For most if not all of my entire life, I have been extremely passive. Passive to the point where most of my grades suffered in high school because I didn't push myself enough into doing the work, I lost a good amount of friends because I was too 'calm, serene' or just not interesting enough to gain a good personality in their books. I always wanted to do the easiest things in life. Follow the crowd, (for when I was really little) not run around and stick to my parents side, allowing others to make decisions for me and not really... I guess being active enough to really take that task upon myself. Basically, I've always been calm, too scared sometimes to take risks and stick out for what I believe in, and also just... passive. Being content to just sit back and as some would phrase it, 'watch the world go by,' in serenity.
Now that I think about it, this is a huge INFP trait anyway to have.
Just not wanting to face things, too passive to take charge of things, or just plain too frightened to even try.
But as I'm growing up now and have to take charge of new responsibilities, I find that I'm changing in a lot of ways. First of all, I'm way more assertive. I've grown in the way that I have SO much more self confidence now, and now I actually am willing to stand up for myself and not get trampled on.. or at least, not nearly as much as before.
I get tired of others I know well and their actions I can already predict that I find predictable and annoying, and tend to snap at them.
Which I'm not so proud of, but I just feel myself getting this 'I've been through this way too many times before' feeling, and badly want to snap out of it. I'm also finding that suddenly, life is making me become more and more independent, which is really scary for me. Just the fact that suddenly.. I'm on my own. I've had a very sheltered life, so this feels like being shoved into the deep end. Panicked me tries to fall back on others willing to help... and then trusts too easily. I've gotten hurt and hurt because of this in the past a lot anyway, but I really feel the need to trust in others even more now.
I've also realized that I don't like it when others promise something that never ends up happening, even when it doesn't happen to me. I know people forget, something happens that makes it so it doesn't work out, or they're just empty. But it still really hurts. I guess it feels like promises have feelings too to me. Also just growing up, I've realized there is a lot in my past that I regret not doing, that I feel like should have been done. In this respect, I've gotten also very sentimental.
Last thing (I promise!), I'm in a state of really wanting to get things done. Just finding procrastinators and people who assure me it will eventually get done, tiring because it simply hasn't gotten done yet. Then I start to wonder, When will it get done then? Which isn't realistic I know, because people are generally busy with their own lives and can't do everything at once so it gets complete, but logic and reason don't always go hand in hand I think. I still feel like it should get done ASAP, or I get frustrated. This also goes with the trusting point as well maybe... just trusting others to do it, getting frustrated for it not getting done, but too scared to be assertive and be responsible for it myself. This new change confuses me because it's really not a P trait, more a J trait. So a very interesting clash of P/J.
This post is such a ramble, I apologize.
Just trying to get my thoughts down, hopefully in a semi-readable way, haha.
I'm just wondering if any other INFPs had this growing up as well. Can anyone relate? If so, how did you get through this?
Now that I think about it, this is a huge INFP trait anyway to have.
But as I'm growing up now and have to take charge of new responsibilities, I find that I'm changing in a lot of ways. First of all, I'm way more assertive. I've grown in the way that I have SO much more self confidence now, and now I actually am willing to stand up for myself and not get trampled on.. or at least, not nearly as much as before.
I've also realized that I don't like it when others promise something that never ends up happening, even when it doesn't happen to me. I know people forget, something happens that makes it so it doesn't work out, or they're just empty. But it still really hurts. I guess it feels like promises have feelings too to me. Also just growing up, I've realized there is a lot in my past that I regret not doing, that I feel like should have been done. In this respect, I've gotten also very sentimental.
Last thing (I promise!), I'm in a state of really wanting to get things done. Just finding procrastinators and people who assure me it will eventually get done, tiring because it simply hasn't gotten done yet. Then I start to wonder, When will it get done then? Which isn't realistic I know, because people are generally busy with their own lives and can't do everything at once so it gets complete, but logic and reason don't always go hand in hand I think. I still feel like it should get done ASAP, or I get frustrated. This also goes with the trusting point as well maybe... just trusting others to do it, getting frustrated for it not getting done, but too scared to be assertive and be responsible for it myself. This new change confuses me because it's really not a P trait, more a J trait. So a very interesting clash of P/J.
This post is such a ramble, I apologize.
I'm just wondering if any other INFPs had this growing up as well. Can anyone relate? If so, how did you get through this?