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Discussion Starter #1
Has the type of person you've been attracted to changed from adolescence to adulthood, or stayed the same?

It can be personality and/or looks, etc...

What has been consistent in your choice of partner?
What has changed in your personal taste?
Or for next time, what would you look for or want to have in a mate?


I'm sure with maturity our preferences change, or even through experience. We all learn things about ourselves, & about our choices that may influence us going forward. Please share your experiences. I'm curious to hear what changed for you, & what stayed the same.
 

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Discussion Starter #2
When I was young the type of guys I was drawn to were the introverted thinkers. The loner, quiet types were my match because I felt comfortable with them, understood them, & could relate to them. I enjoyed those commonalities, along with the discussions we had. In addition, those were the types of boys I was friends with growing up.

In my mid 20's I discovered the beautiful ENFJ personality, & a new interesting world of possibilities opened up. I came to appreciate the charisma, & empathetic nature of extroverted feelers, as partners. I had been exposed to extroverted personalities before, but never coupled with a judging preference which gave me a feeling of security.

I still have a special place in my heart for introverted thinkers because it's what I know, & am used to, but now I can admire the value of an extrovert &\or feeler.

My preference has been for the intuitive, judging types because of communication. I can understand their line of thinking much easier, & again planning is my strong suit, & gives me a sense of security. Along with that, I've mostly been attracted to older guys which has been pretty consistent, except for an occasional exception. They have been anywhere from 1 year to 12 years older. The first guy I actually dated was 2 weeks younger than me.

As far as looks, that has been varied. My consistency there would be in height, & build. I always like for guys to be bigger & taller than me. I also have noticed all the males I'm attracted to, have a nice smile. It's usually warm, sincere, & inviting. Like saying "I'm friendly, & approachable." Two of the guys I liked, had the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. Yet, they rarely smiled in pictures.

This might be an odd thing to say, but all their hands have been warm. My hands always feel cold to the touch. And their hand grips were firm & fitted perfectly to mine. It's a hard thing to explain, because not everyone's hand fits or feels the same way. Maybe I have a hand fetish, I don't know, but there's something about a man's hands that can tell you a lot about them. (That's probably a whole other thread topic though) :laughing:

By coincidence, I had a relationship with 2 guys that became fireman. Although I lost both of them to the fire academy. The long training hours, study, & first rookie year made it difficult to keep the relationship going.
 

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I've always been interested in reserved/introverted guys.

Unfortunately I have mistaken cold/arrogance with reserved/introverted at times.

I think I am best matched with actual introverted/reserved people but with the added politeness and social awareness :p Its just been sort of hard to actually meet these types of people being an introverted/reserved person myself that doesn't make first moves or have a lot of confidence in myself. So in the end I've ended up with people who are a bit more dominant and arrogant.

Dark hair has always been a main theme for me too.

Fortunately I now have my tall, dark, handsome, introverted, reserved man. I always thought I would do better with someone who was quite "serious" but I've ended up with someone who has a playful/childish side (INTP type 9) and am glad I have someone who brings out that part of me too :proud:
 
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Has the type of person you've been attracted to changed from adolescence to adulthood, or stayed the same?

It can be personality and/or looks, etc...

What has been consistent in your choice of partner?
What has changed in your personal taste?
Or for next time, what would you look for or want to have in a mate?


I'm sure with maturity our preferences change, or even through experience. We all learn things about ourselves, & about our choices that may influence us going forward. Please share your experiences. I'm curious to hear what changed for you, & what stayed the same.
So you say personality and looks should be a consistent trend over the years and taste? why? so, personal taste shouldn't change at all? that's wrong we all change.

That... misunderstandings, twisting communication and words, building out of context arguments and failing to basic communication is what I have to put a lot of effort to spot and detect. Anything as looks, personality, whatever can be a perfect match but will easily be destroyed by people twisting meanings, like finding offense where there is none, or arguing point over point like jumping from stone to stone until they run out of stones and fall into the river, and specially: the person with working logic ends up exhausted trying to explain and re explain what's already been said.


My personal taste in looks and personality changed a bit, but I'm an uncommon case because all of my exGF are different, especially in terms of appearance so there is no white, white, white etc, or tall, tall, tall. I learned about the process of matching what X persona projects in attitudes and personality traits, it's quite normal and we do this to avoid danger and fall into the same mistake again, but it's not accurate and mostly a prejudice, but I'm not saying it doesn't work.

I could tell you about taste changes or looks etc, yes, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if both can't communicate or agree due to communication failure. No (anticipating response) no, it's not "takes two to tango" some people are unable to see the meaning even if you leave it in written letters, only later you re read it with them and they finally see what it's there, but just as when you force a horse to look ahead, I don't understand such people, sometimes this is unilateral, so yes, more focus on communication skills and understanding, that'w the way I changed mostly, and it serves me as a measure of intelligence too.

