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Hate can be a very powerful and productive emotion. It can produce a drive to do great and/or terrible things. It can be a force (kind of like Master Windu's skill to tap into the dark side) one taps into for specific purposes or it can consume one altogether.

Unfortunately, those who struggle with substantial hate often struggle with even more self-hate. Self-hate is more about one's perceived ​shortcomings (picking at one's appearance, intelligence, talents, accomplishments, peer acceptance, self-worth).

Again, unfortunatey, those who self-hate obsess about past mistakes...particularly distant past mistakes that haunt them years later. I know for myself even today I suddenly was vividly transported to a memory of something stupid that I did 15 years ago and I shuddered as the embarassment was as strong as ever. This incident was the impetus for this thread.

What are your experiences with these things (or if you don't want to get into it, what do you think about these things)?
 

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I would not go as far to call it self hate. I don't think I really hate myself or anyone.

I think I have struggled with a lot of choices I made previous but in the same regard I think that I ran away from thinking about them and dismissing them earlier so I think I just needed more of an awakening of myself and others the last few years, I try and evaluate my choices and others and come to terms with it.

I guess I am ok with evaluating it all as a lot of it I haven't always wanted to look head on in terms of how things really made me feel. So I am ok. Its not dwelling its just awakening myself to my contribution to life choices and others and considering how things made me feel rather then having a cycle of events I just chose to stop and examine thing-feelings.

Its not always bad to be transported back to a mistake. I guess it is if its a cycle of self hate all the time that's not healthy. Maybe your subconscious wants you to explore your feelings?
 

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MOTM June 2015
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Unfortunately, those who struggle with substantial hate often struggle with even more self-hate. Self-hate is more about one's perceived ​shortcomings (picking at one's appearance, intelligence, talents, accomplishments, peer acceptance, self-worth).

Again, unfortunately, those who self-hate obsess about past mistakes...particularly distant past mistakes that haunt them years later. I know for myself even today I suddenly was vividly transported to a memory of something stupid that I did 15 years ago and I shuddered as the embarrassment was as strong as ever. This incident was the impetus for this thread.

What are your experiences with these things (or if you don't want to get into it, what do you think about these things)?
I do this all the time. I can be having a perfectly "normal" day, and a memory will pop into my head, as though my subconscious mind is reminding me that I have not put myself through my daily you are so dumb, worthless and stupid session. It is almost as though a part of me is feeling like hey, I'm okay and the other part is trying to remind me you're not okay. It's like a recording that continually says, remember when you did this stupid thing, how could you have been such an idiot. It's as though your mind is at war with itself.

I don't tend to forgive myself for my mistakes. I dredge them up from the past and relive them over and over again. It's silly to do this, and I know that, but it doesn't seem to stop it from happening. I was raised by a parent who wanted me to be "perfect" mistakes were promptly pointed out, and punishment delivered. Praise was sparse. My parent has apologized for being so harsh and hard, and we have a good relationship now. I think this aspect of my past has a lot to do with why I am so hard on myself, and can't seem to move on from my mistakes. I am fully aware that this is illogical.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but I dredge up things to relive from 10 or more years ago, as well as stupid things I did a month or two ago. It really is a vicious cycle, and it can be exhausting and demoralizing.
 

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Those chills from past mistakes are feelings of shame, not exactly self hate. Shame is a product of fear, it's what happens when you fear being seen as less in the eyes of others.

It can be useful to explore the nature of that past shameful memory, are you still performing that negative behavior?
Did you betray your own values in a moment of weakness? Certain familiar situations should perhaps be avoided, to avoid being weakened again.


Perhaps you did something to make you look less in the eyes of others but the fault was with them for finding a problem in totally reasonable behavior.
There are a lot of very weak people in the world right now, and a lot of shame that's rightfully theirs. They eagerly seek to displace that shame by blowing certain mistakes out of proportion.
 

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The memories that I recall with affect are never the embarrassing ones but the imagined offenses that went over my head at the time and were never resolved. The unconscious may be attempting to resolve them but what usually happens is that I feel the affect, suppress the memory, and then willingly bring it back into consciousness in intellectualized forms without the affect. That somehow depotentiates the memory in the future.
 
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