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Hey guys... I'm trying to understand how Fi users feel attachments, but has someone ever done something/changed in a way that made you stop liking them? Or if not, what would cause you to dislike someone that you had once decided you liked? And any examples of if this has happened to you would be appreciated. Thanks! :proud:
 

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I once liked a guy that turned out to be pretty ignorant. He'd constantly use gay slurs as synonyms for "stupid", used the word "retarded" and said with certainty that "people with tattoos and piercings are disgusting" as if other people's tastes didn't matter. I quickly realized that he wasn't who I made him to be and moved on.
 

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For me I have tended to dismiss incidents but I do still feel them inside and it does effect how I feel towards the person. Oddly I demonstrate as feeing insecure towards them and ask for reassurance.. guess I secretly want them to atone?

The only time I've dramatically ended a friendship was when the girl told me I was just insecure and over analytical when I told her I didn't like a boy at a frat party I had started dancing with pulling on my hair and yanking me around by the scalp like pulling on the reigns of a horse... I could feel how I was a slut object to him and h and everyone just expected me to not mind and think it was kinky cause I'd been ok with dancing. He pulled my head back and exposed my neck to the cieling and just held it there without dancing cause he could and felt up under my skirt. I hate him and I hate the girls who told me "what that's hot" and I hate my ex boyfriend for acting like it wasn't a big deal and I had been dancin on a table so obviously I'd been ok with it. I hate my ex friend for saying "if you wanna do it do it if u dont dont" as though I was insecure and didn't like it cause I wasn't ok with sexuality or something... I hate her pseudofeministfratgirl I sleep with guys for confidence im liberated you can have sex or not have sex logic but refusing to look at how the sex act occurs and its tone. That person did not care if I had an opinion on the matter.. it wasnt mutual dancing it was me being controlled and him liking that girls think its confidence cuz sex to go along with it.

so that changed how i felt about those people, permanantly. i was so disturbed they didnt get it or feel outraged on my behalf id keep talking about it and theyd be annoyed at how "analytical" i was.


some people should burn in hell honestly... ugh.
 

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I actually can't remember that ever happening... not that I have had a certain feeling that I liked someone and that that feeling would change to dislike. But there have been a few times when I was uncertain to begin with and when getting to know the person better I found out I didn't like them much. I think the opposite is more common though, that I like people better the better I know them, it is easier to be judgemental towards people you don't know, with the ones you know it is usually possible to see where they are comming from. What might be more common is eventually finding I don't like having them around too much, which is very different from not liking someone. I had a childhood friend that I hung out with almost every day for many years, but we grew appart, if we ever did get allong that well to begin with, and I never stopped liking her, but the last year whenever we met we were just annoyed with each other, didn't ever want to do the same things or talk about the same things, were overall on very different levels, so we eventually stopped seeing each other.

Generally though, I think I am probably one of the most... how to say... emotionally loyal persons I know, but socially very unloyal, or unreliable rather, I usually want people to stick around, but can't make myself do what it takes for them to want to.
 

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I once liked a guy that turned out to be pretty ignorant. He'd constantly use gay slurs as synonyms for "stupid", used the word "retarded" and said with certainty that "people with tattoos and piercings are disgusting" as if other people's tastes didn't matter. I quickly realized that he wasn't who I made him to be and moved on.
I totally identify with this. One of the biggest turn-offs for me is when people fail to give value to opinions/perceptions/feelings other than their own, especially with petty things like tattoos or slang terms they could easily substitute. (I don't understand the expression of such opinions, anyway; you obviously aren't open to discussion.)


Another thing I struggle with is the fact that I may invest more in relationships than others do. If I feel I'm the one who cares more or tries harder in any sort of relationship, I may suddenly go cold for awhile.
 

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Oh, it's so easy. So easy for me to be put off.

I'm not naive or unfair enough to put people on a pedestal and then suddenly stop liking them when they don't match up to the idealised version of themselves that I created. I'm aware everyone isn't perfect and to be honest, imperfections and flaws can sometimes be the reason why I like someone.

Having said that.. I do often find that I'll be attracted to guy for like maybe a week and then he does or says something and within a split second, all of my feelings for him disappear. It doesn't take me long to recognise they're an arsehole. Some girls have the 'so what, he looks good' attitude but I couldn't care less.

I remember I liked this one guy who I was introduced to by a mutual friend. One day my friend and him had planned to go to the movies after college. She invited me and initially I was hesitant about going but decided what the heck, I haven't got anything to do so I went. On our way there, I bumped into my other friend's brother who's the same age as me but has down syndrome. He was also going to the same theatre so I said he could walk with us since we were only 2 minutes away. The other guy suddenly became quiet and uncomfortable, I could hear him whispering 'Is he going to come with us?' 'Is he going to watch the same movie?' and so on. At that moment I thought, wow, you're a real dick. When I told my friend this, she said that's no real reason to dislike him and that he was just curious as to whether the other guy was coming or not. And maybe it is a stupid reason to suddenly drop your feelings but that's how I am. It really doesn't take much.
 

