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You could say that this winter break for me has been a little heart aching. For a couple of months now, I've been really sad over my dad's old age. He's pretty old compared to the other parents, and signs of old age have started kicking in already. My dad's been showing sadness over his ageing for a couple years now, and it hurts to imagine that he might not be in my future for as long as I'd like him to be. I've also said and done some things to him that I'm not proud of. For example, I got really pissed at him during Christmas for drinking a little too much and smoking when he just wanted to celebrate his last day of retirement. I have to admit, I kind of killed it for him. I apologized, but he still wasn't as joyful. And for a while now, I've felt like a shitty daughter.

My parents have given up so much to allow me and me to get a good education, and we're in a lot of debt right now and both my parents are now unemployed. They've risked so much for me, yet I feel like I'm not worth it. I'm not getting the grades they want me to get.

In addition to that, my friend, who I've been irritated with for a few weeks, just came out of the closet. It's strange because I suddenly feel great sadness over him being sad. I want to be his biggest supporter now, and the thought of him being sad makes my heart hurt.

I actually thought that I didn't care too much for my friends or anyone, but I guess I do now.
I guess my worries are only human, but I still wish I didn't have them.

I've been constantly listening to the song "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Cinderella to make me feel better, but it only reminds me of how sad I am.

That just about sums up my winter heart break.

How have you guys been lately?
 
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