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Communicating with feelings are not necessarily the issue, it's a matter of translating your feelings into rational statements. For example, if a friend of mine is crying, I have no idea what to do. I need an explanation for WHY they're upset ("I'm sad because....") before I'm able to help them. Explain to us your thought process behind any emotion, and that will help us greatly in understanding you (thus helping us to figure out how you tick so we can formulate appropriate responses and catalog that away for future use).
 

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I did. Be patient if you really want it to work I suppose.

Ultimately it felt like I was doing too much work and I wasnt getting back what I wanted.

I had to approach it in having to strategize in telling someone how I feel so they get it. I didnt want that, I wanted someone to automatically tell how I feel and know how to support me.

A relationship might work better for a female ENFJ and male INTJ, but I dont think so vice-versa.
 

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I am dating a male INTJ and you have to realize a few things. You won't get understanding in an NF way but you will get stability. You will have to verbalize your feelings and in some ways this is really good but for me also feels like it 'cheapens' my emotional experience to have to explain everything all the time. It can be exhausting. You have to tell them upfront if you just need to 'vent' because they will try to solve any problem you come to them with. This is out of love.

Also, they show their love by doing little things for you, which to us are completely normal and stuff we do for anyone, but they don't compliment people easily (even if they deserve it) and they don't do many things for other people. So you know they care when they do things for you. They are deeply sensitive imo and you'll only ever know that after maybe a year (if you are are lucky) and extremely loyal and loving. It feels like the closer you get to them, the more you meld with them.

One thing I like is they aren't terribly jealous or possessive (in traditional ways) they will kinda huff if someone else hits on you but be sure to never flirt back. They won't admit how deeply they feel (sorry if you disagree some INTJ's but I know better) or are affected. No one is a robot, not them either and please don't mistake them for one.

A lot of my intimate friends are INTJ's and we feel very different at first, but the N and J really complement each other. I feel like I can trust them more than most other types and they never make me feel ignored (like some types can) and the only downside but not a downside, just something to get used to is you absolutely must remember to tell them directly what you want, because they want to do it and please you. I've grown so much just by being able to 'accept' help from someone else for a change, and to ask for it.

One more downside is we try to adapt and be perfect for them and anyone and they have high demands but you already almost meet them all so don't let them pressure you into being more 'perfect' , they don't do it on purpose, they just want to help. Hope that helps :) (oh also they have a hard time apologizing so don't expect it)
 

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As an ENTJ dating an ENFJ, while I understand I am no INTJ, we tend to have the same ideals around our partners and how they communicate problems to us. Often times it's better for us to hear more direct feedback and often times that's hard for someone who is Fe to do without involving their emotions and feeling as if they are pushing us further away. Just because we don't immediately react doesn't necessarily mean we haven't heard you...sometimes, we internalize and if we don't have a developed Fi, it can often escape us completely but this isn't an intention of ours.

It's hard for us Te types to discern which part of the feedback is emotional or direct, but I don't think it is impossible for your INTJ to learn how to do that. I'm learning, though slowly, how to listen to my ENFJ better and picking up on emotional queues which give me the answers to what is actually going on. It's something your INTJ is going to have to decide to do. Perhaps you should talk to them and find a method of communication that works best for you both. If anything it would be an interesting conversation for them to learn the emotional dynamics of how you feel / communicate / etc. At least I would love learning that about my partner.

This is something my ENFJ and I continue to struggle with after two years, and while I hate to admit it, I'm slow...but I think I finally understand now. :)
 

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Communicating with feelings are not necessarily the issue, it's a matter of translating your feelings into rational statements. For example, if a friend of mine is crying, I have no idea what to do. I need an explanation for WHY they're upset ("I'm sad because....") before I'm able to help them. Explain to us your thought process behind any emotion, and that will help us greatly in understanding you (thus helping us to figure out how you tick so we can formulate appropriate responses and catalog that away for future use).
But therein lies the rub. Girls don't want help (though your friend may be a guy). Best thing for us NTs to do, is listen.
 

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... and if we don't understand, memorize the conversation and ask for advice from a trusted NF advisor.or come and create a thread on the forum about it.
 

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I'm afraid I have no good advice. I've dated tons of INTJ's, and it's been the same disastrous pattern every time.
 
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