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Hey guys,

i'm having abit of trouble there.. would really appreciate some advice from fellow INFJ. I'm starting to doubt my own perception/intuition for the very first time. Have you guys ever experienced it before? For INFJs like myself, i believe we seldom have difficulty reading people and depend alot on our intuition, which is rarely wrong..but have you ever wondered WHAT IF you are wrong for once? i mean rarely wrongly doesn't mean we will never be wrong..

There is this guy, lets call him X, that I met at my new workplace. X has been texting and calling me quite frequently ever since he got my number-its annoying me and definitely freaking me out. Though I must say that I do enjoy the conservations we shared, the frequent messages he sent me has been bothering me as it gives me an uncomfortable feeling..he has also been in acting all close to me and telling me stuff like he would be devastated if I ever leave despite the fact that i have only known him for less than 1 month!!

In the beginning, I thought that the reason why i felt unease was because I'm always guarded-I don't feel comfortable if someone gets too emotional dependent on me within such a short period of time. I considered it may be due to my over-friendliness that led him on to thinking that i was interested in something further than a friendship.

However, I just found out from another female colleague at work that X has a habit of getting ''close'' to females who just entered the company in desperateness of looking for a girlfriend. And it all made sense to me..the feeling of unease I had and no doubt I felt cheated and that I was the only one who is sincere in making a friend and spending all the time to listen to his ''troubles''.

The thing is that i actually like talking to him and i trust my intuition that deep inside, he isn't a desperate jerk after all... I actually confided in another friend and she thinks that I'm stupid enough to still want to talk to this guy. I have already cut down on talking to him but he just keeps appearing in my mind... o.o Am i really being dumb to believe the things he had said? I'm not referring to all that sweet talk but the problems that he had confided in me.. He is really a nice guy and I just think that he can do so much better than sending random ''sweet, lovely-dovey'' messages to the opposite sex without even meaning it..simply trying to flatter them. But what if i'm wrong this time...... Any thoughts? :crying:
 

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I read this wrong.

I don't think that your tuition is telling you that he isn't a desperate jerk. I think your intuition is telling you to stay away, and being an INFJ you want to believe the best in him or whatever. I could be wrong, but it just seems that's the more likely scenario than how you stated it.

I don't really doubt my intuition because it's never been wrong about anything that I can remember. It usually leads me to stay away from people and I stay close to them anyway because I want it to be wrong.
 

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I guess you may be right.. its just that after talking to X, i really think he can do so much better than going up to any girl in search for ''love''.. but the thing is I'm attracted to talking to him though I know I shouldn't! :S :S :S
 

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If the guy is really serious about finding a date (although I have my reservations about dating people you work with), he needs to approach his interest directly and ask her to lunch or out for coffee. He's behaving in what I interpret as an immature and passive-aggressive way by continuous text messaging and phone calling without stating his true intent. It seems immature and fishy to me in its indirectness. I much prefer a direct approach. If the guy is interested, he needs to have the social skills and personal strength to approach the person he's interested in and ask her to lunch or coffee to indicate that he's interested. If he tried that tactic with me, it would seem obvious that he doesn't have the strength to 'close the deal,' so to speak.
 

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I understand the doubts that you have about this guy. We INFJs can see something good even in the most hardened jerks that other women pass by. When we encounter somebody like this guy our intuition can become clouded, our judgement challenged by all kinds of doubts. Sometimes this leads us to enter relationships that don't turn out so well for us. And other times we end up running away from good relationships.

To me, from your story, this guy sounds like a slightly unbalanced form of ExFP personality preference, I would even venture as far to say he is ENFP because of this bit: " sending random ''sweet, lovely-dovey'' messages to the opposite sex without even meaning it simply trying to flatter them". I have noticed ENFPs tend to do this. But they flatter others because it really makes them feel good when others feel good. There is no conscious calculation behind it. Why I say he is probably an F is because it looks like he is not trying to play games like ExTPs do, but instead has a very straightforward approach and has appealed to you from the emotional side. ExTPs to the contrary usually develop plan of action, a strategy in their head how to approach and conquer their target, and so can give you the 'playa' vibe.

