Like a living environment or something. Where you knew that you'd be attacked for expressing your true inner self? Did you have to become someone else? How did the long-term chronic stress affect you?
Wow, we have basically lived the same life. Although I was maybe a bit more intense with seeking out real true friendships I just kept those secret from my family. I think when people say it's impossible to not be yourself they might mean that you discover new sides to yourself. Doesn't mean you become someone else just another part of yourself."Ever" yes.
A "living environment" yes but I was so used to it that it was second nature and it wasn't painful for a couple of decades.
I also had to do it in non-living environments, aka my whole entire school years up until I finally left for university and could be free. But also my entire friendships until my mid 20s. They were friendships based entirely on me not being my true self. And sure enough, when I finally came out and was my true self, the friendships fell apart. But hey I'm glad it happened.
The "living environment" was my entire life living with my parents xD So basically all I remember is expressing myself as a baby, being shut down by the parents, so I adopted the mask that would keep me safe around them, and it just became an automatic thing. Turn it on when they're there, turn it off when they're away. It was never painful because I was always safe inside myself and inside my room. The painful part was actually slipping accidentally and being myself for a second, I'd freak out and think "Oh nonono I need to cover this up!" and I would put on my act again, clean up my mess so to speak. I was a very contained and secretive person.
How did the long-term chronic stress affect you?
It didn't affect me, if I'm understanding the question correctly. If you mean how it affected my Fi, which is basically my values, they were never a clash until my mid 20s tbh. I was on a mission to keep myself safe in the "living environment" until I could escape my parents, the school system and my fake friends... so... it was all good to me.
I enjoyed my time alone behind closed doors, being my true self in isolation, doing my hobbies that nobody knew about, thinking my thoughts that nobody knew, and studying the weird books I wanted, etc. I kept my personal life and my public lives separate, and "public life" included the life in the livingroom, in the kitchen, everywhere my parents existed. I had a plan -stay safe until you can escape one day- and followed my plan, and since safety was a core value, it never clashed with my Fi.
But, I must admit that it did affect my friendships. All my friendships felt meaningless to me and I never cared about a single person. Like they could've died and I wouldn't have flinched tbh. I felt alone in the world, even in a room full of people, and that was my suffering: chronic aloneness. Which led to nihilism. I developed clinical depression in my late teens, and was in that state for six years, self-harming and doing terrible things to myself because my soul was totally depleted and there was no one I could trust to help me, so I just fell deeper and deeper. So that's how "chronic stress" affected me. But like I said, only with friends. My parents are irrelevant, coworkers and bosses and whatever job I'm at are irrelevant, I put on whatever mask I need to get what I want. Why doesn't it affect me in those specific situations? Because I have a specific goal and the goal is materialistic, nothing to do with humanity.
In the case of friendships is different, because the goal of friendship for me is not materialistic, it's human.
For materialistic goals I use aquaintances (networking).
It just depends on the goal.
And I know that people will come and say "You can never not be your true self, that's impossible". And I agree with that. You are always being yourself. But for the sake of this conversation, I know what you mean, so I won't go existential with the whole "it's impossible blablabla..."
Because I was in those two situations for so long, I thought something was wrong with me. I doubted myself. This is huge; I think this mentality is natural if you have to go through such situations. You have to continue to fight it; I gave up. I thought I was a person that was difficult to work and live with, but I was proved wrong by experiences after these (other individuals let me be who I am and they were as comfortable as me).Like a living environment or something. Where you knew that you'd be attacked for expressing your true inner self? Did you have to become someone else? How did the long-term chronic stress affect you?
Definitely. All the time. But, I try to just think of it as just being a portion of myself instead of a completely different someone else.Like a living environment or something. Where you knew that you'd be attacked for expressing your true inner self? Did you have to become someone else? How did the long-term chronic stress affect you?
He was an interesting personality because he was equal part idealistic deep feeling guy and part ''Don't fuck with me''. He had this vibe of like strength that he put off. It's hard to explain. He seemed like immovable or something. Just solid. A rock. It's hard to believe he'd been shy as a teen. Even so he still probably had that vibe going on.I saw an interview with Marlon Brando on YT recently. It was with Dick Cavett as I recall. Anyway, Cavett was praising Brando for being such a great actor and all, and Brando basically said it's all bullshit, and how because every person puts on act every single day of their lives at one moment or another. We're all great actors in other words.
I don't know. I've heard similar arguments and to be honest I think it's just people rationalizing their way out of various conflicts. You can really think about something so much that it becomes nothing. If that makes sense. I think there definitely are times when an environment restricts. You could argue that even if violence is likely that the persons till has a choice to restrict themselves or not, but I mean that's not really reality. It's all self-preservation really.What if the whole time we are simply prioritizing one need or desire when there is conflict in our own needs and desires? The environment is not what is restricting.... we’re acting on what we actually value more.
I think the simplest version of the ''true self'' for me is acting on our desires that we are naturally inclined to have. Not restricting ourselves.. I think most people do restrict themselves though. There are a lot of reasons but a major one and studies have shown this, is embarrassment. A study was done on people on their death beds and the most common regret was not being more true to themselves and caring too much about what others think. Some people are more or less in touch with this. I think most people are too extreme on both ends. The selfish people are too aware of themselves and need to get more in touch with others and the philanthropic people need to get more in touch with themselves.What is the true self? I think it’s a combination of all these things and yet they aren’t always in harmony either. If my true self is made up of contradicting aspects, then how can I be consistent with it? And speaking of it as if it is separate from me in any situation. I am always me. It’s whether I accept parts of myself or not that gives me the feeling I’m being true. My identity is not my true self, then. What I identify with are parts of myself I’ve accepted (and this is not always positive).
Yeah, it's important to have both. Going too far into myself makes me go off the deep end and I disconnect from reality completely. And being around people all the time strips me of my personality because I'm not a *strong* personality in the sense that I'm very affected by people around me. I sort of become them after awhile.Definitely. All the time. But, I try to just think of it as just being a portion of myself instead of a completely different someone else.
One time I went on a trip and I lived with like 13 girls, and it was crazy intense not being able to be myself. I just journaled my brains out and tried to get away from them as much as possible.
Being part of myself is basically my life now (as others have said), and it seems to be okay for me as long as I have an outlet somewhere where I can be fully me. I'm trying to be more of myself though now regardless of acceptance. Still on the lookout for attacks and clutching my closest treasures and gems to my chest.
What did you do in these times, though? Like did you find any outlet like maybe creatively to focus on?Like I said, I gave up. I was not myself at all. I shut down, became extremely quiet, only spoke when others asked me to. Due to the long-term chronic stress, I developed PTSD (due to childhood abuse). I don't want to go off about how an anxiety disorder literally destroys every aspect of your life, but it really does...it's serious stuff. I wish I had a warning about how my horrible situations would lead to such a tragedy in my life. So I advise you, if you are in such a situation to move out ASAP. If you absolutely cannot, then find a really good friend to confide to. Talk to your friend regularly; These talks can be therapeutic. They can get you through these situations.
This is so how I am too. Crazy. What's your Enneagram?Yeah, it's important to have both. Going too far into myself makes me go off the deep end and I disconnect from reality completely. And being around people all the time strips me of my personality because I'm not a *strong* personality in the sense that I'm very affected by people around me. I sort of become them after awhile.