[Jwing24]

Hi,

I graduated 2 yrs ago and am unemployed and looking for work. I've been looking only within my city, but I am throwing around the idea of looking elsewhere. I've never lived outside of my state though and other than school I've never moved before.

I'm not a huge fan of change and I worry about how well I will do in meeting new people in a new city. With that said, I need a job. I am hungry for a job and I think I have a decent resume.

So if you have moved before (for whatever reason work/spouse/etc), how did that go for you? How did you adjust? Do you still live there or did you move again or move back? Was it harder or easier than you thought it would be?

Any responses are appreciated, thanks.

 

[kateykinz]

Not including university, I've relocated twice in my life. The first time, I moved in with my boyfriend (only 3 and a half months after I first met him), who lived 40 miles away from my hometown, because I was offered a job in his city. It was a good job at the university, which was a great place to work if you want to meet people - with all those staff, mature students and postdocs. Even so, it took some time to meet new people - my boyfriend had only a couple of very good friends and we lived out in the sticks for the first 2 years. When we moved closer to the city and I met more people through my work, my social circle picked up quite quickly. It was overall a good thing to do because I was ready to leave my hometown friends at that point and explore new horizons and make different friends. If I hadn't have met my boyfriend when I did, I had planned to move to Australia and New Zealand for a year or two, so I would have relocated anyway.

The second relocation was huge - 5000 miles away from England to Canada. There was nothing exactly wrong with living in England, but we both thought we could lead a better kind of life in Canada and this has turned out to be true. We both fortunately got jobs in our respective fields very quickly and immersed into the culture here pretty much immediately, as it seemed to feel more like home than England ever did. Not that we could have imagined that before we left. Again, it took some time to make friends, but this time we mainly became friendly with other immigrants of various nationalities, rather than through work (all my colleagues are a lot older than me). I could make a lot more friends as the opportunities are endless in a big city, but I'm happy with the little circle I've got at the moment.

I would say if you really hate change and you are moving solely because of work opportunities that you may find yourself hit hard by homesickness. I think you need a definite sense of adventure, a little pioneering spirit, and the mental toughness to go through long periods of lonliness if necessary...otherwise you may end up desperately trying to make friends with the first person who shows you a friendly face, and then be stuck with them if they turn out not to be a compatible friend. You might end up putting on various masks just to fit in and have a social life, rather than just being yourself. Or you might end up spending long hours on the phone to your friends back home and never getting out enough to meet the new people that you need to meet. However, if you do have somewhat of a thirst for the as yet unknown, or you have more than one good reason to move, then it could be a richly rewarding experience for you...and you might find that leaving your comfort zone was the best thing that you ever did for your personal development.

It's impossible to know if you can be successful elsewhere without having tried it and really giving it your all - it's a real "suck it and see" kind of approach. At the end of the day, you can always move back home, and you know people there will always welcome you back.

 

[MissNobody]

I moved with my family once as a child 200miles away from the town where I was born and grew up, this was when I was 10 years old. Then about 6 months later we moved 120miles to another house, lived there for about 10 years. Last year we moved house again lol, this time not as far! Only to the next town, about 10miles away.

I think it is probably harder to move away on your own then it is as a family because you will likely miss your family not being near you.

I lost my friends when I moved, but this didn't bother me that much because they weren't what i'd call close friends, they lived in the same street as me and we used to hang out if we were bored, but I always felt like they weren't that interested in me. Plus they were only 10 so it's not like we would have had deep conversations. And I used to spend more time by myself drawing anyway so...

You get used to your new environment pretty quickly and if you try to make the most of it by getting to know the area, do some sightseeing you can learn to appreciate it.

I've also changed jobs a couple of times and it is very scary at first and it may take you a few months to settle in. I always think to myself that if I don't like it I can always go back to the way things were or I can try something else. However I always allow myself enough time to settle in first before making the decisions to stay or leave.

I've also just moved into University accommodation for the year so I am living away from home. I've been here 3 weeks not and I'm not quite homesick yet. Although I have been very ill with flu and I did miss my family very much then! I felt a little helpless.

 

[penchant]

I moved so many times as a child, I don't have a strong sense of being home anywhere. I am comfortable wherever I live, and wouldn't mind moving again for jobs or anything else, really. New contexts give me energy, and I very much enjoy learning new things and meeting new cultures.

Sometimes I do however feel that the rootlessness is less appealing, and wish that I could find somewhere to settle down and don't put my own children through the same thing as I've been through in my childhood. But I wouldn't be surprised if other things I value higher make sure that doesn't happen... And I do blend in well, so it's not that I feel lonely being thrown out somewhere new.

It's complicated...

 

[CyberSheep]

Lots of moving around as a child here as well. The bug seems to have bitten me, as I've never lived more than 5 years in any city, and have been living in different countries as well.

Personally, I really enjoy moving to another place, as it gets my energy flowing.

 

[zwanglos]

Relocated from MA to MD towards the end of high school... because of that, I had no qualms about going to college in MD.