Unfortunately this approach backfires on some ENFPs. Women start suspecting them of ulterior motives because they come on so strongly. As you co-worker rationalized this he just gets close to all women that enter company because he wants a girlfriend i.e. he just wants to fuck around with the new girls. Women also get turned off by the fact that these guys appear to be desperate, because we have been biologically rigged to instead go for the competitive self-confident T-type male. As a result the ENFP guy ends up being rejected over and over again, and it appears like yours hasn't figured out the pattern yet.

Another reason why I think this is ExFP and not ExTP is because I have been approach by both types in my life and there are some telling differences. When you spend more time with ENTP and dig a little big further, you will find an all-consuming powerful ego and a sort of coldness in them concerning other people. You will at times sense that they are the center of their own universe. Some go through life consciously calculating their way through, always trying to turn events around them to their benefit. ENFP can at first glance give wrong impression to be doing same, but there some differences in approach that I have noticed. Since they aren't playing out a strategy, at the beginning they will come on faster and stronger than ENTPs, have no problem expressing their emotions and sharing some of them with you. They will appear to be more genuine and warm, not just towards you but towards many other people around them. At times though you will also at times get overwhelmed by the intensity and randomness of their emotions, and their need for almost constant attention and contact.

Usually when INxJs and ENxPs meet in life, they start experiencing mutual warm feelings towards each other even if it is just a bit of respect at the beginning. In my life, they have always been the initiators of friendships and relationships, and I would develop feelings for them only afterwards and at a much slower pace. Sounds like this is exactly what is happening to you as well - he is already feeling like he would be devastated if you leave while you're just discovering you have some warm feelings towards him and working through you doubts. INxJ and ENxP relationships are not an easy walk in the pakp, but they are usually quite emotional and memorable at the very least. Just like any personality type ENFPs have their own unhealthy personalities - so just be careful about it. If you are feeling uneasy about his constant attention seeking best way would be to communicate to him your problems with it but do it as friendly as possible without sounding overly critical.

Hope this had shed some light on this relationship for you from the MBTI perspective :)
 

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@ Vel: I think I might be really developing feelings for X and I think I'm trying to control it. As an INFJ, I have always been the one listening, but when I'm talking with him, I feel like he actually understands what I'm talking about.. Yet, the fact that he come on strongly at women turns me off too.. The ''right' thing to do would be to stay away from him? :confused:
 

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I wonder if he's an ENFJ haha...oh man...

I only doubt my intuition when it comes to relationships. I can never figure that out nor do I trust myself. I have an ENFJ friend that I'm smitten by and I totally thought she was flirting with me on purpose and liked me, but turns out that it's a no (so she says). Maybe my intuition is right and shes just putting up a front, but I ended up feeling like House from the end of the season before this one where he thought all these things were true BUT IT WAS ALL IN HIS HEAD BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY.

That didn't make me feel too good.
 

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@ Vel: I think I might be really developing feelings for X and I think I'm trying to control it. As an INFJ, I have always been the one listening, but when I'm talking with him, I feel like he actually understands what I'm talking about.. Yet, the fact that he come on strongly at women turns me off too.. The ''right' thing to do would be to stay away from him? :confused:
Sounds like an ENFP alright :) .... get him to take the test btw, this way you can know more or less for sure

MBTI cannot give you the right answer in this situation - it can give you some explanations, tips and hints on what problems you can encounter in relationships - but it has no predictive power over which relationships will work out and which won't. This is where you have to listen to your intuition. Like I said each personality type has its good apples and bad apples. There is a lot of variation within each personality preference. You do have to evaluate potential of having a healthy relationship with each individual separately. That is exactly what you feel is happening in your mind subconsciously - you feel that you have put your emotions away as your mind is trying to evaluate the situation more rationally to figure out if he would make a good partner.

In my life I have been courted by 4 ENTPs and 1 ENFP. I had developed feelings for all of them but my intuition told me that I could have had a good relationship with only one of the ENTPs (I met the ENFP when I was already in a relationship so that of course didn't go anywhere). Would I have have ended up in bad relationships with the other 3 ENTPs even though MBTI predicted their personality is a good match for mine? My judgement told me that yes. And this is why I choose to pull away from them (luckily ENTPs mostly end up feeling like it is your loss when you reject them and move on rather easily). And I ended up making the right decision reciprocating the feelings of the one ENTP my intuition told me would make a good match.

