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I have this particularly bad habit of becoming infatuated when it's inappropriate to do so. I also find that it takes a long time for me to get over my infatuation.

I've run into this situation again, as I've fallen for someone who is entirely unobtainable. There is no way that anything good will come of it, and the longer I let myself be interested the more harm I stand to do to myself. As I've never been good at moving on I felt the need to ask for advice. Please keep in mind that I'm looking for answers that do not include anything along the lines of: with time, it just happens, or finding someone else. I've heard those suggestions before and they really don't do any good.
 

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Tough one, happened to me as well. There is really no miraculous cure. You could avoid being around that person or not contacting her, it should help you lose feelings for her. But then again, it does take time.
One thing you can do is to try listing things why your relationship would not work out; logically and rationally explain to yourself that it would be unwise and stupid to be in love with that person. Even if that's a lie, it can help.
Or confess your feelings, either you'll profit or crash and burn. This is however extremely hard to do (at least for me).
 
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Tough one, happened to me as well. There is really no miraculous cure. You could avoid being around that person or not contacting her, it should help you lose feelings for her. But then again, it does take time.
One thing you can do is to try listing things why your relationship would not work out; logically and rationally explain to yourself that it would be unwise and stupid to be in love with that person. Even if that's a lie, it can help.
Or confess your feelings, either you'll profit or crash and burn. This is however extremely hard to do (at least for me).
Thanks. I've been trying to avoid contact, and regrettably my curiosity has been too strong up to this point. Though I think that you're absolutely correct that it needs to be a measure I take. Realistically, I know it will take time but I'm terribly impatient and that's always been a fault of mine.

I like the idea of listing reasons why it wouldn't work out. I thrive on lists, and actually having everything written down may help me to prioritize the problems. Explaining to myself that it would be stupid has been easy so far. The logical and rational portions of my mind are screaming at me for ever having considered her a viable option. And really, I can't tell her because she's entirely unavailable for many complicated and annoying reasons.

Thank you, I think you've given me methods to work with. :happy:
 
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I really don't see the problem with fantasizing about someone unobtainable, if you like how it makes you feel I say fantasize away

though you always have the option to find someone real, should you choose to take it

either way it's fine, I say stop thinking about what's appropriate and think about what you want
 

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I have this particularly bad habit of becoming infatuated when it's inappropriate to do so. I also find that it takes a long time for me to get over my infatuation.

I've run into this situation again, as I've fallen for someone who is entirely unobtainable. There is no way that anything good will come of it, and the longer I let myself be interested the more harm I stand to do to myself. As I've never been good at moving on I felt the need to ask for advice. Please keep in mind that I'm looking for answers that do not include anything along the lines of: with time, it just happens, or finding someone else. I've heard those suggestions before and they really don't do any good.
Well you have to move on. It's clear you can't get her. You're just stalling your own decision. You need to make up your own mind saying to yourself: "I don't want to waste any more time thinking about this person", and then move on.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I really don't see the problem with fantasizing about someone unobtainable, if you like how it makes you feel I say fantasize away

though you always have the option to find someone real, should you choose to take it

either way it's fine, I say stop thinking about what's appropriate and think about what you want
I actually don't like how it makes me feel. I've also had experience with being infatuated, and liking how it felt. That has resulted in being crushed once reality comes around, so I'd like to avoid it again.

Well you have to move on. It's clear you can't get her. You're just stalling your own decision. You need to make up your own mind saying to yourself: "I don't want to waste any more time thinking about this person", and then move on.
Very true. My hurdle is the actual process of moving on. I know full well that this is unrealistic, and not good for me. Logic says to move on, and that it should be that easy. I seem to have fallen into complacency when it comes to being fascinated by her though. It's going to be ripping that interest away that gets me to move on.
 

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If at all possible cut the person off for a period of time. Or if that's not completely possible, monitor and restrict what interaction you have with her. Identify what feeds your attraction and stop that behavior. If being around this person causes emotions in you that are not appropriate and that are hurting you then stopping contact can give you time to clear your head. When you look at your reasons for moving on you don't want your head to be clouded with romantic fantasies.
 
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Wow. Ok, that was fantastic. That's exactly what it feels like. Thank you Nitou, that was perfect.
 
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