[hopebeat]

You know that phrase, "I'm my own worst enemy"?
We seem to always protect ourselves from hurting other people, or from people hurting us, but sometimes I think we break our own hearts. Do you find that you set yourself up for failure, choose to be pessimistic, or anything similar?

Not even sure if I'm explaining this well, but I think it's an interesting point.

Any thoughts?
How do you break your own heart?

 

I personally blow up tiny details to be way more than they need to be. In my head it becomes a huge issue, and I become sad for a long time... when in reality it's something like their phone died and they never saw my text or something :frustrating:

Am I the only one that finds this interesting?

It looks like there's different levels of a broken heart as well.
Sometimes it's hard to encourage yourself to keep going.

This probably leads to self confidence issues as well. We sometimes have to find a way to tell ourselves that we're actually worth something.

 

[Severin]

I went through a process of self-annihilation back when I was dealing with depression. I hated myself, so I did just about anything that I could to get rid of my agency and self-worth. I allowed an ISTP to abuse me for a little while, and I gave up a lot of valuable things (my independence, my virginity, etc.) simply because I didn't care for myself anymore.

It eventually came to a head, and I realized what I was doing to myself. Fortunately that point led to me turning everything around, but I suppose that you could describe that as me "breaking my own heart".

 

[Hanne]

Kind of.
It's the curse of having too much imagination.

I often spent so much time imagining how something will go, that i end up disappointed because i just expected too much. To be honest, i had some "relationships" that probably only existed in my head. That probably sounds a bit psycho (obviously i know that they were not!), but i just never mustered the courage to say anything to them but i kept imagining gatherings and futures, so after a while when something happened, it felt like a break-up, but i broke my own heart.

I know i often think the worst and imagine having done something wrong when friends don't answer (immediately), or cancel, or decline an invitation. But over the years i've learned that this isn't true. The world just doesn't evolve around me (oops).

 

[Sonderous]

I think I do in a way, by disregarding my own needs. I try to be as selfless as I possibly can, and see every imperfect interpersonal interaction is a result of me not being a good enough person. And I do my best to not entitle myself to anything or expect anything in return for things I do. If people think I deserve something, they will give me something. If not, I am not a good enough person. But it's not as much of a self-deprecating thing as it used to be. Now, I smile and tell people that I love them, no matter what (literally no matter what). It still hurts though, which makes me feel a little guilty because it's like proof to myself that I'm not that great of a person.

 

[LenaAndersen92]

You know that phrase, "I'm my own worst enemy"?
We seem to always protect ourselves from hurting other people, or from people hurting us, but sometimes I think we break our own hearts. Do you find that you set yourself up for failure, choose to be pessimistic, or anything similar?

This probably leads to self confidence issues as well. We sometimes have to find a way to tell ourselves that we're actually worth something.[/spoiler]

Yep, I can relate to this, hopebeat. I've mentioned on other threads that I'm a very guarded person because of my past experiences, so I definitely set myself up for failure by being too guarded. I wish I didn't have such a hard time letting things go. This also translates into aspects of my life like trying new things and being open to new experiences. I hate that I can't be spontaneous. A couple of my friends wanted to go skydiving this weekend and invited me, but, like always, I chickened out and weighed the pros and cons. Pro=Adrenaline rush. Cons=possible fatal injury or death, kind of expensive, what if a bird flies into my mouth (??), etc. When it comes to new things, I am definitely my own worst enemy. Hoping to break out of it one day.

 

[RainbowHeartz]

My proclivity towards straight guys has left enough stitches on my heart that even Frankenstein's Monster would look at it disgusted... Unfortunately, these emotions have dipped into my friends group as well... I don't do it on purpose and I have high "realistic" standards...

Oh and your example was perfect Hopebeat! I knooow what you mean

 

[hopebeat]

@RainbowHeartz and @LenaAndersen92 Thank you both

All of you guys have got me thinking, my shyness has ruined so many opportunities for myself. I'm way better than I used to be, but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not this shy little girl anymore, I can actually do things now :th_cool:

 

[reveur]

All the things that we do to ourselves...

