[Tawna]

So, I know ENFP means we have the Feeling preference.... (duh). But while I am very compassionate and forgiving and merciful, I have such a hard time admitting my true inner feelings. This is getting to be pretty bad, since my ESTJ bf is more revealing with his feelings than I am. I always have these very strong emotions, but I am not comfortable opening myself up enough to reveal them. I guess it's a fear of rejection that I have. So I guess I'm just wondering if I'm the only one who has this or if it's an all-around ENFP trait. Any thoughts?

 

[Inverse]

It can be difficult for me to reveal the truth of things. I haven't sorted them out, and talking about them gives the impression that I have. It's a torrent of emotion sometimes, inside~ and fear of pain, fear of rejection, hell... just fear of not giving justice to your own emotions through your chosen method of conveyance.

It's not just you at all, just don't let the inability to open up allow you to use that as an excuse to hide something that needs to be said. If you have strong emotions, you deserve to have those acknowledged~ at least for yourself.

 

[Tawna]

:happy: well, that's what I'm trying to do... open myself up a little more. And I think I'm the same way with the 'thinking' I have it all figured out, but not sure. I'm so scared of breaking someone's heart by professing to something that I'm not positive I really feel. Haha. Like, I would NEVER have this conversation in reality, it's just too much of my inner world out there for whoever. Yes, people think we ENFP's are all silly fun and games, but they don't realize our inner world's are much more complex than obsessing over where our next cookie will come from. :crazy:

 

[Shurikun]

I think it's a general ENFP thing~

I have the same problems a lot of the time. I focus so much on making other people happy that I end up not saying some important things that really need to be said. It's not uncommon for me to bottle up negative emotions until I just snap or go insane, pff.

And yeah, I have the same 'Fear of Rejection' thing too. I always feel like I'm putting a really sensitive part of myself out there, and it really hurts if it just gets shot down.

Like Inverse said, if you have some really strong emotions that need to be said, say them. Else you'll start to slowly go insane with no ways to let it out. And insanity tends to suck x3

 

[GoGo]

Actually, this happened to me a few months ago. There's definitely an air of fear of rejection. I was friends with this guy(esfp) for over a year or so, and it was the same situation. He loved hanging out with me, but one day he looked at me and said "I feel like you know way more about me than I do about you." I just kind of sat there and stared at him. One time he forced me to share something personal with him and I was pretty upset for the rest of the night, and he noticed and felt bad about it.

Ultimately, I eventually needed some time alone because I wasn't feeling right, and he kind of took it personally. Usually I was very happy and outgoing when I was with him, but I needed some time away from people to recharge, and he didn't really accept that. So, I decided that I would sit him down and have a talk with him. I really opened up to him that day. I wanted to explain that I'm not always a ball of sunshine, and why that was.

Unfortunately, at the time, this still didn't satisfy him, and he ended up throwing it in my face. I felt like I was being extremely vulnerable, and it hurt so badly to have that spit on.

Needless to say, I've been ignoring him ever since. He wants to be friends again very badly, but I just can't look at him the same way after what happened.

So, to get to the point, yes, it's very difficult for ENFPs to open up, but it's for good reason. We're sensitive people, and all we're doing is taking steps to protect ourselves. We don't run around to everyone spilling our true life stories for all to hear. To an extent, it's a good thing.

 

[pinkrasputin]

My problem is I don't immediately go to feeling most of the time. I'm too busy taking in all the information and looking at things objectively, thus avoiding my feelings. Sometimes how I felt about a situation won't pop up until months later. I also don't feel comfortable being "crazy" or "irrational" in front of people. I don't like to "lose control" and be angry. When engaging with others,I'd rather there be a harmonious balance where people act civil. Maybe I've been in court too long? In court can't express rage, anger, or tears, that will get you no where quick. I also don't like when people express their emotions to manipulate me. I usually stand there with a cold stare if they are raging or manipulatively trying to get my "sympathy".

I usually play nicely, then process the feelings on my own. I can convey to another person they've "hurt" me or made me mad, but I will still need to go off alone to process my feeling. I don't like it when people force me to feel right there in front of them. I do that with therapists only. In front of people, I just want to entertain and move on, focus on their things, or back away from them completely.

 

[backwards]

Hi! I just came out of the closet. I am ENFP (previously typed as ENTP), and the topic of this thread is one of the reasons I had a hard time realizing I was in fact a closetF Apparantly I've had a lot of F/T-stuff mixed up, but I recently tried this new approach in being more open about my feelings with people. And boy is that nice ... I'm still a bit mixed about that opening up, but it sure feels good

 

[Tawna]

Apparantly I've had a lot of F/T-stuff mixed up, but I recently tried this new approach in being more open about my feelings with people. And boy is that nice ... I'm still a bit mixed about that opening up, but it sure feels good

I did the same thing for awhile. I think my subconscious wants to be a 'T' because I had actually mistyped myself as ENTP on here until some nice posters got confused and I noticed. And opening up is always a mixed thing for me. Literally I think I have maybe 3 people that I feel comfortable telling whatever. Anyone else and I just say what I'm 'supposed' to say to get them off my back.

