[Songs unsung]

I am developing a dislike of certain personality types and wonder whether knowledge of MBTI has contributed to my becoming a more judgmental person generally. Not someone I want to be.

I also wonder if I have abused my knowledge of MBTI by excusing behaviour in others that I shouldn't have.

What about you? Beyond understanding yourself better, has MBTI actually helped improve your relationships with others? Or made you more incorrigible than you were already, because you know, 'snowflake'?

 

[Kirjuri]

It has made it apparent that people just think differently, giving me more patience overall. I would probably have learned the same thing somewhere else, too, but MBTI just happened to be the medium.

 

[BranchMonkey]

It helped me understand my husband and he me, because before we took the MBTI (I took it first, after reading, studying it some), he took it too, and then I read up on his type (at the time he typed ENFP but has since come up as ESFP on cognitive and other tests, which is a better fit), and each of us after reading the other's typing information understood 1) Why we clashed in some serious areas, 2) That to expect the other to behave differently wasn't realistic.

 

[Zosio]

I used to be more "typist" when I was first getting into it, but forming better relationships with people over the years has helped me kick most of that. E.g.: the only manager at work I respect/like is an ESTJ, and he and I should hate each other. I once thought that ISTPs were the spawn of Satan, but I've met ISTPs whom I've really come to admire.

The biggest pitfall for me was the expectations set for certain personalities, which were dashed in one way or another. I used to believe that ENTJs were invincible bosses, but I've come to understand how vulnerable they are (they tend to be more vulnerable than your average Joe). I used to think that INTJs were brilliant. And now I... don't. :dry: I used to be excited to meet ENTPs, but working with one on a day-to-day basis has made me more inclined to flee from them.

In short, putting people on a pedestal doesn't end well.

P.S: ENFPs are still fantastic, though. Especially the one who's sitting next to me and Te-ing everything I'm writing ("You shouldn't put that qualifier there. You said you wanted to use more imperative statements, so do that. I'm not Te-ing everything, because there are a lot of things I didn't say.") :laughing:

 

[JazzPhilosopher]

More than anything else, it's made me a bit happier overall, since I now understand how my own mind works, and being happy or not absolutely influences your relationships. Besides that, I now have another incredibly geeky thing to talk about with strangers to scare them away. <- Talking about MBTI as a whole

 

[Songs unsung]

Ah @Zosio913 , I've just realised, being disappointed by people you have respected is the worst of it. Yes :sad:

I have a lot of time for ENFPs, although, I probably would have anyway without knowing about MBTI. I tend to find their heart is in the right place, even when they fail terribly. It is hard for me not to forgive them, in contrast to others who I find it hard to forgive for lesser offences. I can't really justify or explain that at all. It's a *feelings* thing, rather than rational. It doesn't make much sense to me...

 

[SOM]

It has completely changed the way that I see people and has helped me to understand them, communicate with them more effectively, and most importantly to me, meet them where they are coming from. It has helped me to not take things so personally. I credit it for helping nurture the most loving relationship I have ever had (the amazing INFJ/ENFP combo )

 

[Surreal Snake]

No

 

[Songs unsung]

No

Did you think it would?

 

[BranchMonkey]

I am developing a dislike of certain personality types and wonder whether knowledge of MBTI has contributed to my becoming a more judgmental person generally. Not someone I want to be.

I also wonder if I have abused my knowledge of MBTI by excusing behaviour in others that I shouldn't have.

What about you? Beyond understanding yourself better, has MBTI actually helped improve your relationships with others? Or made you more incorrigible than you were already, because you know, 'snowflake'?

I had wanted to add to this in my last/only post, but I had somewhere to be, had to wrap it up fast, so I wanted to be clear that rather than make me more judgmental about certain people, over all, I've come to recognize--generally--a healthy from an unhealthy MBTI type, so that I no longer attribute ugly behavior to a particular type, e.g. not all ENTPs are sarcastic shits nor all ISFJs sanctimonious hypocrits or all INTJs uptight, black-n-white, "I'm always right types."

Rather, I've been meeting, especially on PerC with a larger variety, more healthy MBTI types, e.g. @Gilead for ISTJ as opposed to my own biological father and some other ISTJs that are rigid regarding their own preferences and intolerant of others' differences.

My father had a very clear, macho sense of what being a man meant--always preferable to being a woman, whereas ISTJs like Gilead do not come across this way at all.

Same with @Stevester (ISTJ) who is insightful about functions, which is not what I experienced on the INTJf I belonged to nor often in 'real life.'

@Paulie is not an overly-serious 'only likes classical music' and never smiles kind of guy (he better not contradict me with his current avatar as proof), and the OP @Songs unsung does not come across as the more immature, mistyped or more neurotic INFJs either (says a rather neurotic INFJ). xD

I have a friend in @Taco Bella -- and while my own husband is 'finally' typed correctly as ESFP instead of ENFP (albeit, he is close on the S/N line) -- generally, in my life ESFPs have been hard for me to 'live with' as I grew up among so many, and all of them were neurotic or worse: Criminal-minded, violent, unpredictable in a dangerous sense.

