[Richeee]

Have you ever felt that you have better control over other people's lives?

Have you ever felt that you have better control over other people's lives, especially close friends', than your own?

I can almost always predict other people's decisions,choices, and the possible outcomes of those..I know what will happen if they follow my advice, and know what will happen if they don't, the latter usually resulting in the I TOLD YOU! effect.
But I cant say the same for my own...I feel like my life is slipping out my hands, or maybe I never even had any real control to begin with. I can easily play the fortune-teller for anyone, or guide them, but I can't guide myself. I always make the worst possible decisons, and my expectations never align with reality(If you've seen the movie 500 days of Summer then that scene sums me up pretty well). It's like I'm everyone's "budget-psychologist" but my own.
And if there are any psychologists here, can you always guide yourself the same way you treat your patients? Or do you need counseling yourself?
Wow, it's harder to explain this than I thought:O Probably a lot more on my mind, this is just what I could say for now with a bad hangover^^

So my questions is, do you ever feel this way? Do you ever stop yourself and think, you're wasting an unhealthy ammount of energy on other people's lives and asking nothing in return?

 

[Richeee]

Sorrylol

Bump because I'm desperate for at least 1 opinion

 

[The Vizier]

Nope I don't have this problem. I learn to resolve my own issues first before I apply what I learned from my experiences to the lives of others. While I may not always be able to help others as much as I like to, I know how to help myself.

With regards to helping people, I know that there is a time and place for everything. You can bring a lion to the river, but you can't force it to drink; if you value your life that is. I help because I want to. I help because I have the capacity to. I help because I care for the people that cross my path. As such it doesn't bother me if I get nothing in return since that was never my intention. But if you really help someone, you will grow from experience too. For me that is enough. Lastly I only help within my means. I do not overextend myself. That will only cause the both of us to drown together. Before I help, I try to see if I am capable of doing so or not.

 

[Dalien]

Listen to the heart. The quamire comes from within, because the heart is not being taken care of. It is in no way selfish to take care of ones' self first. One can only give what one has. If love for ones' self is not there, there is no love to give elsewhere. So when one tries to give this love, it only hurts...it feels no joy. Just know that the desire to give, is a blessing and not a demon when one is settled with ones' self.

I have had the feeling you talk about before. I no longer have it. Yes, now and then I get twinges of this overwhelming feeling. How did/do I deal with it? I tell myself that I am not being selfish for taking care of myself first...that this perception of selfishness only comes from my desire to give. In my selfishness, I am not being selfish...what a paradox! I take care of myself first in order to give all that I can to someone else. I know my limitations. I am ok with this. I am ok with me. I am there for who I can be there for. I know that I can not be there for everyone; eventhough, I would love this. I am there for who I can be there for and know that someone else will be there for the ones that I can not. This ok too. I hope this makes some kind of sense to you. You will get there.

 

[Dalien]

Nope I don't have this problem. I learn to resolve my own issues first before I apply what I learned from my experiences to the lives of others. While I may not always be able to help others as much as I like to, I know how to help myself.

With regards to helping people, I know that there is a time and place for everything. You can bring a lion to the river, but you can't force it to drink; if you value your life that is. I help because I want to. I help because I have the capacity to. I help because I care for the people that cross my path. As such it doesn't bother me if I get nothing in return since that was never my intention. But if you really help someone, you will grow from experience too. For me that is enough. Lastly I only help within my means. I do not overextend myself. That will only cause the both of us to drown together. Before I help, I try to see if I am capable of doing so or not.

Vizier is wise.

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I generally have my life pretty much in order, particularly with regard to logistics. I attempt to organize things such that they operate almost on auto-pilot. I prepare for potential disasters so that I am able to deal with them without affecting my way of life in a negative way. I live a simple life, but I like to mitigate possible bumps along the way. I like my life to run smoothly and drama-free, and become irritable if it does not.

Unfortunately, I seem to surround myself with Perceiving types, and their inability to prioritize and plan always staggers me. I watch them procrastinate and refuse to organize, and then bitch when everything falls apart. They never realize that it is they who are digging their own hole, and not the world that is conspiring against them. This is probably not limited to P types, but I do see a trend.

I generally mind my own business. I never give unsolicited advice, and also never tell anyone "I told you so." I am definitely not always right about what someone should do, and I am actually reluctant to give personal advice. I will advise people on financial issues, but usually limit it to recommending that they attempt to do without and save more so that they will be prepared for future hard times or unexpected dilemmas. If someone asks me about a matter, I will give advice, but if they do not take it I do not really care.

 

[The Vizier]

Vizier is wise.

You're too kind. I still have a lot to learn about life.

 

[Dalien]

You're too kind. I still have a lot to learn about life.

So do I! As long as we keep learning, all will be well. :wink:

 

[SarahWilliams]

What Vizier and Horrible said.

Also, I think it's a good power - being able to see how people's choices will affect them.

In my own personal life, this can live itself as me being paralyzed from making *MY* own life choices. So as weird as it sounds, I think it's good you're living and making your own mistakes.

Sorry, I know thats not the happy answer.