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Er well.

I loved someone for so long or so I thought. I never even met him but we talked a lot on the phone and had webcam chats all the time. I felt so close to him. We foguht at times and eventually out of nowhere he kicked me to the curb.

I didnt have any warnings or whatever and everything seemed fine the week before, I suppose he just accumulated stuff he didnt like about me and made one quick decision.

It totally had an unpleasant effect on me. I felt so weird that it was almost like a physical kind of pain, like as if someone peeled my skin off and poured vinegar all over my raw and oozing body. I went into a nervous breakdown and indulged in vodka for several months. My health deteriorated, hair fell out and had random cheilosis which made someone think it was an STD (lol, its a vitamin deficiency).

I had to put more effort with the vitamins and food for my hair to grow back, but it seemed my health was angry at me. Vodka..what do you know..lol.

So anyway back to the topic, just a few weeks ago I began seeing him in the flesh, since I moved here to his area and we had the same friends (or acquaintances). I bumped into him twice already and holy shit he doesnt look anything like his pictures. He was so awkward too.. I was like wtf..I got fucked up for almsot 2 years because of this?

The reason why I fell out of "like" or "love" for him was my mission to put my obsessions elsewhere: another guy.

Well thats another story..but let me just tell you..


"Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it." - Albus Dumbledore​

(there is no shortcut.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Sorry I'm being kinda slow here.... uh also sorry if I'm poking and prodding too much... feel free to ignore me...

Random/unrelatedish: I might be a Fi user too even, I don't really know. Apparently I am an ENFP agin, but I'm having trouble telling the difference between Fe and Ne-fi Si-whatever and akljhgldkjhgjk;;;;;.


I once liked a guy that turned out to be pretty ignorant. He'd constantly use gay slurs as synonyms for "stupid", used the word "retarded" and said with certainty that "people with tattoos and piercings are disgusting" as if other people's tastes didn't matter. I quickly realized that he wasn't who I made him to be and moved on.
So, nastiness/pettiness?

That makes a lot of sense. It seems like you guys deeply value honesty and genuineness. No wonder when you give it in spades. :)


For me I have tended to dismiss incidents but I do still feel them inside and it does effect how I feel towards the person. Oddly I demonstrate as feeing insecure towards them and ask for reassurance.. guess I secretly want them to atone?

The only time I've dramatically ended a friendship was when the girl told me I was just insecure and over analytical when I told her I didn't like a boy at a frat party I had started dancing with pulling on my hair and yanking me around by the scalp like pulling on the reigns of a horse... I could feel how I was a slut object to him and h and everyone just expected me to not mind and think it was kinky cause I'd been ok with dancing. He pulled my head back and exposed my neck to the cieling and just held it there without dancing cause he could and felt up under my skirt. I hate him and I hate the girls who told me "what that's hot" and I hate my ex boyfriend for acting like it wasn't a big deal and I had been dancin on a table so obviously I'd been ok with it. I hate my ex friend for saying "if you wanna do it do it if u dont dont" as though I was insecure and didn't like it cause I wasn't ok with sexuality or something... I hate her pseudofeministfratgirl I sleep with guys for confidence im liberated you can have sex or not have sex logic but refusing to look at how the sex act occurs and its tone. That person did not care if I had an opinion on the matter.. it wasnt mutual dancing it was me being controlled and him liking that girls think its confidence cuz sex to go along with it.

so that changed how i felt about those people, permanantly. i was so disturbed they didnt get it or feel outraged on my behalf id keep talking about it and theyd be annoyed at how "analytical" i was.


some people should burn in hell honestly... ugh.

Wow, that's awful. Your reaction makes complete sense to me. The fact that they could just blow you off is horrible, I don't get it when people just dismiss how other people feel for no reason. It really bothers me.




I actually can't remember that ever happening... not that I have had a certain feeling that I liked someone and that that feeling would change to dislike. But there have been a few times when I was uncertain to begin with and when getting to know the person better I found out I didn't like them much. I think the opposite is more common though, that I like people better the better I know them, it is easier to be judgemental towards people you don't know, with the ones you know it is usually possible to see where they are comming from. What might be more common is eventually finding I don't like having them around too much, which is very different from not liking someone. I had a childhood friend that I hung out with almost every day for many years, but we grew appart, if we ever did get allong that well to begin with, and I never stopped liking her, but the last year whenever we met we were just annoyed with each other, didn't ever want to do the same things or talk about the same things, were overall on very different levels, so we eventually stopped seeing each other.

Generally though, I think I am probably one of the most... how to say... emotionally loyal persons I know, but socially very unloyal, or unreliable rather, I usually want people to stick around, but can't make myself do what it takes for them to want to.
So basically your feelings don't change much, but your actions can be hit or miss in expressing that? Is it because it is a lot of work to show you care, or it just doesn't occur to you or?