Remember The Watchmen? there is that awesome looking woman trying to argue with Dr. Manhattan and after failing (again) he shows her something and then says something like "see, that's why this is shit (kidding) your mind goes to dark places". The thing is as we grow old all that matter is the mind.
 

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Once upon a time, I loved with all my heart a super scatter-brained, unreliable, hippy-ish (albeit poetic, amazing with words, affectionate) INFP male, among others. I know now I need someone reliable, secure, confident (but not arrogant), somewhat more structured than I am (but still open minded, happy, spontaneous enough to not be an absolute mind-numbing bore). I notice when the other party is just as mentally scattered (and unable to finish projects) as I am, I begin to take an unhealthy 'J' role and micro-manage the other person and our life. I can't stand that, it doesn't feel like it brings out the best or most authentic side of me - it just stresses my heart. I DON'T want to feel like I'm 'mothering' my partner. UGH. I like it when a man says, tomorrow let's do this thing/go to this place...and then, we ACTUALLY do that thing. I like someone more on the extraverted side now, because I love fun and adventure. But not too loud and obnoxious, someone fairly balanced like myself would be ideal. I want to learn and grow and experience! An equal could only be someone who supports and encourages me as much as I do them, and isn't afraid to show and receive love.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I notice when the other party is just as mentally scattered (and unable to finish projects) as I am, I begin to take an unhealthy 'J' role and micro-manage the other person and our life. I can't stand that, it doesn't feel like it brings out the best or most authentic side of me - it just stresses my heart. I DON'T want to feel like I'm 'mothering' my partner. UGH. I like it when a man says, tomorrow let's do this thing/go to this place...and then, we ACTUALLY do that thing. I like someone more on the extraverted side now, because I love fun and adventure. But not too loud and obnoxious, someone fairly balanced like myself would be ideal. I want to learn and grow and experience! An equal could only be someone who supports and encourages me as much as I do them, and isn't afraid to show and receive love.
I can relate to what you said here, when I'm with a judging type I become the perceiver. Once I know someone is in "charge", things have been handled, then I can relax, & enjoy going with the flow. I need that in a romantic relationship to feel secure. Someone who can balance me, showing love & support is key for me too.
 

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Before, a supermodel sounded reasonable...now, a pulse seems nice.

I'm kidding, but I feel I am more open now than I was when I was younger. Just meeting and spending time with someone new can be fun, even if you sort of start to realize that the woman across the table isn't going to be the one.

Also, why is it that most women universally are looking for or at least really enjoy "tall"? Not really a problem for me, but reminds me of the female equivalent of looking for big boobs. I wouldn't have any problem with dating a girl taller than me, though she would probably have to be a basketball/volleyball player--I'm sure I would get used to standing on my toes for a kiss.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Also, why is it that most women universally are looking for or at least really enjoy "tall"? Not really a problem for me, but reminds me of the female equivalent of looking for big boobs. I wouldn't have any problem with dating a girl taller than me, though she would probably have to be a basketball/volleyball player--I'm sure I would get used to standing on my toes for a kiss.
I actually have a few girl friends who have married men significantly shorter than them, even wearing heels when they go out. So it's not a universal thing, but for me it's always been a preference. I'm 5'5/167 so it's really not that hard to find a guy taller than me. :tongue: I once dated a guy who was 5'8/176 but when I wore a 2 inch heel he was barely taller than me, but it was fine. I just have this idea that I don't want to be bigger than the man I'm with, it's just my perception.
 

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Personality wise... I wish.

What has really happened instead is that the rational filters have evolved over time while my subconscious desires haven't followed. Potential partners with traits that I stay away from because I know they are bad for me and don't mix well in a relationship are still the ones I am attracted too and feel chemistry with; I just don't act on it. While potential partners who pass all the tests - decent human beings through and through who would make perfect relationship material, i find that I'm not that into. I really don't know if there is anyone left in the cross section between "people I would have a relationship with" and "people I have the chemistry for a relationship with".

What do you do if you can't find healthy food that you do like? Continue to look for it? Starve? Force it down? Screw it and go for the donut?

I've graduated from this
...So is she still single?
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
My first real crush was an INTP, he was my childhood friend, we were playmates. Even when I wanted to "marry" him at age 10, it wasn't sexual, it just meant I wanted to spend time with him. We spent every summer together, our big thing was going to the water park. When we were in our early 20's we worked together, & developed our friendship further. We had lengthy discussions, many times about sex. However, our relationship was always platonic. We had a similar ideal but it wasn't each other. He loved making me upset, & when I'd comeback at him with my side of the debate, he'd start laughing, & the anger melted away. I miss fighting with him, are open discussions, & our friendship. I loved him very much as one of my oldest friends. He was one of the guys I lost touch with when he became a fireman. I still see his parents, every once in a while. But I don't want a partnership where fighting is a daily occurrence, I'd rather have a peaceful relationship. :laughing:


