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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone!

My boyfriend and I were talking about the Director of his art gallery, who is an excellent sales person and is extremely good in social situations. She has a way of putting almost anyone at ease with her friendliness and chattiness. She is tall and thin, and is attractive in a way that is not intimidating. She giggles and laughs cheerfully at your jokes and anecdotes, and many male and some female clients visit the gallery simply to converse with her. In conclusion, she has the ideal, extroverted personality to be the face of a business that relies on sales and the development of long term relationships with clients.

My boyfriend likes to say that she doesn't know very much about the art but it doesn't matter, because she is really good at selling. To be fair, when a serious connoisseur, important collector or museum curator visits, he will handle the business and she will simply stand back and listen. But the gallery also sees many interior designers, decorators, non-serious but affluent individuals, who are often not knowledgeable about the art, and in those cases, she easily charms them and ends up generating a lot of sales for the gallery.

He also tells me that she is very disorganized but that most good sales people are. Behind the scenes, she often drives her colleagues crazy, because she can be manipulative, selfish and unconcerned with the needs of others, is lazy with paperwork, careless with details and says things that she doesn't mean. To give her credit, she often doesn't think beyond what's in front of her at that very moment.

In our recent conversation about her, my boyfriend said, "She has an edge and she has an ability to get men to do things for her." After some prodding on my part, he went on to say that some people simply has it and others don't, and in order to have it, you must have a certain something.

What do you think is that "certain something"? Do you wish to have her seemingly infallible ability to charm, engage and be entertaining? In case you are wondering, she is an ESTP.
 

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What do you think is that "certain something"?
It's likely extroverted sensing combined with extroverted feeling. Thus, ESTP's and ESFP's both fall into this sort of charming category; though, there are many forms of charm.

Do you wish to have her seemingly infallible ability to charm, engage and be entertaining?
Do you?

As for me... On one hand, I see the benefit that would be, but I also understand that if I was like that, I would lose attributes I currently have. What could I possibly do with charm? Nothing comes to mind, so I guess I wouldn't want to make the trade.

INFJ's can be convincing, though, but I wouldn't say we're charming. We just have a way of converting people to our viewpoint.

However, I will say there are times I wish I was different because the INFJ personality isn't that great in the male form. I guess it has its benefits and pitfalls. If I wanted to be a revolutionary that commits myself to a cause 110% to change society; then I would have the perfect personality for it. Yet I don't really want to do that, nor do I want to convert people to a viewpoint since they should be thinking for themselves... so why the hell am I an INFJ? It's a mostly useless personality, yet when assessing the other possibilities available, I wouldn't make a change because I'd be afraid of the consequences.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think many of us have such complex personalities and thought processes, and it almost renders charm irrelevant, because there is so much to tackle and explore beyond what is socially interesting. But as you've said, there are many forms of charm. I think many INFJs are charming, because we are genuinely nice and have unique ideas.

Like you, I'd be afraid of losing the attributes that I currently have. However, I do find it so useful to be talkative and bubbly, and most of all, INTERESTED in the social world. So often I just can't be bothered to socialize even though I know it'd help my career. And then when the time comes, I just don't think I'm very good at it. That's why a part of me is envious of people who have that special ability to draw (the majority of) people in, even if it's done at a relatively superficial level. Most relationships you encounter day to day are quite superficial anyway.

My boyfriend is an ISTP, and he loves to hang out with people like his associate, because they are "light" and "fun". That is the other reason why I wish I could have stronger extraverted sensing, and fall into what you described as the "charming category". :)
 
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