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sometimes it feels like i'm dreaming and this reality is just ...off. Something's so superficial about it and everyday i'm hoping that i will just wake up and be in a completely different reality where i belong. How can i be happy if i'm always thinking that? Life seems so unspectacular and mundane. When i was a kid there was so much wonderment and anticipation for the future but now it's just a bunch of unfulfilled dreams and nothing is how i ever thought it would be.

I've waited this long and now you are going to tell me that i was wrong the whole time? That this is what "life" is? I was brought into this world for what? this?

i was going to write im sorry for ranting but im not and i shouldnt be. Such an infp thing to say and it's ridiculous. okay maybe i am a little sorry for calling it ridiculous, but im not sorry.

happy infps, guide the unhealthy infps, otherwise ....nothing happens. yep not making sense. still not sorry.
 

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How can you be happy?..try to focus on the good things while ignoring the bad. Focus on a great dream, on positive friends or family. We were brought on this life to enjoy it to the best we can, that's my opinion at least. I feel very much like you abouat those things, but I try not to feel bad about things I cannot change and try to change for the better those I can. And I try to focus on what makes me happy and ignore or leave out the things that don't Yeah, it's hard but it can be done.
 

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I don't have any answers :(

But I am quite happy. I can't put my finger on how I became so. Perhaps I lowered my expectations a bit,
both to my self and others?
I can't be perfect and so can nobody else.
But I really don't think that this are the core of all infpies neurosis.

I was however quite a miserable mess some years ago.

Perhaps the passing of those extreme childhood emotions leave us jaded in youth,
and that it will get better (hopefully) with age?
For I have seen many infpies yearn for those childhood days.
Because, even if their childhood was unhappy and conflicted for the most part, at least it was intense.
I dunno, maybe we just idealize the past and can't see for us any happy future (lack of T?).

This theme of unhappiness and longing for the past is something I have seen in both myself, my infpy real-life friends and on forums.

EDIT: When I am feeling intense and bad emotions, I tend make a little fun of them. Like if I am sad, I make a really bad frown and starts to mock my own depressive thoughts. "Life sucks, I wish I where dead. Hope the sun explodes this very moment" That kind of thing. It makes a little of the hurt go away.
 

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I know that feeling. That day by day it seems that this world and the lives that people live become more alien to me. I look around me and see all these people running around blind, and I want to scream at the 'cant you bloody see what is going on!!'

i know there is a better way and I know what it should look like, but I do not know how to achieve it.

Yet i am not devoid of hope. Because I know that every human is a mix of the good and the bad and that the potential for humans and humanity to do the right thing at last still remains.
And it is precisely in the deepest depths and darkness of the human soul that you can sometimes find the most wonderful and the brightest light. Such light gives me hope for humanity because it has shown me that truly good people do exist.
 

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EDIT: When I am feeling intense and bad emotions, I tend make a little fun of them. Like if I am sad, I make a really bad frown and starts to mock my own depressive thoughts. "Life sucks, I wish I where dead. Hope the sun explodes this very moment" That kind of thing. It makes a little of the hurt go away.
That's humour and self irony, not only that it helps, people also find that interesting and funny. :proud: (or at least NF people maybe?) I'm starting to laugh just imagining that scenario.:proud:
 

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sometimes it feels like i'm dreaming and this reality is just ...off. Something's so superficial about it and everyday i'm hoping that i will just wake up and be in a completely different reality where i belong. How can i be happy if i'm always thinking that? Life seems so unspectacular and mundane. When i was a kid there was so much wonderment and anticipation for the future but now it's just a bunch of unfulfilled dreams and nothing is how i ever thought it would be.

I've waited this long and now you are going to tell me that i was wrong the whole time? That this is what "life" is? I was brought into this world for what? this?

i was going to write im sorry for ranting but im not and i shouldnt be. Such an infp thing to say and it's ridiculous. okay maybe i am a little sorry for calling it ridiculous, but im not sorry.

happy infps, guide the unhealthy infps, otherwise ....nothing happens. yep not making sense. still not sorry.
That does make sense!

Sometimes the unrealistic dreaming can make me feel like less of a real person. Whilst the fantasies can make me happy, they are also capable of making me feel really down because they're unattainable.

Recently, I've found that taking more time to look at the real world, and trying to appreciate the good parts more can be helpful when I'm struggling. I guess that's something a lot of people just do automatically...but ah well.

It is difficult not to reject it in favour of a much better, idealised version at times. But...I hope I can improve it anyway in some tiny, insignificant way. That helps too.