So, for me, learning the 'functions' of MBTI, and continuing to learn them, so that I recognize unhealthy, unlikely true-to-type, neurotic and more... is leading me to open up to types I wouldn't have considered before for friends:

My world has and continues to broaden because of what I'm learning, how I've stopped conflating mismatch with actual match, because I can tell the difference now.

Great topic, Songs unsung.

And thank you for the VM. I take my time responding, and sometimes just let a message lay there rather than express feeling bare. I hope you accept my heart-felt sense of your generosity. <3

 

[Paulie]

I had wanted to add to this in my last/only post, but I had somewhere to be, had to wrap it up fast, so I wanted to be clear that rather than make me more judgmental about certain people, over all, I've come to recognize--generally--a healthy from an unhealthy MBTI type, so that I no longer attribute ugly behavior to a particular type, e.g. not all ENTPs are sarcastic shits nor all ISFJs sanctimonious hypocrits or all INTJs uptight, black-n-white, "I'm always right types."

Rather, I've been meeting, especially on PerC with a larger variety, more healthy MBTI types, e.g. @Gilead for ISTJ as opposed to my own biological father and some other ISTJs that are rigid regarding their own preferences and intolerant of others' differences.

My father had a very clear, macho sense of what being a man meant--always preferable to being a woman, whereas ISTJs like Gilead do not come across this way at all.

Same with @Stevester (ISTJ) who is insightful about functions, which is not what I experienced on the INTJf I belonged to nor often in 'real life.'

@Paulie is not an overly-serious 'only likes classical music' and never smiles kind of guy (he better not contradict me with his current avatar as proof), and the OP @Songs unsung does not come across as the more immature, mistyped or more neurotic INFJs either (says a rather neurotic INFJ). xD

I have a friend in @Taco Bella -- and while my own husband is 'finally' typed correctly as ESFP instead of ENFP (albeit, he is close on the S/N line) -- generally, in my life ESFPs have been hard for me to 'live with' as I grew up among so many, and all of them were neurotic or worse: Criminal-minded, violent, unpredictable in a dangerous sense.

So, for me, learning the 'functions' of MBTI, and continuing to learn them, so that I recognize, unhealthy, unlikely true-to-type, neurotic and more... is leading me to open up to types I wouldn't have considered before for friends:

My world has and continues to broaden because of what I'm learning, how I've stopped conflating mismatch with actual match, because I can tell the difference now.

Great topic, Songs unsung.

And thank you for the VM. I take my time responding, and sometimes just let a message lay there rather than express feeling bare. I hope you accept my heart-felt sense of your generosity. <3

Hey, I have a reputation at stake of being a curmudgeon here. Don't mess me up, lol!!

 

[Lovable]

Yes and no. I have always tried to find someway to explain why we are so different and trying to put labels on people. So when I found MBTI it made sense, a lot made sense all the sudden. Why I felt so different and why sometimes some people just don't seem to get me and my inner world. I discovered that most my family is S-people which very much explained (I feel) why I felt so alienated. I become much more aware about what kind of people I can trust - based on type. I think people might think I have taken it a bit to far but I don't care..

 

[Songs unsung]

Thank you for your wise words and sharing @BranchMonkey . I'd like for MBTI to be something that helps me become a kinder person, but it hasn't been the case for me. Offline irl I'm as in my head as ever, and never seem to make friends the normal way. I'm not sure if that matters. On rare occasions I meet someone who seems to love and see the good in everyone, and I'm reminded that that's the kind of person I want to be. Instead of weary and tending to withdraw. I'm glad that some people have found MBTI positive and helpful for them. I think I will try to visit more of the other forums next, to learn more about the different types. I spend too much time in the 'N' forums, and it's not like they all make me happy. I am long over due a visit to the ISTJs and ISFJs, etc. hehe

 

[brightflashes]

I favor John Beebe's view of the various cognitive functions and their archetypes along with Jung's original (sometimes conflicting) work with typology before going to MBTI.

But to answer the question, the theory has greatly improved my relationship with others. It also has explained to me why I didn't like some people for certain shallow reasons. While I knew that my dislike was superficial to begin with, it helps me understand why I don't naturally get along with my father-in-law (ENTP), but why my husband (INTP) can get along with both of us. However, understanding better what he values helps me to understand more how to communicate with him in a way where we both end up walking away happy.

Still, MBTI or any personality theory isn't going to explain away someone who is truly unhealthy and toxic for me. While I can understand slightly better why certain people in my life have been abusive, the understanding is only slight. When people are clinically ill, or have legitimate issues (one example would be my ISFJ biological mom, who was so abusive I was removed from her custody), there's nothing that will magically help me understand them.

