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I've recently ended a relationship with said type of person. He is in his 50's, works at a retail store for over 30 years as a sales associate, never put in for a promotion for supervisor or store manager, (when asked why, he said that he did not want the extra responsibilities and stress that came with it for a few dollars more per hour), has no hobbies or interests on anything. When we would go to the movies he would always fall asleep towards the middle of it and it's usually action movies because that's what he likes. When it finally came down to it, we had nothing in common.

After 3 months, I just had to end it with him. I felt bad because he is a genuinely nice guy but I want someone I can have a deep discussion with about whatever topics interest us. Someone I can connect with on a intellectual level.

Anyone care to share their experiences dating or even knowing such individuals?
 
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Yep. It lasted three years. He was a year older than me, too and he should have been more accomplished. It took for me to move to different states to end that. He was stuck at dead end jobs and is still substitute teaching. As long as he's ok with his life I guess, but that's not the life for me staying in a stand still. I have to be with someone who is motivated.

I had another one like that as well...luckily, the three of them did me a favor and left. It was no loss for me.
 

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Once and I will not do it again. He was a nice guy, but his only ambition in life was to be with me. I'm not interested in being someone's lifeline, so I ended it before he could propose.

Funny enough, he found a new broad in less than a month yet his love and devotion was everlasting just a few months before. Afterward, he tried finding a wife in Japan but left with his tail tucked between his legs. The last time we spoke, he was dating some young girl, paying what little he could for her tuition.

I also had friend whose dream was to get knocked up by a football player. She was a mess.
 

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Anyone care to share their experiences dating or even knowing such individuals?
Yes I have. One got married, the other one lives with a divorced guy. You could say both had/have ambitions because both keep studying specializations at the university but... it's not that way. They have no opinions, they just criticize other people, if you don't talk there is no material, and both looked for someone to follow to make their life have some direction, did I explain that the right way? both were/are pretty, both were ignored by many men, both had short relationships, it was very easy to loose interest with them around. Both worked hard on their body to get something going on, both are where the wind brought them... One lives two blocks from my home and the other one was a school friend (both known for years). Empty shells... lots of bitterness inside if you know where to poke, you bring it out. One of them actually said she was happy to go out, anywhere, with anyone, just to stay out of her home.

I also dated a third empty shell... she was clever, funny, kind, noble, but after a while noticed she had no ideas. Her mother was the right hand of a famous politician, a control freak. Both daughters had psychological problems due to excess of control over their lives. It was all pretty at first, but after a few conversations there was nothing... she was very... very pretty, but empty. This one actually touched my heart due to several circumstances, BTW her sister had a suicide attempt.
 

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never put in for a promotion for supervisor or store manager, (when asked why, he said that he did not want the extra responsibilities and stress that came with it for a few dollars more per hour)
I understand him. What matters for me in a job is my interest, a flexible schedule, being able to work rather independently and low stress. That said, I never ask for promotion or leadership positions, which can be perceived as being unambitious. A lot of my hobbies are solitary activities that could be shared with someone only if they are genuinely interested (such as studying humanities for myself) and even then, I tend to express myself in the natural flow of conversation. That said, if someone seriously and academically asks me "what do you think about X" chances are they receive short, directionless answers, eventually leading them to think of me as a dizzy person with no precious idea (though I know rather well what do I want from the life in may areas). Also, if someone asks me what my goals are in the life I only mention a few things which are considered by many as merely modest activities.
So, maybe I am somehow like what you describe, haha?
 

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I was going to say it has a lot to do with age, and then I noticed you were Generation X, so good job proving me wrong...

Still, it seems reasonable to me that as people get older the youthful drive for more would either get stuck trying to cope with a bite too big for them swallow, or in peaceful resignation that at some point they've had enough and it's time to learn to be happy with what they have. I am not there yet (32), but I'd like to think that by 50 I would at least be most of the way there, and I hope that's not counted against me.
 

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Happiness comes from satisfaction with what you have. Ambition isn't necessarily a good thing, especially when you have a lot of it. Mo' money mo' problems too. Just keep that in mind.

