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AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I just watched the video lectures for Musicianship today. We’re supposed to compose a Blues Riff!!! Helllp! I’m not too sure how!!! Panicking here since it looks quite hard. I still can’t play very well. All the fingers everywhere. But I can kind of identify notes in songs now. :D and I learnt a lot! And the Piano Teacher was very nice!!! He also said what to do from here on, and that was quite reassuring.

I think that, since this is the last week for the course, I will do my best even if it’s scaring the fuck out of me now. Ah wait no, I should do my best because it’s scaring the fuck out of me. When something scares the shit out of me it means I don’t know how to do it, so I should try my hardest, at 110%. Even if it scares the fuck out of me now. Ahhhhh!!! >:|

Grrr!!! I will do my best so I have no regrets in the last week of this course! Regardless of the results! That’s the way to lead life and progress. Fear is a natural part of any creative process. No wait, fear is a natural part of learning. It sometimes masquerades as procrastination or this lackadaisical kind of feeling, because you think that if I don’t try my best and fail, that means I didn’t really fail because if I did try my best I wouldn’t fail.

But you did fail! And not because you failed in terms of results, but because you failed to seize the opportunity to push yourself to the limits and learn more about your own capabilities. But even that is a process of continuing discovery, I feel. If success is certain, that means your standards for yourself weren’t set above what you think you can achieve. By accepting the chance of failure, it means you’ve given yourself room to grow as well.

Certainty of success comes with certainty of failure. Uncertainty of success comes with uncertainty of failure. You know what you do will succeed, so you know what will lead to failure as well. Because of that, there is no progress in your knowledge. Not knowing what you do will succeed or fail means that you’ll know even more after the fact.

If you know that lying in bed all day and not doing anything will lead to failure, don’t do it. Try to do a page at least. If you know that the page you write will lead to success, don’t do it. Push yourself to exceed your limits. There must be both the uncertainty of failure AND of success in everything you do.

Do I know if I’ll be successful in losing weight? I have no idea, because this time is different from the past with all the new techniques I’m using. I might be simplifying too much, I might be over-extending, I have no idea. But I’m willing to try!

So, calm down, self, phew. It’ll be okay!!! You can totally compose a Blues Riff as long as you try. Okay??? Yes, yes. Just do your best! Have fun and I’m sure things will work itself out. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it? I can do it! I can do it! Yes I can yes I can yes I can! Just do things step-by-step! And you’ll be fine! Yes you will. :D I believe in you! Believe in the you who believes in yourself!!!
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