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I didn't want to open up about an aspect of emotional abuse I had gone through in detail (mostly because I didn't think these individuals deserve a mention anyway :dry:) but I suppose I want to share with my other INFP's, so that they can become stronger.

Okay............here goes............................

When I first started studying in a foreign country away from home, I depended a lot on my ex male best friend and my third ex boyfriend. And at that time they were at home while I was in UK so I often had to depend on electronic communication.

My ex male best friend was one of the biggest players ever, but I have no idea why I became friends with him now, I must've been THAT lost and naive at that time. Anyway his name is Jon. I remember Jon kept asking me to dump my third ex. Well he was my best friend, but does that give him the right to be over controlling and manipulative?

Okay so in December 2007 or was it January 2008 (don't remember when exactly) I got into a fight with my third ex. (Well can you blame it? It was long distance, there likely be a lot of stress involved). Then after that I remember my instincts kept telling me that he's pulling away, he's cheating on me and thinking of ending the relationship, but I didn't listen to them.

In March 2008, on MSN, suddenly my third ex talked about dumping me but I begged him to stay. I begged him so much, until I offered to call him up (I wasted so many international phone cards during my firsrt year!) I called my third ex up and cried in front of him. I really cried. His tone however was calm but mocking. I could tell her enjoyed it.

I asked him,''Is there someone else?''
He said,''Er..yes''
I kept asking,''What did you do with her?''
He was like,''I held her hand,etc''

Then he said some very cruel things like,''You've done mistakes before, why can't I?''

Anyway, after half an hour of trying to beg him and he still couldn't take me back, and not only that he MOCKED me along the way, we hung up. Then I called my ex best friend, Jon and cried in front of him. You know what was the first thing my so-called best friend said?

''I told you babe,'' he said.'' You didn't listen to me.''

Then I asked Jon if he had seen my third ex with another girl. he said,'' Yup.''

I said,''Do you think he'll regret dumping me?''

Jon was like,''Are you kidding? She is a model, with a really hot body, I doubt he'll regret it.''

For weeks after that, everytime I communicated occasionally with my third ex and my ex best friend, somehow they would make subtly degrading comments about either my looks or my attitude.

What happened to me because of them? I became very insecure. I couldn't understand why people I loved the most made such a big deal about the way I look, so I thought the main problem was me. I started thinking for MANY MONTHS on how to improve my looks, I let their remarks cut through to my heart and soul, I went to the gym often even though I hate exercising. I was insecure, depressed and I cried a lot during the year 2008.

At first I thought I must be being irrational because they were so subtle about it. However, through time I realize that if it's there, it's there. The scars of emotional abuse were REALLY there. They mocked me, they tore down my self confidence even though they knew I depended on them as it was my first time away from home!

It gave me a hell of a year in 2008. But at the end of 2008 and starting 2009, stuff happened and I had a better life ;p :wink: Hahahahahah

What happened between me and Jon?

At the end of 2008, when Jon asked me,''Hey aren't we best friends forever? Why are you drifting apart from me on MSN?'' I was very cruel. I said to him on MSN,'' Oh sorry I have a new best friend already (I did!) and he's way better than you'' And then I cut him off from everything, from MSN, from email. I cut him 100% out of my life :tongue:

What happened between me and my third ex?

This year, I was so good in pretending that I was sincerely nice to him (I just wanted answers from him about my life, I was too lost at one point, it's a long story).

I encouraged him and made him do something stupid which could cost him his WHOLE PERSONAL LIFE if people ever found out. (Or rather his personal alliance with someone hahahahahha)

Hahahha, it won't effect me as much though because hey... Uhm, nevermind, I better not say. I'll save it for blackmailing purposes *Evil*

Moral of the story: DON'T MESS WITH ME, BITCH.


What did I become as a result of all of that? I realize that jerks have no right in how I think about myself. I am too good to be associated with people like that. I am strictly the leader of my life. I like who I became much later; I like that I became a person who's interested in exploring the world and politics. I like that I became a person who trust more in her inner voice and intuition than she did before.


I also learn that conventional beauty is overrated. Now? I am comfortable with the way I look. Like I said in the confession thread, this year is the year I am truly accepting of my looks and I feel absolutely comfortable in my body. I don't have to do things that I dislike or overthink myself into destruction to achieve that. Even if a guy told me otherwise, I will still love my looks the way it is. :proud: I am the leader of how I think about my beauty as a woman.

I don't hate those two though, now I just find it amusing and a nice story to share.

Feel free to share your stories.

Sorry if I made anyone hurt by the story.
 

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I've learned a hard lesson in life... People who were mean to me before do it for one reason and one super duper reason only... They were jealous of me. That's right. I have two parents who still love each other. I live in a nice, safe neighborhood that those losers could never admit wanting to live here as well, I am talented, nice, attractive, and mature beyond my years. I am a wonderful person, worthy of love, and able to give people plenty of good life lessons if they let me in. They knew this (I didn't at the time.), and it turned them green with gills.

Now that I think back, even girls who supposedly didn't liked me, TRIED to be like me. They tried to look like me, it was somewhat odd but they did try, and when they learned they couldn't, it made them hate me even more. It was so sad because they each were special in their own ways, beautiful in their own ways, and instead of accepting it, they chose to let out their frustrations and low self-esteem onto me. In the end, you just gotta keep on moving foward.

Perhaps the two boys in your life were mad that, despite that you aren't the typical blue-eyed wonderwoman, that you have a big heart, a vast imagination, and an inner beauty that is rare to find nowadays. They hate that they don't have your smarts, your creativity, your dreams... They hated that they can't be as happy as you.

You're awesome, girl! Remember that! :proud:
 
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