I would recommend giving it time since you say you have been in company not very long. Try to interact with him more, talk to him more, but on as neutral basis as possible. This way your intuition can gather more details and clues about him to build a more correct picture of his personality for you, at the same time without giving false hopes for him. You'll probably always like him, but if you end up figuring out that it is a no-go then you'll have to start liking him as a friend only, let him know that you are not interested and set up boundaries between you two. It will probably be difficult, because he is a co-worker so you probably have to see him often. On the other hand, if your intuition tells you that you can have a good relationship with this guy - then just go for it.
 

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@ Vel: I think I might be really developing feelings for X and I think I'm trying to control it. As an INFJ, I have always been the one listening, but when I'm talking with him, I feel like he actually understands what I'm talking about.. Yet, the fact that he come on strongly at women turns me off too.. The ''right' thing to do would be to stay away from him? :confused:
I wouldn't necessarily advise staying away from him, but limit your time with him. As I wrote above, if he's interested, he needs to step up and take action instead of doing all these passive-aggressive things like text messaging, calling you, chatting incessantly with you at work. I mean, what does he expect? Does he expect you to "pick up his signals" and take action because he's too much of a wuss to do it? That's not the kind of guy I'd want to start dating and consider building a relationship with. If a guy is interested in me and starts showing it in these rather pointless ways, I expect him to take action and give me a standard signal that he's really interested. For me, that usually means asking me out to coffee or lunch - i.e., we spend time alone, away from work. If he can't do that, he's not worth wasting your time with, imo. That's why I recommend limiting your time with him. Chat with him at work occasionally, but let him know more frequently that you have to end the chat and get back to work. Don't text him back when he texts you; let his calls go to voicemail and don't return all of his messages. Don't always respond to him. One of two things will happen: he'll back off because he thinks you're not interested, or he'll figure out that if he really wants to spend time with you, he needs to take action and ask you out. Do you really want to date a guy who will back off the second he doesn't get a response to his immature tactics of constant chatting? Or would you rather date a guy who can be mature enough and exhibit enough confidence and personal strength to ask you out? Personally, I'd rather go with choice B.
 
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Since everything has been said and cleared up I still want to respond.
When I started to read your post I was like mmmmm wait for it, wait for it, bamm There is this guy. It is amazing how some times we already know the answers but don't want to believe it to be true. Then this wonderful thing called doubt comes along before we do something stupid and not trust our intuition. As I have mentioned before I believe doubt is the fail switch for us by ignoring our Intuition in the first place.
 

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hi RedCableCar - so how 'new' are you to this workplace? he may be looking for someone new and fresh to hit on. this guy sounds like he's too lovey-dovey and even unprofessional in a workplace setting. TMI in less than one month? gross. absolutely you are right in noticing that this person is clinging on to you rather tightly in such a short period of time. INFJ have that friendliness/approachability thing at work. usually in a new work setting - i take about 3-6 months surveying the environment, and culture of the company before getting too close to people. take note of what other co-workers are telling you (other women). i hope he's not sending those lovey-dovey messages to co-workers while at work, or via e-mail...do you really want to be associated with someone like this in the office? wow you are really sweet - a guy like that i'd give them a 'look' and they'd know not to be 'friendly' with me at work - but that's me no business and pleasure together :) but i guess times have changed now.

but on the other hand this person may be quite nice, and be friend worthy, but clearly he is a fast mover. i would exert caution, and still act professional at work, as he seems to lack popularity amongst other co-workers, you may want to not be so close to him until you get to know everyone really well in your surrondings. go with your instincts girl - i don't have a clue on how to 'type' people, but there's some basic office interaction stuff to think about...especially if you are new to this company. 'think' about it, of course he is going to latch onto you, clingy types often seek people who will give them the time. also you may be 'new' and 'cute' and super nice (INFJ) thus easy for him to talk to - assess whether or not you like him, and go from there...but unless it's serious, or until you establish yourself and are no longer 'new' at your company, keep it out of the office.

I really agree with Zalithian - sounds like your intuition may be telling you to be cautious or stay away. But since you already like him, why not get to know him better? But honestly, guys like that who hit on everything that moves - i don't know if he has 'eyes for you' truly, or if he seems that way, only in the moment. time and observation will tell with persons like that, if you really want to give him a chance.
 
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