(But yeah, low end retail work might be aiming a little low, even for a guy like me)
 

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Frankly, most people fall into that category.

Sadly, luck plays a huge factor in creating this sort of person, but, ultimately it is their choice to remain so. I will say this in passing though, it can be ... the other person, e.g. you. People are inspired and motivated by different things. If a person needs real Cheetah balls for authenticity instead of Cheetos rounds, they may be incapable of getting them or not even realize that is what they want. You can make that connection for them. But in such cases, they have to inspire you to inspire them. It is synergistic.



Most of my girlfriends have failed to inspire me. When I get down (with them) there is no way back up. It can take a long time to muster the unknown from within yourself, ... a VERY ... long time. Luckily, for me, I know that the reverse is not true. Most of my girlfriends also tell me that I changed their lives and can do so fairly regularly. For some reason, I can exponent their world. I am just looking for one that can return the favor.

So be careful. Apathy is not only a choice one side makes. Ultimately, it is. But when you start saying 'get busy', and then add the second limit, 'now', ... that can relate to the relationship dynamic, which involves you, ... a lot.

1) Do you kindly and sensually wake your partner in the morning (essentially using your energy of love to wake them) at least sometimes?
2) Do you decide proactively to make a day all about them in every way from sunrise to sunset?
3) Can you fight your partner despite their laying there like a wet corpse until they are so angry at you that they move, and then redirect that energy towards something positive, ... a triple win?
4) Is your interaction with your partner something they must initiate or inspire most of the time. Are you a vampire? When you initiate three times in a row, are things still the same? What duration and intensity does your initiative have?
5) Do you know your partner's languages of love? If not, why the hell not?
6) Do you realize that image is critical and support your partner, rather than tear them down as most people do, even when they are not there; especially when you are alone with other members of your gender?
 

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Never officially dated this person, but we went on about 5 dates. Now we're just friends.

Basically he wanted to manage the grocery store we work at just because it'll look good on his resume, and possibly become a music artist if his music ever got picked up, but from what I've seen he barely works on it anymore if at all. And when I asked him what inspired the music he wrote, he was just like "I dunno, whatever gets people moving I guess." even though his lyrics seemed so passionate. It was mostly frustrating just because he didn't see life as more important than that. He definitely isn't a bad person. But I guess it's just easier for me to say, I want someone who at least wonders about their existence more than that and isn't content believing it starts and ends with the mundane. If, for example, when we kiss and it's great and I get caught up in it, and you're just sitting there like "This is alright. I feel indifferent about this," it's automatically a no.

It's not like I have huge plans, either. It's just that every little thing I experience feels like the universe is talking to me in some way, and when I can, I like to respond back positively to it. I'm constantly taking in little occurrences and associating them with a big picture. Life constantly trips me up. And he just seemed like he's just 'existing.'
 

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Never officially dated this person, but we went on about 5 dates. Now we're just friends.

Basically he wanted to manage the grocery store we work at just because it'll look good on his resume, and possibly become a music artist if his music ever picked up, but from what I've seen he barely works on it anymore if at all. And when I asked him what inspired the music he wrote, he was just like "I dunno, whatever gets people moving I guess." even though his lyrics seemed so passionate. It was mostly frustrating just because he didn't see life as more important than that. He definitely isn't a bad person. But I guess it's just easier for me to say, I want someone who at least wonders about their existence more than that and isn't content believing it starts and ends with the mundane. If, for example, when we kiss and it's great and I get caught up in it, and you're just sitting there like "This is alright. I feel indifferent about this," it's automatically a no.

It's not like I have huge plans, either. It's just that every little thing I experience feels like the universe is talking to me in some way, and when I can, I like to respond back positively to it. I'm constantly taking in little occurrences and associating them with a big picture. Life constantly trips me up. And he just seemed like he's just 'existing.'
It's clear you are an intimate in essence. This is the hornevian essence. The choices are self-pres, social, and intimate. Intimate is also sometimes called sexual.

I am also an intimate.

