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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long story short, I feel like I may be doing this soon. Maybe I already have in my head but have yet to set it in motion.

Basically, a lot of people that I've been hanging around lately haven't really been the most compatible or supportive of friends. Feel like they are holding me back in some way: they're always gossiping and creating drama and are just boring/mediocre people in general. I'm going to be a fairly lonely and friendless 26 year old dude but I feel like it will be better for me in the long run. Perhaps I will find a better crowd to hang out with in the future.
 

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Closest thing I can think of was the end of high school. I literally walked away with 3 friends. I had no interest in pursuing contact, when I really just knew people because of proximity. That said, it's a decade later, and I'm still close with all 3, even though were scattered into multiple countries now. For me, quality trumps quantity, every time. And I'm really glad I had my time and energy freed up for the friends I made after that.

In your case, it sounds like an immediate purging might benefit you in the end. We've only got enough energy to maintain a certain number of friends. Drama is going to drain that energy pretty quickly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Why doorslam them? You could stay in touch but just hang out with them a lot less.
I feel betrayed by them for holding me back and being unsupportive (I'm like the official friend group psychotherapist where they dump their problems on me) and they seem to be pretty apathetic about my problems. I feel like I could get a lot further in life if I found uplifting people to hang out with.
 

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I feel betrayed by them for holding me back and being unsupportive (I'm like the official friend group psychotherapist where they dump their problems on me) and they seem to be pretty apathetic about my problems. I feel like I could get a lot further in life if I found uplifting people to hang out with.
Ah, okay. I have some apathetic sort-of-friends/acquaintances that I see every couple of months, but they leave me alone. If yours are going to keep dumping stuff on you, then you're right, it would be better cutting them off.
 

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Nobody can make you do things you don't want to do short of holding your loved ones/pets hostage. You are free to walk away or to seek out a new group to hang with.
 

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I agree with everyone else! Just give yourself some space first to see how you feel before you even thinking about cutting them out of your life.
 

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At least a few times, realising that I had changed as a person while groups had adapted but in undesirable directions. Sometimes pulling back support shared and making it clear that you cannot be both a friend and a 'wise advisor' is necessary...mixed results, some will take the wounded 'you have changed-become cold' righteous indignant stance (ego preservation)f, some will acknowledge pressure placed on you, others will disappear into the wind not to be seen again as allies.

Realising that some groups of people were users, emotionally immature or simply lacking shared purpose and emotional investment besides routine or by-association identity, seeking to know little about others(situation or content specific only).
 

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Long story short
Long story short, I have. My entire class from high school. Everybody went out the window. Nice and clean, no need to cut around the edges. Just throw the whole thing away.
 
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I doorslammed my sister for nosing into my personal business. Then for some reason she decided to get my dad involved because she's a crybaby. He wasn't able to talk any sense into her and I ended up having to doorslam him too because he can get too strict with his words sometimes when he tries to straighten her out (he grew up religious).

I doorslammed my mom because she over-mothered me when I was younger.
 

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I don't understand why door-slamming is necessary for so many at once. It seems very dismissive to me. You can care for yourself, maintain boundaries, and not disregard anyone who happens to tire you or treat you thoughtlessly. If the people you cut off are awful to you in every way, then that makes sense. But people are so rarely like that. Most just make mistakes by trying to hard, or are oblivious and need somebody to take a stand for themselves before they can see it and change their behavior.

IMO, door-slamming is more just giving up on people because you don't receive enough personal benefit from the situation or the person. Relationships are two-way. If it becomes one-way, then tell them you're done because xyz. I feel like shutting them out suddenly is skipping a step.

This is my opinion on door-slamming in general. I will not deny that it is necessary if all other measures have been taken and the person refuses to acknowledge your standpoint, but from what I've seen, door-slamming happens more often as the easy-way-out, and not as the necessary route.
 

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Long story short, I feel like I may be doing this soon. Maybe I already have in my head but have yet to set it in motion.

Basically, a lot of people that I've been hanging around lately haven't really been the most compatible or supportive of friends. Feel like they are holding me back in some way: they're always gossiping and creating drama and are just boring/mediocre people in general. I'm going to be a fairly lonely and friendless 26 year old dude but I feel like it will be better for me in the long run. Perhaps I will find a better crowd to hang out with in the future.
Good for you. There might be temporary regret. Being friendless can be an intimidating prospect, but you need to lose the flotsam to make room for new friends. I've cut myself off from groups of friends twice in my life with no regrets.

Also, who you keep company with says a lot about you. Staying with mediocre people who hold you back is foolish. You've already made your decision.

Good luck.
 

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I don't understand why door-slamming is necessary for so many at once. It seems very dismissive to me. You can care for yourself, maintain boundaries, and not disregard anyone who happens to tire you or treat you thoughtlessly. If the people you cut off are awful to you in every way, then that makes sense. But people are so rarely like that. Most just make mistakes by trying to hard, or are oblivious and need somebody to take a stand for themselves before they can see it and change their behavior.

IMO, door-slamming is more just giving up on people because you don't receive enough personal benefit from the situation or the person. Relationships are two-way. If it becomes one-way, then tell them you're done because xyz. I feel like shutting them out suddenly is skipping a step.

This is my opinion on door-slamming in general. I will not deny that it is necessary if all other measures have been taken and the person refuses to acknowledge your standpoint, but from what I've seen, door-slamming happens more often as the easy-way-out, and not as the necessary route.
There are doorslams, and then there are doorslams.

Certain people just need to see a closed door. It doesn't have to be slammed. These people understand that you're just permanently shutting a door that's shut most of the time anyway. Easy come, easy go.

But the people the OP mentioned sound like they deserve a doorslam in the face. The OP said that these people are holding him back, and though there are boundary issues to attend to, it's absolutely necessary to cut certain people out to begin the process of defining boundaries. Someone is always going to get "hurt". But the doorslam is a first step, and almost inevitable when you're young and learning about these things. Besides, enforcing one's boundaries is just a more delicate way of closing a door. Instead of slamming it, you're just shutting it quietly and leaving a "Back in __" note taped to the door. The result is still the same: them on the other side, unable to get in. Also, some people you don't want knocking. Hence the full-on slam.

I do agree that it probably is an easy way out, but it comes down to limited time and energy. I will no longer expend finite resources on those who don't get it, who don't extend me the same courtesy and respect that I extend their way. In my experience, each 'spending spree' has been a regret.
 
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