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Hi fellow INFJ’s (& other types are most welcome as well),

I’ve actually been thinking about this one for a very long time ever since I noticed I never (ever) take initiative when it comes to the beginning of 'relationships' (be it romantically charged ones, friendships or even just initiating first contact when meeting a random stranger).

So I was wondering; who else experiences this and is baffled by the amount of people who actually do take that initial interest in you?

I’d love to hear specific stories as well so; feel free to reply in any way you like (meaning; the short or elaborate version).

Thanks!

Marla
 

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That is a fantastic question. If I have, it has been rare. Certainly the majority of my romantic relationships were not initiated by me. I was rather shy when I was younger, and am still quite a bit. I am generally unaware that someone is attracted to me, esp. if the feeling is reciprocated, and am usually completely surprised when someone makes a move or shows interest. This happens less as I grow older ad I have been a bit more aware of when someone is attracted, though I would still probably not make the first move. Very rarely, I have been the one to flirt (usually after that second glass of wine....:). The thought of me actually approaching someone in a social situation and initiating contact is utterly foreign to me.

Friends, too, it seems. Friendships just seem to develop usually. Like meets like and it just goes from there. I think it is usually mutual.
 

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I very rarely make the first move. It's just not something I usually do. I'm pretty shy, but I think it has more to do with what we humans tend (and have) to give one another.

About a year or two ago I started to question whether I'd ever accomplish the things I want to if I never make the first move... I think I've been getting better, but it made me question something else. Who am I to reject my natural predisposition? Anyway, typical E6 thought process about growth vs. acceptance.

Recently, I went out on a limb and made the first move. My gut had been going off like a sparkler for weeks and I really couldn't ignore it. Sure, I ended up making a fool out of myself, but somehow this one found it endearing. We're still at the beginning, but it's one of those occasions where things are just falling into place. And now we have a rather amusing story about how awkward I can be :)
 
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That is a fantastic question. If I have, it has been rare. Certainly the majority of my romantic relationships were not initiated by me. I was rather shy when I was younger, and am still quite a bit. I am generally unaware that someone is attracted to me, esp. if the feeling is reciprocated, and am usually completely surprised when someone makes a move or shows interest. This happens less as I grow older ad I have been a bit more aware of when someone is attracted, though I would still probably not make the first move. Very rarely, I have been the one to flirt (usually after that second glass of wine....:). The thought of me actually approaching someone in a social situation and initiating contact is utterly foreign to me.

Friends, too, it seems. Friendships just seem to develop usually. Like meets like and it just goes from there. I think it is usually mutual.
All this =)

Romantically, there was this situation where I made some sort of “first move” by accident – I accidentally touched a girl’s hand under the table – it turned out that she had sat next to me because she felt I was showing interest on her – and she poked me in response, and only then I noticed her (I’m so blind sometimes… ). And from then on my entire life has been a series of romantic accidents - it is possible that all the first moves that I made in my life went wrong… though sometimes I manage to juggle myself into some positive outcome – I made some good friends like that.

In terms of friendship, I have approached some people (very few) in the way that I would like to be approached, and most of the times it turned out well. The other friendships are the result of people being curious about my awkwardness (or vice-versa) and we end up finding out we share interests.
 

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I am able to approach someone when I feel there is a connection,
But about 99% of the time I just "show" them I am interested and let them choose if they'd like to take it further,
I hardly take the initiative in asking for a date with someone,
I get shy,
Though I do take initiative when first meeting people and starting conversation!
 

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I’ve actually been thinking about this one for a very long time ever since I noticed I never (ever) take initiative when it comes to the beginning of 'relationships' (be it romantically charged ones, friendships or even just initiating first contact when meeting a random stranger).

So I was wondering; who else experiences this and is baffled by the amount of people who actually do take that initial interest in you?
For me to make the first move, I tend to need to be somewhat within my comfort zone on one level or another. A few examples:

1. Some of the groups nearest and dearest to me are where I'll make the first move as I have a great deal of knowing for why I'm here, what I'm doing and like to help others feel welcomed to this place. So, as an example I can think of most Sundays at church where I'll talk to almost anyone in getting that initial contact going. A key point here is that I'm in my comfort zone on some level. As for a story, I can remember 2.5 years ago being at a weekend retreat, surrounded by books and a couple of women I hadn't known before the retreat. We had an awesome conversation that I started just because I was so comfortable. It was rather cool to learn about their families and all kinds of other things that I'm not sure one would ever get to the heart of a person so clearly.

