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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(this is a rant, SORRY!)


I don't know about you guys, but as an INFP I feel a little "cursed". I don't WANT to feel this way, and I know there are all sorts of wonderful aspects of being an INFP...

but I do feel like some of us have a serious disadvantage when it comes to being happy. I see other people that go around giggling all the time, and even when they're heartbroken they can still manage to interact with others and smile and laugh. But I feel like everything is just THAT much more difficult for me.

It could just be me and depression or anything i'm suffering from, but I've found that in recent years since i'm growing up and kindof "becoming myself", I feel really fragile. Being happy for me always seems a little fake or forced now, or it's incredibly fleeting, and when it does come I have to try REALLY HARD to get it. I can go long periods of time with people laughing and carrying on and telling myself and them that i'm happy... but when I look back, it always seems a little forced, a little frantic.

Is this really who i'm becoming - someone who is doomed to spend the rest of her life desperately clawing at happiness?! I want to be "normal" and just relax on a sunny beach for a few weeks and enjoy it, but I know i'd soon start overanalyzing everything and want to be away from people and have a weird muddled period where i'd be retreating into the darkness to read depressing books because that's "who i am now" or something... I feel like i'm starting to not like this personality. :( And I can't help it. :(
I want to be carefree again, if I ever was.

Uh... is anyone out there even remotely relating to this?
 

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I know what you're going through. The world is an extremely unfair, cold, and evil place, and having the epiphany of all of that can slowly eat away at a person. I have found that, for me, looking and reflecting on the small hope/happy-inducing things in life make me feel lighter inside. For example, today at a gas station I saw a little kid ask his mom if he could get some candy, and when she said yes that kid got SO excited! It didn't matter what was going on- when he got his candy the whole world became filled with sugary goodness. So look for the little things in life, and remember them. Reflect on them. Also, go get some candy! GOOO!!!!!!!
 

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Move out of America or whatever Anglo-Saxon country you live in. These countries are the absolute worst for INFPs. Culture is on rude, ugly side, bandwagon-jumping in society rampant, disconnected atomic people (unhealthy), dominating values and rules of play are crap. Try living for a while in Spain, France, Austria, Ireland, Scandinavia, Japan, China to feel the difference. But that's more true for guys because of crisis of masculinity in the country (and in other countries close to its orbit). I bet America feels better on general if you're a woman or homosexual.
 

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You're growing up, and you're in school. I can tell you from experience (as I'm 16) that this is going to cause huge amounts of angst and anxiety like this, and it is COMPLETELY normal. Don't worry one bit about whether or not this is how you will spend the rest of your life, because you will develop so quickly in the next few years, change so much, and become so much more brilliantly intelligent and thoughtful that you will be a completely different person, with completely different wants, needs and troubles. The most important thing to realise here is that this tidal wave of confusing emotions, conflicting feelings and screwed up things that you can barely put into words is entirely normal for a teenager, especially an INFP.

School is going to make it difficult for you to be as happy as you once were, and so are your hormones, but it does fade away eventually. My advice would be to just make peace with who you are. Try not to worry, try not to obsess about yourself or your life, and just try to enjoy your free time. Whether that means being reclusive and not meeting up with friends, whether it means being a social animal, whether it means becoming a stamp collecting fanatic, I don't care. If it makes you happy, do it. Don't try to be the person the social extrovert society is forcing you to be, don't concern yourself with how happy the people around you are, and just lay back, relax, and let life take it's course. The next few years of your life are going to be emotionally tough, but you will make it through sure enough, and if you focus on just being the person you want to be and doing the things you want to do, then you will come out of these difficult years feeling better as a result.

I hope that rambling response helps.
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
hahah, i actually live in canada, and it's not too bad, but i do understand what you're saying and i've totally thought of that before.
i always used to say things like: i want to move somewhere where there's a different pace of life and people have different priorities... nobody's in a rush and people enjoy food and sex and life instead of rushing through everything and focusing on deadlines and work and money, having absolutely no time left to be happy. I dunno man, i don't get our society at all, i really don't.

anyway. :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
^^ i'm 25 years old!!!