Fast forward, as an adult my first & only romantic love was with an ENFJ. Which of course was very different from my first crush. Communication was so easy, he was an open book. There were times he'd call to just hear my voice because he said he forgot why he was calling, lol. We'd stay on the phone while I worked in the office, & he drove to his next appointment. He was very affectionate, loving, & kind. He was able to lower my guard easily before I knew it, he had my affections. We got along well together, he was very considerate, & we had a lot in common. He's been the only person who has defended me without question. I trusted him completely, & would have done anything for him because of that. Our connection was emotional, spiritual, & physical. At this point I can't imagine finding another person like him.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
What do you do if you can't find healthy food that you do like? Continue to look for it? Starve? Force it down? Screw it and go for the donut?
Isn't that the plight of every adult? You know what you want, need, or desire, but finding all that in one person is the conundrum. Plus the work that goes into an actual relationship, love is never easy is it?
 

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What has been consistent in your choice of partner?
Smart and challenging.
What has changed in your personal taste?
Not much, but they've gotten quicker at realizing that I'm not worth their time.
 

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Isn't that the plight of every adult? You know what you want, need, or desire, but finding all that in one person is the conundrum. Plus the work that goes into an actual relationship, love is never easy is it?
If a search filter doesn't work on a database there's usually 1 of 3 reasons:

Bad Luck - The item isn't available.
Miscommunication - You're using the wrong keywords.
A contradiction - You've placed conflicting criteria.

For myself I am suspecting the 3rd: Something I am filtering against and something I need in order to fall for someone might be one of the same.
 

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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
If a search filter doesn't work on a database there's usually 1 of 3 reasons:

Bad Luck - The item isn't available.
Miscommunication - You're using the wrong keywords.
A contradiction - You've placed conflicting criteria.

For myself I am suspecting the 3rd: Something I am filtering against and something I need in order to fall for someone might be one of the same.
Hmmm that's one way of looking at it. :wink:

Edit: So maybe the next rhetorical question to ask yourself would be, why? It might help you discover something inside that you didn't know before. Believe me, I've done the same. Every relationship whether romantic, platonic, or familial has taught me something different.
 

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Has the type of person you've been attracted to changed from adolescence to adulthood, or stayed the same?

It can be personality and/or looks, etc...

What has been consistent in your choice of partner?
What has changed in your personal taste?
Or for next time, what would you look for or want to have in a mate?


I'm sure with maturity our preferences change, or even through experience. We all learn things about ourselves, & about our choices that may influence us going forward. Please share your experiences. I'm curious to hear what changed for you, & what stayed the same.
Hmm that's odd. My attraction hasn't changed but with my recent experience, i learned that i need to be wiser. Just to be clear : the attraction is still the same but my response now could be different (could because i cant be certain that i will never learn new things again vis-a-vis relationships).

For example, i always seem to notice, consciously or subconsciously, intelligent men. Maybe it's because i am not confident in my own skills that i subconsciously feel that i need someone stronger and more knowledgeable than me to help me and guide me. A leader. At work, i am kinda feared by some of my colleagues (especially way, way back when my walls were as high as the sky haha) but i dont really want to be a leader. I tend to lead because there's a need, though i admit that sometimes, i enjoy the lead role.

It doesn't change. However, because i was recently "tricked" into believing that i am accepted / loved, i adored someone. I don't really question people so much because i know that some have past they don't want to discuss about or privacy concerns. So, i tend to believe what they say even when my intuition is screaming otherwise. I think i need to change that. I need to be wiser, shrewd and careful next time. My response could now be different but my "primary" attraction remains the same.

Even other stuff like proper grooming, calmness amidst storm, poised, not rude, aggressive nor arrogant, and physically affectionate stay the same.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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What has been consistent in your choice of partner?
I don't know everyone's type, but I seem to be attracted to ISTJs and ISTPs. Also, people who were outside the mainstream somehow; they had different lifestyles, different ideas, etc. (even the ISTJs). I don't have a preference when it comes to looks. Height, weight, color, good looking or not, I don't care.

What has changed in your personal taste?
I don't think my tastes have changed that much, but I am much more careful. In the past, I'd meet someone with some positive quality (e.g., intelligent, kind, or fun), and I'd think that was enough for us to live happily ever after. Usually we had very little in common and the person didn't even like me very much.
 

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I'm so broad the commonalities is shared among the whole human race.

More often than not the people attracted to me seems more intelligent than me. They have studied advanced shit for many years, had great grades, likes to think/argue and are open for weirdness. "Dumb" people are too scared I guess.
 

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No, it actually hasn't for me personally. I always was super duper attracted to the proverbial nerdy fella since as early as I can remember.

The young version of Ralph Nader is exactly the dream man I always dreamt of meeting around my age. But, since that figure is a figment of my imagination, I shall stay happy in my place just mesmerizing how wonderful of a person someone like him is.

I'm pretty sure a lot of women his age probably have had major crushes on him since, and considering he values his ascetic life, I'm sure I will be like them when I'm their age.
 
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