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Discussion Starter #1
:sad:

Warning: Even though it is the internet so it's anonymous I'm going to be pretty open in this thread. Why? Because I have kept these thoughts to myself for a long time and lately I can't sleep at night, I feel like shit, and don't know how to deal with it.

I can't afford a therapist so I think this is the best thing I can do right now (as an example right now it's 2 am.. I can't sleep).

So what's the problem? In no particular order

-Low self-esteem
-Very lonely (social issues) and depressed a lot

These things have been aggravated by unemployment (2nd time in a couple years). When you have a lot of time to think, a lot of things come to mind. Looking back over the last 10 years or so (I'm 24). I have realized that I have spent most of this time alone, either spent playing games like wow/everquest or looking at porn.

Result? A loner/anti social kid addicted to games and porn. Wow, amazing right?! I know, not really.
What is the result of doing this? The result is I have poor social skills, prefer to be alone because it's more comfortable, not because I prefer it (I know I need more friends than I have), and a seemingly complete inability to be able to relate to women.

Porn has really f'd up my mind about women. Growing up school came before all else so I didn't even really have friends who were girls so that was the only way I learned about them. It's not an issue when it's work related but it is when it comes to relationships it's a problem, of which I never had one.

Maybe I have an addictive personality, I don't know. So now I feel undeserving of a relationship because I feel like a creep and trying to get to know women feels straight up alien to me. I also feel uncomfortable around people in general since I've spent so much time growing up alone. I even spent a year living alone and not going out to hang out with people (in college), this is a terrible idea, btw. Basically for the longest time I have felt like I am on an island, where I am alone (think Tom Hanks and his volleyball buddy Castaway).

The thing that knows me the best is probably my computer. Too bad for me it isn't actually alive.

***Obviously these are my personal experiences, in no way am I trying to say that games or porn are inherently evil or anything of the sort. This is a reflection of me, not of these things. So hopefully that argument isn't brought up here***

If you read this far thanks for reading, I think I can try to fall asleep now. Typing this message and posting it on the internet makes me feel a little better already. It feels like I told someone about my problems (probably not good to hold things in), even though I really haven't.
 

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ENFP
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Hi Jwing,

Ok, first of all, you are not anti-social. Congratulations! An anti-social is usually a delinquent, who does crimes, gets in trouble, shows no remorse... you sound perfectly healthy.

From your post, you also sound like you have a sense of humor. Why not use that to your advantage?

It seems like exactly what's pointed out- being on the computer, playing video games and watching pornography, not going out, really has been the problem, not you. It's inhibiting certain social skills that seem to cause you to feel as though you cannot talk to women.

If you could choose a scenario where you hit it off with a girl, how would you envision it? What are some things that you would do to get her to notice you? What are some things about you that you would want her to know about you? Some things that you may share that might make her think, "Ghee. This guy's unique. I can't pass on this opportunity. I already feel something special"?
 

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Old Man
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Rather than to force interaction, to force development; let it happen naturally.

Become a regular somewhere like a simple restaurant or coffee shop, sit for a bit. Just start going places, eventually you'll become more comfortable around people, and perhaps a conversation may spark. Interactions aren't forced, you feel them out.

Don't worry about relating to women, if one happens to start a conversation with you. Just speak, over-thinking will only make you sound like a jackass. Don't see them as a sex object, just see them as people.

Self-esteem is really just an illusion, carry yourself in a manner of a self-confident person, and people will notice. Posture, speaking clearly, and eye contact are simple ways to build esteem. People will see you as confident, I can't stress posture enough; it truly makes a difference. Many people feel that there are things wrong with them, I wouldn't let that stop you.

Unemployment sucks, but it's a clear time.
 

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Don't you dare say that you don't deserve a relationship! Why don't you use your love of video games to your advantage? Or any other interests you may have, for that matter? Find someone, and focus on common interests. Go from there.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for the advice. I realized that those have been my all consuming interests since I spent more time on those two things than anything else. I think I need to stay away from games, I probably didn't explain it enough. If I wasn't playing games, I was doing the porn thing. If I wasn't doing that, I was playing games. I have probably spent like 3000 hrs playing games and maybe equal or more on porn.

So I think it's best for me to step away from these "interests", otherwise I won't improve. When I do either I tend to be consumed by it, it's really where all my time goes, which is why that seems like a bad idea to me. Anyway, just some clarification. I mean I have been working out the past couple of years just to try and stay away from these things. And I am LAZY, me and working out wouldn't have been in the same sentence any other way.

I really do appreciate your thoughts, thanks again.
 
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