Intimates want experiences to blast through them. They desire and prefer intensity. They will make a fight a real fight. They make passion real passion. We burn up or burn out non-intimates. Socials are too light and prefer quantity over quality. Mostly social types DO NOT fit well with intimates unless you can reconcile those differences. Often intimates feel like they need 1 or 2 friends or lovers that are deeply passionately into them and a dozen more friends that are light. Intimates often feel it is hard finding a lover that answers all of their needs at the right depth.

And if you are also really a Scorpio, like me, .... well, I do not believe in the Horoscope, but it's fun to talk about. So very Scorpio.

Intimates often feel like others are just existing.

The self pres types are perfectly fine just existing. They prefer solitude or low energy scenarios but they are in a way even more intimate than intimates. They are body concerned. But they, self-pres, often lack passion. They are detached from it, and more compassionate. Self pres types are insanely good caregivers. So I think intimates can match ok with them if they do not expect too much passion or the self-pres can generate some passion.

Good luck!
 
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It's clear you are an intimate in essence. This is the hornevian essence. The choices are self-pres, social, and intimate. Intimate is also sometimes called sexual.

I am also an intimate.

Intimates want experiences to blast through them. They desire and prefer intensity. They will make a fight a real fight. They make passion real passion. We burn up or burn out non-intimates. Socials are too light and prefer quantity over quality. Mostly social types DO NOT fit well with intimates unless you can reconcile those differences. Often intimates feel like they need 1 or 2 friends or lovers that are deeply passionately into them and a dozen more friends that are light. Intimates often feel it is hard finding a lover that answers all of their needs at the right depth.

And if you are also really a Scorpio, like me, .... well, I do not believe in the Horoscope, but it's fun to talk about. So very Scorpio.

Intimates often feel like others are just existing.

The self pres types are perfectly fine just existing. They prefer solitude or low energy scenarios but they are in a way even more intimate than intimates. They are body concerned. But they, self-pres, often lack passion. They are detached from it, and more compassionate. Self pres types are insanely good caregivers. So I think intimates can match ok with them if they do not expect too much passion or the self-pres can generate some passion.

Good luck!
Good call, I'm indeed sx, in accordance with an instinctual variant test I took. But I didn't know that could explain something like this. I thought it only really applied to the connection you feel with people you're close to; not so much to the world around you. So that's cool to know. :) And thank you
 

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Happiness comes from satisfaction with what you have. Ambition isn't necessarily a good thing, especially when you have a lot of it. Mo' money mo' problems too. Just keep that in mind.

(But yeah, low end retail work might be aiming a little low, even for a guy like me)
That saying is about greedy people that want to leech off an ambitious person's success, not a critique of ambition itself.
 
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Everyone who has met me sure have.
This is what people see on the surface of me. Low end job, no friends, cheap living space, cheap car, no university degree, no life goal... everything 'people' "look for" I do not have.

I do not have any materialistic ambition/goals/passion. Life isn't about what you have or own, it's more what you do with your time... I like to see things, do things, enjoy things, learn things and spend time over money. My style of life isn't obvious.
 

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If you don't want a mediocre life you have to pass these people by, no matter how nice they are. if you're an ambitious and passionate person it's going to suck the life out of you to be with a person who is so laid back. Perhaps the sort of person you have as a casual friend, share a hobby/activity together but it isn't going to nourish you to be become the best version of yourself to keep that company in such a close position in your life as a partner and you're always going to long for something more.
 

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Yes I have. It was the most de-stimulating, boring thing in my life. I can assure you, it did NOT last long.

All he wanted to do was nap. Every single damn time. Had NO goals whatsoever, just wanted to stay home and play League of Legends. He was honestly the biggest loser and I should not have stooped down to that level or given him a chance in the first place. I honestly tried to help him and encourage him, but he was just an immature twat who just tried to belittle me instead of growing himself (makes sense considering he was "tiny" elsewhere) and who rejected any good opportunity. Then I heard he mistreated other girls after, me and now his other ex and I are friends XD ahaha. Anyway, bit off topic. Men with 0 ambition are absolute turn offs for me. They kill my ever-blossoming spirit, and I just can't live with that.
 

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I can't say that I have.
I've always been very driven and passionate about what I do, so I guess I attract ambitious and over achieving men even when I was younger.
 
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