 

[Seeker99]

My ENFP friend is just like that.
Can I ask for some advice from you guys?

My friends and I believe that this ENFP is suffering from an eating disorder. We're really worried about her but she's always been so reluctant to open up and doesn't react well when confronted about personal things. How do you think we should approach this?

 

[Tawna]

My ENFP friend is just like that.
Can I ask for some advice from you guys?

My friends and I believe that this ENFP is suffering from an eating disorder. We're really worried about her but she's always been so reluctant to open up and doesn't react well when confronted about personal things. How do you think we should approach this?

I think that you need to TREAD CAREFULLY. This is a big accusation, and we don't handle those well. You have to remember that ENFP's take everything personally, so she is likely to see it as an attack on her. I honestly don't know any way that someone could confront me about this without me getting very upset. So, first, make sure it's true. Then, maybe start off with a compliment. Like, I noticed a few weeks ago you were looking GREAT. Don't you think it's time to stop losing weight now? You don't want to end up like that anorexic model, haha. Don't just outright say, You're starving yourself. Or whatever her disorder is. Let her know how much you value her, and that you would hate yourself if you let anything happen to her. Most of all, make sure you don't make it into something she did wrong, because then she will shut down completely. And we hate confrontation, so don't "confront" her, per se. Just kinda sneak it into a conversation. And if you aren't one of the people allowed access into her inner world, you'll only get that "right answer", so leave this talk to someone that is really in deep with her.

Good luck.

 

[Tawna]

I just took the Enneagram test and got 7w6, a common ENFP type. This is what the description said, and it fits SO PERFECTLY with this thread I had to post it.

One of the differences that we can see between ENFP 7s and ENFP 4s is that the 7 is a Head type while the 4 is a Feeling type. The 7 may have an element of nervous energy to them, and the 4 may have an element of subtle self-conciousness to them.

According to Understanding the Enneagram, 7s are out of touch with their feeling centers. This does not mean that they cannot feel, indeed, average 7s can be touched. They just tend not to stay with that feeling for long. This is because their Thinking Center is used to directly motivate their Moving-Instinctual Center. In other words, if at any time their level of mental activity begins to receed, they start to feel a kind of depravity within themselves, and automatically run into something stimulating. Think--Do.

The Enneagram Blogspot: New! 4w3 vs. 7w6 - Misidentifying

Hope this helps to explain it some. At least, for us 7w6's it should.

 

[Seeker99]

I think that you need to TREAD CAREFULLY. This is a big accusation, and we don't handle those well. You have to remember that ENFP's take everything personally, so she is likely to see it as an attack on her. I honestly don't know any way that someone could confront me about this without me getting very upset. So, first, make sure it's true. Then, maybe start off with a compliment. Like, I noticed a few weeks ago you were looking GREAT. Don't you think it's time to stop losing weight now? You don't want to end up like that anorexic model, haha. Don't just outright say, You're starving yourself. Or whatever her disorder is. Let her know how much you value her, and that you would hate yourself if you let anything happen to her. Most of all, make sure you don't make it into something she did wrong, because then she will shut down completely. And we hate confrontation, so don't "confront" her, per se. Just kinda sneak it into a conversation. And if you aren't one of the people allowed access into her inner world, you'll only get that "right answer", so leave this talk to someone that is really in deep with her.

Good luck.

Thanks for your reply. I do realise that I need to tread carefully because she won't respond well if it comes out as an accusation. But I am afraid that we've taken many many steps back. This has been going on a very long time and she's aware that we know something's going on, but I don't think she realises how worried we are about her. ("we" by the way is a group of, say, 6 or so people) She's never been the type of person who's easy to talk about personal things with, so we knew that sitting her down to talk seriously would be counter-productive. I don't know how it started, but it's gotten to the point where people make jokes (like sarcastically calling her fat, or "eat a cookie, woman!" or telling her we're proud of her when she eats carbs). Gah, please don't judge me. I don't know how this started and it's the only way we could think of to respond. But now I don't know what to do. I just wish I knew how she feels.

 

[Tawna]

Thanks for your reply. I do realise that I need to tread carefully because she won't respond well if it comes out as an accusation. But I am afraid that we've taken many many steps back. This has been going on a very long time and she's aware that we know something's going on, but I don't think she realises how worried we are about her. ("we" by the way is a group of, say, 6 or so people) She's never been the type of person who's easy to talk about personal things with, so we knew that sitting her down to talk seriously would be counter-productive. I don't know how it started, but it's gotten to the point where people make jokes (like sarcastically calling her fat, or "eat a cookie, woman!" or telling her we're proud of her when she eats carbs). Gah, please don't judge me. I don't know how this started and it's the only way we could think of to respond. But now I don't know what to do. I just wish I knew how she feels.

So then she knows you guys are worried. You just need to let her know how much. And I'm not judging, you seem like a really good friend. Plus, humor is one way people can get to me, so maybe it's resonated for her too. This is a tough predicament, though. How do you help her without pushing her away? I'm racking my brain here, but every idea I come up with wouldn't work for me, so probably not her either. If you can find a way to get past her inner barrier, you'll have a much easier time. Does she have a boyfriend or really close friend that she can open up to? Maybe they can get through to her.

