and you have given this some serious thought.

I have no commitment issues. But then again, I don't live in the future. Maybe you should just focus on right now. I mean, what does commitment really mean if you have perfect values? It becomes pointless.

The way you think will only lead to fear, anxiety, stress and so on. Can you really enjoy a moment you spend together if you're so future orientated? But moreover, can you enjoy the next moment just as much without creating (wrong) expectations? (Having expectations is inherently wrong because it distracts us from what is in front of us right now)
 

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I actually only thanked this post because it seems to apply to a lot of people here and you have given this some serious thought.

I have no commitment issues. But then again, I don't live in the future. Maybe you should just focus on right now. I mean, what does commitment really mean if you have perfect values? It becomes pointless.

The way you think will only lead to fear, anxiety, stress and so on. Can you really enjoy a moment you spend together if you're so future orientated? But moreover, can you enjoy the next moment just as much without creating (wrong) expectations? (Having expectations is inherently wrong because it distracts us from what is in front of us right now)
What do you mean by perfect values?
 

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What do you mean by perfect values?
A value that is not bounded by fear, based on fear or even remotely related to fear. Ego must not play a part when we create values. That way we can stay emotionally detached, objective and fair and understand the present.

Of course this is very hard, maybe even impossible but it's the only way I can do the right thing.


 
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