...I'll stop rambling now.

:proud:
 

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i'm pretty much a cynic most of the time, happiness is somewhat elusive for me.
 

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I think for anyone to be happy with life you need to first be happy with yourself. To make it easier try and surround yourself with loved people and things and then work on yourself? Try an figure out what bothers you and what you can do to change that and then I'm sure you'll feel at least a bit better.
Good luck!
 

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Okay well, First off, I'm pretty happy! Not to the extreme but more content.

Coming from someone my age you might not trust (I'm 18) But I'm going to explain how I go to where I am from being in the similar situation you are.

This Idealist view and the Dreams we have is more creative then a lot of us realise.
There is a few ways or making these feelings and dreams a reality in some form, Such as music, writing and drawing.
I'm personally not much of a writer as most INFP's that I seen so far enjoy it, A.D.D. doesn't help.
I draw a lot and Play music, With music you can play your feelings cause music itself has feelings and its one way of us really expressing it since we hide it so much, It can be singing or instruments, even Lyrics. I play drums, the heart beat of a song and feels great to smash them! Though others might prefer a more gentle or other type of instrument. Like Guitars, Pianos etc...

Drawing can be really good too, You don't have to be a good drawer (Everyone can draw). Draw what you Idealize and dream about, the world, land, people, fantasy, its drawing, It can be anything you want or dream about, nothing can stop it, its your world, go crazy and let it all out! I've even started making a story out of the world in my head and the feelings in my heart. (Cheesy I know but true)

Writing is also a way, I don't write like I mentioned so I can't give any personal experience, but I'm sure someone here can! Poetry seems to be popular.


With the real world, You may need to lower the standards you may have and expect of the current world. It's hard but it will work and you'll understand it a whole lot better.

Last but not least, Motivation! You really need to push yourself when lacking motivation to gain motivation, you might start of something but have no motivation and have a feeling or meaningless, but if you do push yourself, just for a little while and you do enjoy whatever you do, It will gain a meaning and you'll be a lot of motivated! which always makes you feel better.

There's tons more that I wish I could explain to you and anyone else reading but I'm just not good at putting things into words but I hope I managed to help in some way. :)
 

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[...] I've waited this long and now you are going to tell me that i was wrong the whole time? That this is what "life" is? I was brought into this world for what? this? [...]
Depending on what's bringing you down, you could try a few different things (separately or simultaneously):

1. Exercise, eat healthy, and get a full night's sleep. Having a little extra energy goes a long way. Don't forget to get up-to-date on your doctor check-ups. Some slumps can be related to undiagnosed physical problems like diabetes or thyroid conditions. Sound mind, sound body.

2. Create some adventures in your life so that you wake up looking forward to something in your day. Take a scuba class or a sky diving class. Flirt a little bit with the secretary at your workplace. Join a bowling league. The thread on Positive Psychology has lots of great ideas for bringing balance and happiness to your life by taking some new initiatives in your daily routine: http://personalitycafe.com/articles/18241-positive-psychology-strategies.html

3. Sometimes INFPs (and just about anyone else) get bogged down in life by clutter: unfinished projects, too many obligations to other people, falling behind at work, etc., and it becomes impossible to create any new adventures for fear of just creating one more unfinished project or obligation. If that's the case, I would suggest something like the book "Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life" by Julie Morgenstern. Ms. Morgenstern recommends chucking out 80 percent of your a) physical belongings, b) time commitments, and c) personal habits. It may sound like a religious approach (shed your life and go to a monastery and pray), but Ms. Morgenstern is actually a time management consultant for CEOs and managers of companies.

Even if an INFP doesn't plan on following all the steps, it's still worth a read. INFPs like to inventory their lives, and this book applies a new spin on things: The disposability of our daily lives from a corporate ESTJ perspective. It'll definitely provoke some thinking on the part of INFPs. :laughing:

4. Finally, if your workplace sucks and your coworkers suck and there's nothing you can do about it: Try looking at things a little differently. Take one aspect of your workplace and play with it. Make your workplace an adventure itself: Take a chance and throw yourself into the lion's den and see what happens.

For example: Take the coworker you hate most in your workplace, and make a project of them by courting them. Nothing extreme, just comment on the weather with them when you see them, try to do a little small talk with them occasionally, compliment them on their participation in a meeting, etc. I've gotten great results from this. Some of my longest-lasting and most interesting friends in the workplace started out as people I detested.

