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Hanging out with people.

2712 Views 15 Replies 13 Participants Last post by  TheOwl
So I was hanging out with a long time friend of mine at his place, helping his girl do physics and materials science homework, and just chatting. At some point he mentioned that I could and should come hang out at his place whenever I felt like it.

So my question is this, is it normal or even expected that I just randomly stop by and hang out with friends?

I've never known what is normal or expected with friends, probably because my parents never had any over, and have always planned out meeting people beforehand. Does this lead me into always being less of a close friend?

Could you give me some examples of how you hang out with your friends?
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I usually call or they contact me.
We sometimes meet at places like the bar or what-have-you.

Just remember to have fun and not get hung up on your insecurities.
It is a buzzkill.
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my experience: some people like it. i've known someone like that for years... she moved and i appreciate it a lot that i've recently found one again.

i call him before i get there though and ask if he's home. he doesn't stop whatever he's doing, i either get out my laptop and work or watch him doing whatever it is he is doing (perhaps help if i can). chat a bit, spend a few hours, go home. it's pleasantly uncomplicated and satisfies the most urgent need for social interaction.
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That awkward moment when someone wants to hang out with you...

I know what you mean. My friends always tell me to just stop by but, I feel like I'm inviting myself if I ask to come over. Essentially I am.
Ugh! Sometimes I hate having friends. I found myself hiding in my room last night with the lights off since I didn't want to go out with my friend even though I told her I would. Some people expect to see each other like every weekend and its just too much for me. I think people are way too social sometimes!

I rarely stop by people's places unless free food and alcohol is involved. I dont really like visiting people unless we going out. I hate sitting in other people's houses talking [which I hate to do] and watching tv when I could do that at home. Its worse when other people are over and I have to pretend to be interested in meeting them and laugh at all of their corny jokes.
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Since my bestfriend is also an introvert, we usually meet up once every few weeks. ALWAYS planned ahead at least 12 hours beforehand though. Other than that, we chill on the comp and chat nearly everyday with each other lol.
OT: I think you should do as he says, just go whenever you want. If he has any complaints or anything if you do pop out of no where, just remind him he said it himself. And there, now you know next time to call first.
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I used to drop by my friends' houses when I was a kid, usually unannounced. But now that my friends have lives that don't just include masturbation and video games, I tend to call.
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I'll tell ya the truth--I have the same problem.

I feel like, according to American hospitality, it's incredibly rude to just "drop in" on people, and anyone who tells me otherwise is just fulfilling some social ritual. I really can't tell myself.

Might wanna call and ask if you can come over, first.
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This depends on factors like extroversion and location. If in the US just showing up is rude, as @holyrockthrower says, maybe you should announce yourself, but if she invited you, maybe you can try once and just drop by and see. Or ask before, if it is really okay to just come if you'll feel like it. I know about Americans just from the sitcoms and they do appear to spend a lot of time at each other's places.

For example, I come from a more sociable, temperamental area of Europe and people hang out a lot. You can just sit in front of your house and sooner or later someone will drop by, because they would be bored at home. On the contrast, I used to live in Holland, where they mark in their agendas everything, including the most friendly visit, for about two weeks in advance (like "Thursday, 5.4.2012, 16-18h, hanging out with Darner").

However, do keep in mind that they expect reciprocity. If you'll just drop by whenever, they'll also drop by whenever they'll feel like it. If you don't want them around your house, you should show them you like them to announce themselves.
It's always so damn complicated to see when exactly you can just drop by a friend. That feeling when you don't know at what time you should go is really awkward for ISTP's.
I don't like that idea either. My ISTP boyfriend told me I can drop by whenever I feel like it. I feel uncomfortable doing that so I facebook him first (he doesn't have a phone!)

One time when I was at his place, we walked to his neighbor's house, took his basketball, and played with his hoop.
Another time, we just walked into the neighbor's house, found the guy who lived there and asked him to hang out lol. If it was just me, I would have rang the doorbell.

My boyfriend is not very private compared to a lot of ISTPs.
Actually, sometimes that bothers me. When I have a text message, he often picks up my phone and reads it.
... *stares unbelieving* ... and he's still your boyfriend? AND alive?
When I have a text message, he often picks up my phone and reads it.
The chance of your boyfriend being an ISTP gravitates towards zero.
I don't like that idea either. My ISTP boyfriend told me I can drop by whenever I feel like it. I feel uncomfortable doing that so I facebook him first (he doesn't have a phone!)

One time when I was at his place, we walked to his neighbor's house, took his basketball, and played with his hoop.
Another time, we just walked into the neighbor's house, found the guy who lived there and asked him to hang out lol. If it was just me, I would have rang the doorbell.

My boyfriend is not very private compared to a lot of ISTPs.
Actually, sometimes that bothers me. When I have a text message, he often picks up my phone and reads it.
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I concur. Taking someone else's property without asking or viewing people's private messages without asking isn't really how we roll. Mainly because we think before we act, and the risks outweigh the advantages in both cases.

We never get caught with our hand in the cookie jar.
The chance of your boyfriend being an ISTP gravitates towards zero.
I think its different for every relationship. I feel awkward setting things up with friends more than once a fortnight (don't want to be accused of being clingy/needy etc), but there's been times when I've had friends drop by everyday at work for an hour or two, and I always enjoyed that, and with some people, I would want to see them everyday.

I'm sure you'll figure out what is right for you ;-)
eh, he tests as an ISTP, but I think he might be an extremely messy ISTJ who admires chaos (do those exist?).
Definitely an IXTX type, though. I'm pretty sure he's an enneagram type 8 as well.

One time I got a text while driving and asked him to read it for me, and he just continued to want to read my texts for me...
The chance of your boyfriend being an ISTP gravitates towards zero.
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