My highschool was a nightmare and a dream come true. I had horrible things happen to me but I always managed to still get out and have fun with friends and fall in love and all that stuff. I sure went through a lot, but right now at this phase of my life i'm not talking about "regular" teenage emotional turmoil, I mean i'm pretty much having a quarter-life crisis here. You raise some good points though!
 

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I spent most of younger years feeling like you and ended up desperately escaping to live in third world
and other less-industrialised nations. It was the only thing that saved my sanity - but of course that's not the answer
for everyone and some might see it as running away.

I now watch my 28 year old enfp daughter and 26 year old isfp daughter going through what you're going through,
so I totally feel for you. They are heavy fi users, so maybe it's an introverted feeling thing.

For me personally, it has gotten much easier with age and these days I don't bother looking for happiness so much
as having a quiet contentment that seems to go beyong the pleasure/pain thing of fleeting happiness.

Anyway, it's a huge challenge, but take heart there is a way out.
 

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Your post made me think. I was trying to remember the last time I've felt happy and it seems like so long ago. I mean, I have experienced the fleeting happiness but it just doesn't last. I think it's because I focus on the negative more than the positive. Like, when I'm happy about something, I start over-analyzing again, trying to find the negative aspect of it or I just find something else to be unhappy about. Negative thought spirals.

Ehh... this is not very helpful I guess :(
 

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ugh, this post could've been written by me.
This has been my life since middle school (I'm 24 now) and it kind of feels like instead of getting better I've gotten worse lol.
The only reassurance I have is that my mom told me she was like this too and it gets better as you get older.
I'm hoping that's the case for all of us. Hold on, it looks like there's some relief in the future.
 

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Stop looking for happiness. Accept yourself the way you are (And who you are is not constant sunshine-butterflies-rainbows. It's okay to be unhappy for no reason) and practice becoming more objective and dwelling less in your feelings, as feelings are a rabbit hole that it's easy to lose yourself in. Remember that feelings are not an expression of who you are, but are instead inconstant and ever-changing. Go read, or reread information about Enneagram 4. Practice being objective. I think personalitypage.com refers to objectivity as using your Extraverted iNtuition more prominently.
 

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for me it's more about getting out of your own way and just letting yourself be happy regardless of your circumstances. when i get stressed out i try to close my eyes, clear my thoughts, and let myself realize again how beautiful life is--even the depressing moments!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Kyliecarefree, that stuff about enneagram type four was really resonating with me... but it doesn't really... say how to help yourself. :(

I just don't know what to do. Everywhere I look seems to be like "yes, your type is incredibly sad" and then doesn't really... say how to help this.

You say to think more objectively might help... okay well (and i'm not trying to be rude, i'm just genuinely trying to understand) what would be an example of looking at something objectively in a way that might help?
 

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Kyliecarefree, that stuff about enneagram type four was really resonating with me... but it doesn't really... say how to help yourself. :(

I just don't know what to do. Everywhere I look seems to be like "yes, your type is incredibly sad" and then doesn't really... say how to help this.

You say to think more objectively might help... okay well (and i'm not trying to be rude, i'm just genuinely trying to understand) what would be an example of looking at something objectively in a way that might help?
There are simple tricks for getting more emotional stability - physical exercise, meditation, a healthy diet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
^I actually tried that last year, i went through a super healthy phase for like 6 or 7 months. In the end it kindof left me feeling a little weird. the exercise was the biggest thing that helped, but i ended up feeling strange. i still was who i was and i felt exhausted like i was trying too hard.

i dunno i guess i'm just not meant to be happy. COOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
i guess i just feel angry that i'm just naturally this way? like i don't even want to be unique or creative or like any of these "good parts" of being who i am, i would actually trade it all in just to be a mindless happy person. that's something i never thought i'd say and i'm not usually this dramatic but i really feel like that the past couple of years.

i know, this is the worst thread ever.
 
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