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Abortion

  • I've had an abortion

    Votes: 7 6.4%
  • I've not had an abortion

    Votes: 67 60.9%
  • I know someone who has had an abortion

    Votes: 53 48.2%
  • I don't know someone who has had an abortion

    Votes: 37 33.6%
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I'm curious to hear people's experiences, abortion has a stigma attached to it that has many silent and this silence means people who aren't directly involved get to write the narrative and often what they express isn't an reasonable depiction of women's experiences if they even express consideration for the experience of women.

So let's hear from people from PerC who've had an abortion or known someone who has had an abortion.
Share as much or as little as you wish, could just say that you had one or know of someone who did and leave it at that. Could detail what lead you to make the decision and what was going through your mind at the time, the pressures on you, maybe you didn't have an abortion but considered it.

I want this to be a space for people's experiences, not people to debate abortion.
So do refrain from going on crusades for or against the legality or morality of abortion, there's plenty of other threads for that as this isn't one of them.


I'm assuming the males of PerC won't answer the had a or didn't have a abortion part of the poll.
 

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Yes. Twice.

Don't regret it. I've been through the grieving process with both. We were both young. Now we are married and about ready to start a family.

I have no problems answering questions about them. On the side, I talk to women who are going through post-abortion who need support and direct them to resources where I found the most helpful. One such place (I hope this is not considered advertising because I have no agenda to it) is Pass Support Site - Powered by vBulletin

I used that forum to help me heal. It is HEAVILY moderated. Talks about pro-life/pro-choice are not allowed. It is a place for women (and men) to grieve and help process their feelings.

But for those who are here on PerC, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Otherwise I am open to reasonable questions.

Both abortion experiences and pregnancies were very different. Both were terminated before 6 weeks. We were very young, not mentally, emotionally or financially stable at the time. First time we had no idea how things "worked" (lack of sex education). Second time, contraceptive failed us.

I don't mind going into detail about what happened during the procedures, but I'll see if we're ready for this. I'm more worried about how people will handle this emotionally than how I am perceived for it.

My younger sibling was almost aborted if he was not a boy. I don't have any judgement about it.
 

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With my eldest my best friend and I got pregnant at the same time and she did choose to have an abortion. (Its never been something that for me personally I can do) that said I do not demonize others who have done it.

She does not usually talk about it too much. But has a little. I think she feels sad about it in retrospect. I think sometimes it can be hard for her to look at my eldest daughter and think to herself she could have a child the same age. But overall by now I think she has made peace with what once I think she felt a lot of pain and guilt over in her case.

I know she probably gained over 100 pounds the two years that followed her abortion. She got obsessed with game the Sims and became reclusive. (And she's an extrovert). That was many years ago tho. I think she's gone thru all her grieving stages. I know she wants a baby now, but does not have a partner. I think when she has a baby she will be a helicopter mom a tad and coddle and hover a lot. She's like that with her cats.

Anyways I have watched her recluse way back when, to process and get past, to being comfortable with where she is and leading her life.
 

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When I was 18, I was in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend raped me without a condom and I became pregnant. I didn't even notice for the first month or two, until I started throwing up, and even then I was in denial. Some women say "you just know," but I never once felt connected to it. I had to go to a doctor for what I thought was a stomach flu, and he gave me the news. I knew instantly I had to get rid of it. I was jobless with a chronic illness and already a history of severe depression. And there was no way to prove that he had raped me. I was afraid that he would have the legal right to see my child, and even worse, that the child itself would be as cruel as the father.

It was the single most painful experience of my life, and I ended up doing it with no pain medication because I was too sick to swallow the pills. I remember my uterus contracting so violently it shook my whole body, and I was just screaming for nearly an hour. I begged God to let me die in that moment. But when it was over, everything was quiet, and I felt such intense relief. I've never once regretted my decision. It doesn't haunt me and it hasn't marked me as a person. I don't know if I'd be able to abort a child conceived under any other circumstance, because it's not a thing I take lightly. But if I had to go back to that point in time I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
 

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My aunt had an abortion a couple decades ago. I don't know anything about it in terms of her thoughts and feelings on it, but I know some of the circumstances- she was young (around 19 I think), didn't have her shit together, and her boyfriend/the father was an abusive drug addict. I know the procedure messed up her cervix causing her to have several miscarriages later in life (she has two teenagers now with her husband), but that was due to the nature of the procedure back then (late 80s-ish). What's interesting to me is that this information was only ever shared between her, her mom (who took her to get the abortion), and her sister. Her dad, her two brothers, and the babydaddy never even knew she was pregnant. When my grandmother told me the story and I expressed surprise that the whole thing was so secretive (I understood it being an immediate family only thing, but didn't understand why all the guys had been kept out of the loop), she explained to me that it was "women's business" and there was no way they could have told any of the men in the family, especially her dad, because he "would have done something stupid".
 