Another thing I struggle with is the fact that I may invest more in relationships than others do. If I feel I'm the one who cares more or tries harder in any sort of relationship, I may suddenly go cold for awhile.
All I can say is I feel ya on this one. Though I don't mind it too much somehow, beyond feeling a little taken advantage of sometimes.


Er well.

I loved someone for so long or so I thought. I never even met him but we talked a lot on the phone and had webcam chats all the time. I felt so close to him. We foguht at times and eventually out of nowhere he kicked me to the curb.

I didnt have any warnings or whatever and everything seemed fine the week before, I suppose he just accumulated stuff he didnt like about me and made one quick decision.

It totally had an unpleasant effect on me. I felt so weird that it was almost like a physical kind of pain, like as if someone peeled my skin off and poured vinegar all over my raw and oozing body. I went into a nervous breakdown and indulged in vodka for several months. My health deteriorated, hair fell out and had random cheilosis which made someone think it was an STD (lol, its a vitamin deficiency).

I had to put more effort with the vitamins and food for my hair to grow back, but it seemed my health was angry at me. Vodka..what do you know..lol.

So anyway back to the topic, just a few weeks ago I began seeing him in the flesh, since I moved here to his area and we had the same friends (or acquaintances). I bumped into him twice already and holy shit he doesnt look anything like his pictures. He was so awkward too.. I was like wtf..I got fucked up for almsot 2 years because of this?

The reason why I fell out of "like" or "love" for him was my mission to put my obsessions elsewhere: another guy.

Well thats another story..but let me just tell you..


"Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it." - Albus Dumbledore​

(there is no shortcut.)
Gah, that's terrible. The way you described your pain... wow. I can only imagine.

But I'm confused, when you fell out of like/love, was that when he dropped you, or when you got past the pain, or when you saw him in person? Sorry if that was obvious U___U
 

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I'm pretty hot and cold when I'm getting to know someone. Occasionally I'll just get a huge STAY AWAY vibe from someone and I've learnt to take that seriously. Otherwise, I'm generally pretty optimistic at the first meeting - I want to like them, and I want to get to know them, and I want to make them feel comfortable and make sure they're having a good time. And that's great if we get along - I'm warm and we start to open up to each other and it's the start of a friendship.

Problem is, it usually goes the other way. The more they speak, the more I realise I a) can't relate to them, b) find them boring, c) find that our values clash big-time. So I've kind of gotten myself into a mess by being friendly and then realising that I don't like them after all, and now I have to try to cool things off without turning into a sudden bitch, because even though I don't like them I still don't want to hurt them, you know?

I can only think of a couple of times where I've had my feelings change towards someone in a long-term friendship. Most recently it was after seeing a side of them that they'd never shown me before; they were generally very closed off around people but I'd gotten an opportunity to see them on a more regular basis. I have no time for people who are controlling, hypocritical, or emotionally manipulative - and they were all 3. Lots of talk about wanting to work things out in everyone's best interests and compromise but when push came to shove they'd do whatever they had to do in order to come out on top. When it was just a few cases here and there with other people, I could write it off as maybe the other person being unreasonable, but once they started it with me I realised that they weren't actually interested in discussing things properly, and I just stopped caring. In the end we pretty much cut each other off at around the same time, both feeling equally self-righteous. (They were INFJ, if that helps.)
 

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i've stopped liking people, but it's on different levels, shades of grey, at this point in my life. like one of my best friend's mutual friends and i would hang out sometimes and she would talk shit about my close friend to me and was really petty about her and just generally acting immature. my friend had unintentionally hurt her and that's how she reacted, and then they had some drama, etc. i'm in my 30s and she's in her 40s, though was probably late 30s at the time. i have since distanced myself, i just don't want to deal with that kind of petty typical female bs at this point in my life (i've never really enjoyed it to be honest, but now it's just intolerable to me.)

also insincerity, phoniness is a big turn-off to me. i think i usually sense it, but if i don't and it comes out later, i usually distance myself as well. i also dislike people who are controlling or know-it-alls, so if those things come up, i distance myself.
 
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@wums it was when i "kinda" forced myself to fall for someone else. you know what they say.."band aids" as they call it...someone you go for to divert your hurt or attention away. i forced myself to idealize someone else...then eventually i began to realize the first guy i liked so much wasnt up to par to my standards ...he wasnt usually someone i'd go for. i just fell for him cause he gave me a lot of attention and affection ..or so i thought.

when i saw him in person, i even MORE felt over..i didnt feel anything at all. i just felt self conscious considering, well, we were VERY close..and this person who i dont even want to speak to, at some point in time, knew all my hopes dreams aspirations and all my dirt.
 

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People that use me for their own gains. Realizing this in someone will make it really difficult to ever trust them again.
 
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