 

[Seeker99]

So then she knows you guys are worried. You just need to let her know how much. And I'm not judging, you seem like a really good friend. Plus, humor is one way people can get to me, so maybe it's resonated for her too. This is a tough predicament, though. How do you help her without pushing her away? I'm racking my brain here, but every idea I come up with wouldn't work for me, so probably not her either. If you can find a way to get past her inner barrier, you'll have a much easier time. Does she have a boyfriend or really close friend that she can open up to? Maybe they can get through to her.

She's got a boyfriend of just a few weeks, and that's not really an option... As for friends, there's not a single person that she's closest to. Another friend (also ENFP, but a much more open person) and I used to be really close to her. We're not less close now, it's just that it used to be just the three of us but we're now part of a bigger group. I think her and I probably have the best chance of getting through to her. Thanks for your advice, it helps a lot

 

[Tawna]

no problem. And yeah, I'm the same way with friends. Even my best friend of 8 years has a hard time getting through to me. Best of luck, though.

 

[Guiltyuntilproven]

I found out a long time ago that I have trouble expressing my true feelings even to those I'm close to. It takes a while, or a deep sense of trust, before I just spill it. For me, it could partially stem from my childhood. My mother was very intrusive and demanding. She wanted to know everything about everything, but if she didn't like whatever I would get in trouble. I guess part of it could just be personality though..
I have a hard time even saying "I love you" in some situations. It just feels uncomfortable to reveal my inner self because there is a constant fear of rejection.

 

[Tawna]

I found out a long time ago that I have trouble expressing my true feelings even to those I'm close to. It takes a while, or a deep sense of trust, before I just spill it. For me, it could partially stem from my childhood. My mother was very intrusive and demanding. She wanted to know everything about everything, but if she didn't like whatever I would get in trouble. I guess part of it could just be personality though..
I have a hard time even saying "I love you" in some situations. It just feels uncomfortable to reveal my inner self because there is a constant fear of rejection.

Wow. I have a mom EXACTLY like that. She's an ISFJ. And I hate saying I love you. It's not that I don't feel it, it's just that I feel so vulnerable saying it.

 

[Kitten]

I'm so scared of breaking someone's heart by professing to something that I'm not positive I really feel. Haha. Like, I would NEVER have this conversation in reality, it's just too much of my inner world out there for whoever.

This is usually the case... people are a lot more open about themselves online than IRL. And yet the internet IS reality, in a sense - you're still communicating with tons of real live people. And so why are the feelings different? You're still expressing your inner world out there for whoever... you're just not seeing everyone in person. ^^

...I meant the question kinda rhetorically, though. XD I can understand how you feel!

For me, I wonder if it's not that I'm afraid to be completely open with people... it's just that I haven't gotten the right CHANCES to be as open as I'd like to be. I mean, if you prompt me enough, if you ask me the right questions, I will gladly open up to and confide in any trustworthy person IRL. But I mean... the type of serious questions you get asked online, I very rarely ever get asked IRL. I don't find myself in the same type of conversations IRL as I do online. But if I was given the chance IRL... I would open up my true self to more people. :3

 

[energeticelephant]

I just took the Enneagram test and got 7w6, a common ENFP type. This is what the description said, and it fits SO PERFECTLY with this thread I had to post it.


The Enneagram Blogspot: New! 4w3 vs. 7w6 - Misidentifying

Hope this helps to explain it some. At least, for us 7w6's it should.

Yeah! Finding my enneagram type really helped explained a lot. At least, I'm pretty sure I'm a 7w6. Ahhh...I'll go with.

My general understanding of 7s is that they don't like to dwell on the negative at all. This really strikes a chord in me. If I start to feel sad about something (and it can be a truly terrible something), I run away from it quickly. If I can't run away, it can really knock me down. I don't really deal well with strong negative emotions. Nor do I do well with strong attachment emotions (like when someone says "I miss you"...oh my goodness...I have SO much trouble with that one). I just don't miss people. Not even my parents. It's not horrible, it's just how I am! When you say "I miss you" I can't say "I miss you, too" because then I would be lying and insincere, which I have a huge problem with.

It's not that I don't FEEL things! I DO feel things. I feel joy and excitement in copious amounts! I can find the happiness in even the most destitute of situations. But it's not all that deep...and pretty fleeting. Heh...I'm not shallow, though. I have a mean set of values and passions (like the lying and insincerity thing).

Wow. Confusing. Glad I'm not alone.

 

[cbelle]

I think having Fi (introverted feeling) as a second function makes our emotions very intense and vulnerable. I too have a difficult time opening up to people, especially if I have a lot of respect for them. I can open up to people online much more than I can in real life.

My qualms about sharing deep feelings gives the guys in my life (past and present) hell because they want to know me inside and out and they don't seem to realize that the inside may not be as pretty as the outside. They believe the false idea that I'm perfect, as a lot of people do.

I'm always afraid of being laughed at or hurt. Even if there is no danger I can think of, I freeze up when anyone asks me to share my true, honest-to-goodness feelings with them. It's scary.