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I lost another kg! dunno if it’s water weight or the combination of eating very little and walking a lot yesterday. Lol suddenly just drop weight though I've been exercising a lot in the past. Body is weird like that. I dunno if I said before but my friend said I'm smaller now than in school though I think my weight is heavier. Might be because of muscle. Dunno.

Tomorrow or day after going overseas with my godfather I think so today I will do more editing. Not like I'm ever not editing nowadays.

Returned the books I've finished, including twilight. The writing was actually good. Very smooth flowing. I mean it accomplished what it set out to do which is to draw you into the world and provide easy reading material. Edward creeps me out a little though. But then, the actions he does… I guess the romantic things guys do are only romantic if you're attracted to them. If you're not it becomes creepy and stalker like.

I was thinking about what the pastor said this morning and I realised why I'm feeling more and more divorced from Christianity even after attending a service. My worldview and Christianity just doesn’t gel anymore. Almost everything this pastor said is pretty accurate since he based a lot of his sermon on the bible passages and is extensively researched.

The biggest issue I have is the fact that he was saying we should focus on God so that we become righteous so that we can deal with the dross of humanity. Yes, people are bad. But people are good too. Free will doesn’t just mean finally getting the choice to do bad instead of all good, when the apple was bitten. He says that Adam ate the apple (though of course its not an apple.) and so became fearful and sinful. But I bet Adam knew what he was doing. Sure he was tempted, but was he really only tempted by sin? I don’t think Adam would have been that dumb if he was perfect.

That’s another issue I'm bothered by. He says when we get to heaven we’ll all get perfect bodies and minds. But that means we won't grow anymore, will we? If we are already perfect does that mean we can't improve anymore? Yes, competition is hard and living is hard, but it’s also in the striving that the fruit of victory tastes better. Then you could argue that maybe a perfect body is one that only grows and doesn’t decompose. But you have to destroy to rebuild. Some old ideas I held no longer apply because I learnt from my mistakes. If I was perfect 24/7 I wouldn’t improve, would I?

Also, do you really think a perfect human, capable of compassion, would be happy in heaven if there are people burning in hell? Did they really deserve suffering for eternity because of a 100 years of sin? Some people are genetically more predisposed to sinning. They do have free will, but their choice was so stacked against them in the first place. Isn't the choice of religion the same? Depending on how they react to their environment with their genes, it’s very hard to condemn them because they refuse you. Why is God so bothered about ants like us believing in him or not?

Granted, we’re pretty capable ants that have sent representatives to the moon and under the sea.

He said that only God can solve a lot of our problems. Terrorists, war, famine… not really. More like education and technology. I'm not even bothered by the virgin birth thing because it is possible nowadays with what we know about sperms and egg from a microscope.

I like that this church was pretty feminist in the sense that the pastor said the first thing that Jesus did when he ressurected was dry the tears of a woman. One of the churches I went to are like don’t talk back to your husband. O_O if he’s wrong I'm not shutting my mouth. I mean, there’s nicer ways to do it but well if the leader is saying something off like that, the congregation will be off too.

Ooh seems like we’re going overseas on the 30th and my godfather has a cheaper medical checkup there, and he included my mum in the package for free and we’re going by car. :O hurrah!

In the end, the whole of Christianity is based on humanity’s fear of death and how God’s love redeems you. In a sense, Twilight is as well, since Bella is perpetually in danger and she’s a human gonna die and in the end she becomes an immortal vampire because of Edward’s love for her. It’s a mesmerising story arc. I'm beating death with my love for writing.

I mean, I don’t mind going since I do learn new things, but my worldview today is fundamentally different. I might change in future but I don’t think so. I think once I stop learning from there, and find my time is better used somewhere else, I'll stop going.

Ahhh so many things to consider when choosing. Related to marriage too. My mum just talked to me about what to look for in a husband. So many things to think about.

Can't tell him too much about my family’s finances.
Have to like doing business (according to my mum), will listen to my opinions.
Don’t keep thinking about eating (unless it’s healthy food like me lol.) or else very hard to cook for.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Then I also have my criteria, then have to see if we can talk, though that’s usually no problem. Hm.

I dunno if I really need him to enjoy doing business. I guess it will help me in future too. But it kind of really narrows the dating pool. I mean if he has enough money for himself it’s okay. Although it’s good if he does I guess. Always good to explore. I don’t know. But yeah that’s my mum’s criteria cos her childhood friend married a guy who’s like that, smart at doing business, and she’s living in landed property now. But… I'm a fucking poor writer. How???? :(

I get the feeling people that don’t do business won't understand me anyway. Sigh.

Too bad I can't see the future huh? Well it might scare me so it’s better this way I guess. I think I'm a risky date at the moment lol.

My dad changed his shift to the night, so we have to rearrange the timing for the language classes.

Hm. Buses don’t start until too late here so I will walk to the train station instead on my friend's wedding.

OH YEAH left out a part of conversation from yesterday.

Me: And anyway, the guy might not choose me over her. She's very capable.

Mum: Yeah, she's capable! You're right!

E is capable. She's just super low-confidence and a bit of a downer. But some guys like that right? Not like me lost in the fucking clouds half the time. So, I don't know! lol.

But anyway, I really appreciate what C said about me. She said I worked really hard on my Chinese in the past. I don't even remember it and she does. Didn't get good marks still. See, some things even if you work hard, if you don't start early enough it's hard to get good compared to everyone else. That's why I don't like exams. How much you can cram in a year. Like writing more.
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