2. In a couple of courses, I've been challenged to get out and do something. Now in this case one could wonder how is this in my comfort zone? Well, if I have a few people around me that have my back that can bring its own level of comfort. Nothing quite like having that stretch exercise of going up to strangers and offering free hugs which I've done a few times with interesting successes.

3. Sometimes it is easy to have a line that I want to give to someone. In these cases which are rather rare overall, I may just try to find someone that will talk and give the line. This can include people working in stores where in a way as a customer they may have to talk to me on some level.

For romantic relationships, I think the first one I had was started by me wanting to have that experience and ride that roller coaster. Course this would be back in my darker days where I was a bit of a manipulative a-hole about it. My other romantic relationships all involved getting clear signals including my personal favorite of the, "Ya know, we should go out sometime," that after that I asked for a date figuring that my chances of being rejected had finally dropped below .00001%.
 

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I never make the first move with friendships, but I always do with romantic relationships. Could be partially because I'm a woman, but it's mostly because once I'm romantically interested in someone, I have to have him. Mwah haha

That "knowing" is just not as strong with friendships so I tend to hold back until I think I can trust the person--which of course means they make the first move. I dislike this about myself but don't know how to change it.
 

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No, I never do. I pretty much refuse too. My parents tell me I should, but my feeling is that "Someone has to come to the other person first, why does it have to be me?"
 
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No, I never make the first move. It's never been a problem for me either. I'm very content by myself, and I'm not spontaneous enough to put myself in a potentially awkward situation like that! Good or bad, I'd replay it in my head over and over again and it would bother me for days.
 
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I've made the first move before. But only when I was really interested, which usually entailed sensing that this person would be interested in me. It was really scary but I think I put out the vibe of, "Ok dude, as you can see I'm not entirely comfortable doing this but I really like you so you better be nice to me!!!" However the guy told me that he felt intimidated by me because I seemed really confident and intense, but inside I was jello.

I think people fail and fumble the first move when they aren't sure if they really want to talk to the person. Like maybe they really want to engage them but not quite enough to force themselves to maintain composure, at least enough to not make things too weird. If I'm not entirely sure I want to engage a person, then I just won't because I'm not looking for casual relations. I need to know that there is a potential jewel inside that person that makes them worth it.
 

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A few times, although I much prefer expectation-less socialising to see what may exist before defining dating terms.
 

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Another "never." Cheers!

Not in romantic relationships, friendships.. hell, not even making plans. Other people are always chasing me down. Or trying to, anyway. I'm famously difficult to get ahold of. ;)

I've never really seen it as a problem, and the people who care about me only give me minor grievances over it, so I guess I'm okay that way. I'm either too shy, or I'm content to be alone.

Sometimes I do think it'd be nice to be more forward, though. I have difficulty with that.
 

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Yes, a few times in friendships and other things but it was usually spurred on by the idea of not having a second chance. I've been trying to make the first move more in life as I've realized it just gets more done and in a timely manner. I still wait for the other party a lot though...
 
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I started things with my current boyfriend. Though I was pursuing a friendship things developed into something else after a while. We were friends first and then we realized we wanted to be in a relationship and went for it.
It´s been 14 months and we are happy together and have a lot of plans.
Though, from time to time, we joke about how he played hard to get at first and he swears he was just oblivious :tongue:
 

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With a friendship, once, and it was sooo unlike me that I still wonder what had possessed me back then! It worked out just fine, and I'm glad I had spoken to the girl! What made me speak to her was purely intuitive... What helped was the fact that she came across as someone very open and warm, a person genuinely interested in others. She had no arrogant vibes around her, nor did she appear to be cold or indifferent. Just an easy-going, open-minded person really. I didn't know her, it was upon our 1st or 2nd time in a uni course that I approached her after class.

I wish I could repeat that with others (I sometimes wish I could be friends with certain individuals but never have the courage to be the one to start the conversation because I'm pretty "sure" they'll reject me)!
 

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A few times. Only with people I've known beforehand. I recently decided I would do it with strangers more often. That's right, approaching a girl I have never met before and getting a phone number or date. Or both. :tongue: The way I see it is if I get rejected 9 times out of 10, I only need to ask 10 girls out for it to work in my favour. :wink: I just wish I had come to this realisation 6 years ago. :laughing:

I'll keep you all posted...
 
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