During college, I studied abroad in both the UK and Germany.
After college, spent 8 months in NY state studying Chinese, then to Beijing, then came back to MD. Then went to Taiwan for 9 months, then came back for a few months, now back to Taiwan.

Friendships have formed and dissipated so often and so quickly for me at this point that I don't even put much emphasis on friendship as a concept anymore. I can't be bothered. In a way it's quite liberating, actually, because I don't feel a huge need to fit in or whatever.

Adapting to new cultures is different, and even if you're moving to just a new state there will be a slightly new culture you need to adapt to.

I see that you are Taiwanese by birth ... how's the Chinese? Going back to the land of your birth might be an enlightening experience. (Or not. Depends on the person.)

 

[vel]

So if you have moved before (for whatever reason work/spouse/etc), how did that go for you?

I've moved 7 times in my lifetime - twice with family, once to a different country, and 5 times myself due to studies/relationships etc.

How did you adjust?

Changing country was very difficult because I was stuck for several years without good use of the local language. In addition to that I am heavy visual/spatial learner, so listening/speaking are not my strong points and this has delayed me picking up a new language. Starting to speak it was very difficult for me.

Moving across the country whose language I already knew is relatively easy at least in United States. Moving is not that uncommon here (a family spends 5-7 years in one place on average) and any place you go you are likely to meet other people who have also moved and also don't know anything or anyone around. So it is not like you're stuck in a place where everybody knows each other and you're the always the outsider. Places I've lived in so far have been big urban areas of relatively high density of students and immigrants, so lots of newcomers and people moving in and out.

Do you still live there or did you move again or move back?

I haven't had a reason to go back to any of the places where I lived, neither have I really wanted to. I was homesick for a few months after I moved away from my family, but I felt emotionally pressured by them and living on my own was a sort of a relief. I could do what I wanted all the time, and get nagged for it only once a week when I called back In addition my parents right now live in a town of about 25 thousand people. This is very small town with very few jobs around. When I graduated local school practically all of my classmates moved away to attend various universities and colleges. I don't know of anyone who came back because as I said the town is very small with very small selection of jobs.

Was it harder or easier than you thought it would be?

If you have little stuff and don't accumulate a lot of belongings, it is very easy to move in physical sense. All you need really is a car or a rental truck. At least in US you can get used furniture and appliances from local advertisements and yard sales, and throw them away or resell when you're moving yet again. This way you don't have to drag a whole bunch of stuff around when you move.

I also think we N-dominants may be high maintenance intellectually, but we are relatively low maintenance in the physical world. I noticed that I don't really need a lot of stuff to be comfortable - just some basics for basic comfort and I'm happy. Only thing I would caution against is moving in to live with other people who create drama or conflict or always bug you for one reason or another. I cannot stand this. Because of Fe if there is conflict between people or drama in place where I live, I get upset and destabilized by this also. So if you are going to live with roommates be careful who you pick to live with, as it can reflect a lot on your own emotional and mental health.

 

[Jwing24]

Thanks for responding.

At this point I do feel a little different about the idea of living elsewhere. I think my confidence is growing with this, though I really don't know why. I will probably always have the little seed of doubt in the back of my mind.

If I could be picky, I like warmer weather (not HOT though), it would probably be 60-90 all year =P. I am also used to living in a city, I really don't think I could do the country at this stage in my life (single mid twenties).

Edit: forgot to add, yes I have been back to Taiwan once, it was a great experience. I was adopted from Taiwan as a baby. I plan to go back again within the next 10 years or so.



Also, that is a very good point about being able to come back home if you move away. I often find mysefl thinking that I will be stuck there when that's obviously not true.

 

[krnjason]

lived my whole life in Southern California, then moved to Chico, CA (small college town in norcal), then this yr (my 3rd year in college) i went on a study abroad program and am currently living in Uppsala, Sweden for a year.

when I first moved from socal to norcal, it was a huge step since i've never been on my own. It was a bit hard initially with me being homesick for the first couple of months, but after awhile I adapted nd i dont think i'd ever want to live n southern california again compared to norcal.

Studying a year abroad has been the best experience yet. If i thought norcal was good, Sweden is paradise. Besides the usually adaptations of language barrier, currency...etc, I think studying abroad in Sweden is one of the few good choices I've made in my life. People and the atmosphere is amazing. Make the U.S. seem like a shit hole (subjective of my view of course haha). The pace here is so slow and I feel like the Swede appreciate life a lot more than the rush of Americans back home do.

Moving anywhere is just about your ability to adapt to your new surroundings, settle down, and set a routine for your life again.

 

[scrybaby]

In my entire life I have lived in 15 different houses/apts in 11 different cities/towns in 4 different states.
I've never lived in one home longer that 5 years or in one state longer than 11yrs.
So I'd say I'm pretty used to moving.
In the next few months I will be moving again, to a new state.

For me moving is exciting. It's a fresh start. The most difficult part is the lack of privacy that can result from the moving process.

 

[Jwing24]

wow thanks everyone

it sounds kind of like a shot from your doctor. you're afraid, there is probably a bit of pain, but after it's done you realize that it wasn't so bad.