There was a naive part of me at one point that thought that if I could explain her behavior I'd somehow be "ok" and not "broken". Since I've always been socially awkward, I just assumed it was me (as many victims of abuse tend to feel). But it turns out that it was really the other way around.

And, I think most ISFJs I meet are pretty awesome, so it's also nice to know that it's not just the type that's off, but it was just the individual with that type.

 

[BranchMonkey]

@Songs unsung

That's a great idea, I think--or has the potential to be if the timing is right for you: Visit some sub-forums and find a surprise now and then, the best kind, when a type you were sure sucked turns out to be 'really a particular one' and 'really smart' or 'kind' or 'whatever you value.'

And don't think there's anything wrong if it takes a long time, because heck, I'm in my 50s, had to spend eight years on another forum taking in a lot of stereotypes and "I'm superior as an INTJ to ALL other sub-human beings" (came every day, no kidding) before I landed on PerC and was delighted to find a mix of people, a good mix to my mind, but I am easily pleased in some ways.

I mean, after childhood, what could be worse for me.

@Paulie

Your secret's safe with me, but maybe you should change your avatar's hair (Mormon beehives are still in, I hear), then inside a spoiler every now and then put a link to the worst of bad music out there. I recommend beginning with "I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes" by Jim Stafford.

I am going by memory of what played every friggin' hour on the hour at our house back in the 70s. :yeah:

 

[Paulie]

@Songs unsung

That's a great idea, I think--or has the potential to be if the timing is right for you: Visit some sub-forums and find a surprise now and then, the best kind, when a type you were sure sucked turns out to be 'really a particular one' and 'really smart' or 'kind' or 'whatever you value.'

And don't think there's anything wrong if it takes a long time, because heck, I'm in my 50s, had to spend eight years on another forum taking in a lot of stereotypes and "I'm superior as an INTJ to ALL other sub-human beings" (came every day, no kidding) before I landed on PerC and was delighted to find a mix of people, a good mix to my mind, but I am easily pleased in some ways.

I mean, after childhood, what could be worse for me.

@Paulie

Your secret's safe with me, but maybe you should change your avatar's hair (Mormon beehives are still in, I hear), then inside a spoiler every now and then put a link to the worst of bad music out there. I recommend beginning with "I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes" by Jim Stafford.

I am going by memory of what played every friggin' hour on the hour at our house back in the 70s. :yeah:

As they say, I'll take that under advisement, lol!

 

[Surreal Snake]

Did you think it would?

Not so much MBTI but Jung helped me more so in the relationship with myself. I was always good with people when I wanted or had to be.

 

[Vivid Melody]

I'd say a combination of the MBTI with the enneagram has helped me in my relationships. But I almost want to credit enneagram as being more helpful since it discusses what a type can look like in both healthy and unhealthy levels. It includes typical behaviors common to certain types when unhealthy like depression, narcissism etc. etc. And how that may manifest and WHY.


I think the MBTI has probably had both a positive and negative effect on me to some degree...just like with anything. But I always trying to change my own mind and turn things around to positive when I catch myself making illogical judgments. I generally try to keep things separated as far as me disliking a person vs. me disliking their personality type. I catch myself when I'm doing that and I tell myself I currently dislike that individual's unhealthy behaviors, not because of their personality type but because of their intentions/methods. More often, I'll relate it to enneagram because it fits much better with that system where you can read about what unhealthy behaviors look like in that type and it's so spot on (in my opinion). So you can empathize where they're coming from better.


Overall, I'd say MBTI and enneagram has also given me a newfound appreciation for the different ways in which we think and I always find it fun to connect with someone of a type who I have not been exposed to as much or that I'm unfamiliar with - to see how that individual personally manifests those preferences within themselves.

 

[Nephandus]

It's worthless socially. It doesn't remove obstacles nor change how I feel about them or my priorities or potential goals at all. People are still sheeple-jackels, and culture is still a loaded sewer I was born to rot it. Family are still dead or worse. It's worthless for any romantic search function, even in theory. At most, it might help rhetorically when phrasing certain things, but there's never actually been anything proven useful to even discuss for any practical purpose I'd actually have. There's no menu to order off, even if there was a particularly desirable type to seek. There are no real world congregations of desirable subtypes I'm aware of either, though they probably wouldn't be personally accessible, if there were.

 

[Paulie]

It's worthless socially. It doesn't remove obstacles nor change how I feel about them or my priorities or potential goals at all. People are still sheeple-jackels, and culture is still a loaded sewer I was born to rot it. Family are still dead or worse. It's worthless for any romantic search function, even in theory. At most, it might help rhetorically when phrasing certain things, but there's never actually been anything proven useful to even discuss for any practical purpose I'd actually have. There's no menu to order off, even if there was a particularly desirable type to seek. There are no real world congregations of desirable subtypes I'm aware of either, though they probably wouldn't be personally accessible, if there were.

Ca'mon, don't hold back, tell us what you really think, lol!