Same with the boss: If you hate him and avoid him, then do an about-face and ask him if you can have 5-10 minutes of his time every day or couple days to review progress on you projects with him. After all, you have to do the work anyway; so why not try something new and give him input and try it his way. I'm not promising that it will go well, but I guarantee that at a minimum it will be an adventure and a learning experience and shake up your day. :proud:

And so on: Find something to shake up about your workspace, your homespace, your relations with others. Pretend you're a sleuth and question your coworkers and learn everything you can about them--their birthdays, their backgrounds, their families, etc. And take notes--really find out who they are; don't just pay lip service to small talk. Or google some articles on sales or organization or time management and apply one principle that you learn to your own workplace. It may seem foreign to you, but that's what you need: To shake things up and bring some novelty to your life.

In a way, I'm just repeating in detail with Han said:

Sometimes the unrealistic dreaming can make me feel like less of a real person. Whilst the fantasies can make me happy, they are also capable of making me feel really down because they're unattainable.

Recently, I've found that taking more time to look at the real world, and trying to appreciate the good parts more can be helpful when I'm struggling. I guess that's something a lot of people just do automatically...but ah well. [...]
Han's absolutely right: Connecting and interacting with the real world is probably the best solution of all. Tackle some aspect of your workplace and the people around you and make a mystery or an adventure of them. And when you've exhausted that one project, pick up another.

Get more proactive; show a little initiative about seeking mystery and adventure in the mundane life around you, and that should help bridge the gap between your expectations and real life. Your expectations may lower a bit, but you'll also find that real life is more interesting than you initially thought.
 

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I don't really know what "happy" means, but I've learned that it isn't just feeling good all the time. There is a difference between loving every second, and being content in every moment; bliss is contained in the latter, and everyone has to get there by their own path. "Real Life" might not be the paradise you expected, but it's a paradise nonetheless; you just have to learn to see it. Here are some words from a great writer who helped me find answers to some of the same questions:

"When we are alone on a starlit night, when by chance we see the migrating birds in autumn descending on a grove of junipers to rest and eat; when we see children in a moment when they are really children, when we know love in our own hearts; or when, like the Japanese poet, Basho, we hear an old frog land in a quiet pond with a solitary splash - at such times the awakening, the turning inside out of all values, the "newness," the emptiness and the purity of vision that make themselves evident, all these provide a glimpse of the cosmic dance."

"Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything."

- Thomas Merton
 

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I write alot about happiness:

www.infpblog.com/being-infp/happiness-is-a-choice-and-so-is-unhappiness

www.infpblog.com/happiness/happiness-means-burning-bridges


When it comes down to it, a person is happy in relation to how much control the feel the have in the direction of their life. If we want something, a job, a relationships, etc and we believe we have no control over getting those things and it's all dependent on external factors then we'll be unhappy.

I find the happiest people are the ones who've accepted complete responsibility for their life. Doing so gives them an internal locus of control instead of an external one. They feel the have more control over getting those things they want so they focus on the journey and not the destination.
 

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When it comes down to it, a person is happy in relation to how much control the feel the have in the direction of their life. If we want something, a job, a relationships, etc and we believe we have no control over getting those things and it's all dependent on external factors then we'll be unhappy.

I find the happiest people are the ones who've accepted complete responsibility for their life. Doing so gives them an internal locus of control instead of an external one. They feel the have more control over getting those things they want so they focus on the journey and not the destination.
I can relate very much to this idea that feelings of control are linked to happiness. If I believe that I always have a choice, I tend to mobilize more energy to deal with issues. Feelings of being in control are also essential for self-esteem. If you believe your just a victim of circumstances, then bad happenings make you passive and self-pitying and good happenings are just luck that are not related to you as a person. That doesn't look promising for personal growth. And, viewing yourself as a victim of circumstances makes the world become a much more terrifying and unforgiving place. Even illusions of control are better then seeing yourself as a victim.

Still, I wonder if this focus on feeling happy and in control are more like talking about the goal we aspire too and ignoring the path that leads to it.

When I am happy, I tend to believe in myself much more, and thus I more often succeed, which cause more happiness. It is a self-strenghening tendency.

If I am depressed, I don't believe in myself and are more likely to fail. Also a self-strenghening tendency.

That which I find difficult is how to break out of these tendencies. How to move from the downward spiral to that upward spiral. And that I don't have any clear answer too.
 

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I try to find joy in every small thing when I feel joy lacking. i.e. This song is so soulful and perfect. This blanket is warm and soft. I have beautiful dreams for my future and all my past both good and bad is just stepping stones to the future. It sounds a bit goofy but it sometimes helps alot.:blushed:
 
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