I've heard once that I abandoned myself. And that was true. I didn't even see that until it was pointed out. To abandon yourself is to neglect your needs, to sacrifice yourself (I think it's an act of despair), to reject your own rights, and sabotage your own success, I think. This is how I broke my heart. But... It doesn't have to be the end. Even if it's sometimes hard to believe, we have something inside of us, that allows us to evolve. We can learn from an experience.

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in". (Sounds a bit poetic, but whatever). I don't think it's easy to take it as it is, but I believe that this is the right path, through transformance.

I personally blow up tiny details to be way more than they need to be. In my head it becomes a huge issue, and I become sad for a long time... when in reality it's something like their phone died and they never saw my text or something

When you'll notice something like that try to imagine the most trivial cause. Let it be another possibility. "When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses not zebras". And then - verify it. It's better to ask and see, than to assume. Check the reality. Separate what happened from your own interpretation. A situation, for example:

1) A silent phone. It's real. This is something that you could register by your senses.
2) Your own thoughts, assumptions about it. This is an interpretation. It might or might not be true.
3) Sadness as a reaction to your thoughts.

Ask youself why are you sad...

 

[Incline]

Yes. I have broken my own heart through some self-sabotage in the past (mostly due to fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, etc) which resulted in me not reaching some of my goals. Coupled with my negative experiences with people and being betrayed, I seriously don't know how my heart is still standing. Perhaps it has been made stronger by all those experiences, I hope.

 

[RyuukoGo]

I broke my heart a few months ago...I fell in love with a woman who is basically a narcissists ..and a little personality disorder thrown in feel in love in 20 hours....I dated her to "harden" up...after I broke my heart I was a lot better at handling on-line dating...but it took 200+ hours to get over her... she is still the same...she is 55 years old and can't figure out why men don't want to be with her for more than a year.

Not something I would advise doing unless you have a sort of an "extra personality" to bail you out. :wink:

 

[FreeKekistan]

Having dealt with several unfaithful partners has really left a mark on me. I am no longer able to fully trust. My Ni is totally messed up when it comes to relations. I will ask for confirmation when Ni seems to go into alarm mode. If I receive comforting and I am shown that it's fine I calm down. If I am not receiving comforting and reassurance, my heart breaks and I abandon the relation out of fear of being abandoned. Must sound terrible to the outsider, but my trust has been broken in 5 out of 6 relations. And I'm only counting the major ones, not the micro relations, lasting at least a few months.

 

[Wednesday Mermaid]

Break my own heart all the time; I have a lot of love for pretty much everyone and it just dies inside of me.

 

[StElmosDream]

In the past yes, choosing not to acknowledge when 'friendships' and dating attempts have been futile since these people were emotionally immature, self interested in only getting their needs met, 'seeking more' before mentally or emotionally ready to reciprocate and during past attempts to 'fix people' as if making another 'whole again' would treat my own (then) untreated therapy issues around trust and attachment based childhood traumas.
Also by ascribing lofty expectations and moral standards to situations or people realising that this fosters mistrust and frustration, especially within Western society that is so busy, allowing little time for deeper conversations little or often unless basic needs are adequately met first (I still argue that mental health and emotional needs matter just as much security but few agree to date).

 

[Vivid Melody]

I break my heart any time I treat myself with a lack of love. So that can manifest in many different ways. It could involve being self-critical or depriving myself of very real needs I have. There are so many ways to torture the self. I would be here all day if i went through it all I think Lets love ourselves instead

 

[chanteuse]

I make up scenarios in my head. When they don't match the outcome, my heart gets chipped a little. This has happened a lot. Now I am somewhat better at not setting expectations high but it's hard. Naturally I'd imagine all kinds of beautiful scenarios before-hand. This future thinking part is most difficult to break.