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I've not had an abortion or will ever, unless the accidental conception results in a Down Syndrome fetus. And it will only be accidental since I don't want any more children. But I fully support the right to body autonomy, regardless of gender.

My oldest close friend had an abortion when she was 17 or 18, even though they were careful about birth control. It was a traumatic experience for her but one she doesn't regret. She went onto having two children, when she and the same guy who fathered the first conception, were far better situated in life. Had they kept the unwanted fetus, their lives would have been dramatically different and frankly, IMO, they were far too immature at the time, to provide an emotionally healthy environment for a child.
 

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I think it can be taken further to, "a right to not exist". To not have existence, being, imposed. But the genie is out of the bottle before birth. As the enslavement of creation begins at conception. Attachment. All life wants to live, and find nourishment to continue its existence. A fetus included. It consumes life and energy. It always walks towards the light of life.
 

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I think it can be taken further to, "a right to not exist". To not have existence, being, imposed. But the genie is out of the bottle before birth. As the enslavement of creation begins at conception. Attachment. All life wants to live, and find nourishment to continue its existence. A fetus included. It consumes life and energy. It always walks towards the light of life.
I wonder if one day in the very far future it'll be possible to have that "right to not exist". It seems very unlikely though.

(Anyway, let's not add too much not strictly thread-related.)
 

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Well, I answered I have not had one because I feel my wife's decision to do so would have been mine as well. So, we have not had one, I guess I should say.

I do know someone who has...two actually (one person who had two abortions). Someone very close to me. From what I understand, it was out of fear of consequences from family. That's all I'll say about it. I need to spend some time talking with this person (people rather, it was a joint decision by the "parents"(of the aborted children) from what I understand) about it more, but I'm hesitant to bring it up because it's awkward for me. Let's just say sometimes what you don't know about a person is better left unknown. I'm not afforded the luxury of ignorance in this any more and in a way, I suppose I'm dealing with it by stuffing it away in hopes I'll forget. Let bygones be bygones and all that...
 

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I've never gone through an abortion. I've researched and read many stories from women who went under such a medical procedure.

I know this would be off- topic, kind of. But what really strikes me is that the stigma is so gigantic that some women have to anonymously post online in order to find someone to come to their medical procedure, support them and just.. be there for them.

In most cases those are young women, what makes it all even more horrible...

It's horrible to know that, in most cases, those young women don't have any family member to support them, to stand behind their choices and respect those choices no matter what, because those are their choices, choices of those women undergoing the medical procedure.
 

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Luckily, I've never been in the position to have to make that decision. I imagine that for me personally, an abortion would have been very hard to get over. In my 20s, I was obsessive about protecting myself and don't know how much money I spent on pregnancy tests. Not sure why, since Sweden is very liberal in regards to abortions - I think that it's pretty common, tbh.

Someone very close to me has had a couple of abortions. There is no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing for her and her fiancé at the time for many reasons. Today she has two beautiful children with her husband (not the same man). I don't know if she ever struggled with the aftermath; she never brought it up and I didn't want to pry.

One of my exes and his ex-fiancé also had two abortions. He took for granted that an abortion would be the solution if we accidentally got pregnant, but at the same time, I had to argue with him about using condoms. I got a feeling that he more or less forced her. He confessed to me that he punched her in the stomach when she was pregnant. He was a fucking bastard, he became physically abusive with me later on as well.
He was obviously not fit for a relationship and even less so to be a parent - and neither was I, considering who I was dating. Looking back, I realize what a nightmare it would have been to be forced to still have him in my life. It would probably have wrecked me. And he is one of the guys I can imagine would use a child as a pawn in his power games, one of the guys who would actually deliberately cause an accidental pregnancy, if it makes sense?

I feel like abortion is an extremely private and sensitive topic, in itself. Adding the judgement the open hostility, and lack of empathy and support from many in society, I'd imagine that it's double as hard to deal with.
For all of you who are sharing your stories here, making yourself vunrenable once again (which I have no doubt all of you are well aware of), you have my fullest respect! Thanks.
 

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I've cleaned up in here after a derail. So I ask that people keep to the intended topic without crusades, debates, judgement. Thanks.
Apologies. I suppose even saying off-hand that I'm tempted to derail is a derail.

I can't answer this thread myself, but my sister had an abortion. She never talks about it.
 
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