Has anyone ever noticed the correlation between insecurity and stubbornness?

2524 Views 7 Replies 3 Participants Last post by lirulin, Jul 30, 2010

Miss Scarlet

Discussion Starter · Jul 29, 2010

The other day I was thinking about all of the insecure people and confident people in my life. It seems to me that most of the insecure people were unchangeably stubborn. And most of the confident people would more easily let something go. Now I have found a few other correlations but lets just start with this. What do you guys think?

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cyamitide

· #2 · Jul 29, 2010

I am insecure on average compared to others (Ni-Fe thing) but if you give me good reasons to change my opinion I will. What use is there sticking to something that doesn't work?

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Miss Scarlet

Discussion Starter · #3 · Jul 29, 2010

cyamitide said:
I am insecure on average compared to others (Ni-Fe thing) but if you give me good reasons to change my opinion I will. What use is there sticking to something that doesn't work?

What about other people in your life?

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lirulin

· #4 · Jul 29, 2010

Usually insecure people call me stubborn, because they cannot accept that they are wrong. My disagreement/insistence on my own opinions must be a character flaw, and not the logical flaw in their argument I pointed out in detail five times already.

Security means you can change your mind if you need to, upon seeing valid data. Being right means you don't have to. A reputation for stubbornness may the insecure kind or simply be other people being threatened. It all depends.

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Miss Scarlet

Discussion Starter · #5 · Jul 30, 2010

lirulin said:
Usually insecure people call me stubborn, because they cannot accept that they are wrong. My disagreement/insistence on my own opinions must be a character flaw, and not the logical flaw in their argument I pointed out in detail five times already.

Security means you can change your mind if you need to, upon seeing valid data. Being right means you don't have to. A reputation for stubbornness may the insecure kind or simply be other people being threatened. It all depends.

I suppose I should go a little more into detail by what I mean by stubborn. For the most part, I am not referring to personal opinions about the following politics , religion, or science. I mean it's more of just an unwilling to compromise on small things that really don't matter. Like, where we go out to eat, how to do something, or not compromising or sacrificing something for some one because they feel insecure about it. I sacrifice things for people all the time when I don't want to and I feel that I deserve the same . It's more small things. It's normally subtle. It also seems to stem from an non intentional self centeredness. Almost like team work isn't beneficial and only what they want goes. Is it maybe because they are insecure and aren't confident to trust something different? Again, I need to mention that these people hid it and it can be hard to notice.

I have noticed that a lot of introverts can be like this but NOT ALL! I have also noticed that SP can be like this. BUT NOT ALL ARE. Please keep in mind that I mean no disrespect. I am basing this off of a Limited number of people and experiences . I simply want to know if others have observed the same. I'm sure the SP's have observed somethings about NT's too that I might not understand or care to hear about but the truth remains that all types have their issues and all individuals have blind spots in life. AGAIN I mean NO DISRESPECT! I am simply trying to get a better understanding.

If there are any SP's or and SFP's or better yet ISFP's that would be willing to discuss this on a more one on one level I would greatly appreciate that. I have had many bad run in's with ISFP's and a few INFP's. I'm not saying that is was all there fault I think that there was a lack of communication on both ends and confusion.

ONCE AGAIN I MEAN NO DISRESPECT!!!!

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lirulin

· #6 · Jul 30, 2010

....insecure about where to eat? Or about themselves?

Defensiveness in the face of perceived criticism maybe. Or a standard introvert thing - hundreds of invisible (because you didn't state your contrary opinion/need) compromises being made, and the ones you don't make (which are noted because you actually say/do something) being resented. The stubbornness of "goddamnit, the one time I actually cared enough to state my opinion out loud - I let them decide the rest of the time!" perhaps? Plus an awareness that certain tiring things, things that take more effort, social things, are bigger compromises for one party and factorig that into account. Not an SP though, so I'll leave the rest of the speculating to them.

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Miss Scarlet

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jul 30, 2010

lirulin said:
....insecure about where to eat? Or about themselves?

Defensiveness in the face of perceived criticism maybe. Or a standard introvert thing - hundreds of invisible (because you didn't state your contrary opinion/need) compromises being made, and the ones you don't make (which are noted because you actually say/do something) being resented. The stubbornness of "goddamnit, the one time I actually cared enough to state my opinion out loud - I let them decide the rest of the time!" perhaps? Plus an awareness that certain tiring things, things that take more effort, social things, are bigger compromises for one party and factorig that into account. Not an SP though, so I'll leave the rest of the speculating to them.

Okay, I can definitely see the defensiveness in the face of perceived criticism.

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lirulin

· #8 · Jul 30, 2010

ENTJwillruletheworld said:
Okay, I can definitely see the defensiveness in the face of perceived criticism.

I feel your pain. :crazy:

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