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There. I said it. And God does it feel good to actually verbalize this fact.

I'm just going through such massive disillusionment right now and am horrified at the fact I was so thoroughly duped for years. Is this how people getting out of cults feel?


Anyway, it feels good to start addressing his abuse: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional.
Though I'm not completely prepared to pick the experience apart, I see a therapist on Wednesday.

Bleh :/ Any words of wisdom, shared experiences.... Anything would be appreciated. I'm hoping to channel this pain into making me a better person, though currently? It's hard to believe I'll able to be able to trust again but deep down I know I'll be so very happy someday. It'll take me by surprise and happen sooner than I'd ever expect. I just need to focus on becoming the person I was before the crazy-making, before the gaslighting started, before I was second guessing my every perception.

I'm ready :)


And I genuinely love you all.
 

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Sorry for your experiences. Is this your first session with a therapist now?
 

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wow. i want to say he's an asshole--and he is, in the way that he just snuck it around you--but he's obviously a pretty fucked up person and has issues of his own.

i'd just keep in mind though: that his issues are his, his choices are his, and neither really ever have to do with the person (you) they were thrown against, but in fact have everything to do with the one throwing them.


if you tend to have the habit of dating people who do fucked up things like this--especially the continued abuse... i would try to see what it is that you're actually attracted to in these people, what it is that makes submitting (in so many words) to them a pleasant experience. (i mean, no one is really worth that, ever)
 

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Sorry to hear that happened to you. Wish you the best of luck working through it.

If your attitude is at all testament to how it'll go, then I know you'll manage just fine in the long-run. :happy:
 

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Off the top of my head: Get tested ASAP.
 
Or maybe it's better in two weeks? IDK, just get tested
 

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There. I said it. And God does it feel good to actually verbalize this fact.

I'm just going through such massive disillusionment right now and am horrified at the fact I was so thoroughly duped for years. Is this how people getting out of cults feel?


Anyway, it feels good to start addressing his abuse: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional.
Though I'm not completely prepared to pick the experience apart, I see a therapist on Wednesday.

Bleh :/ Any words of wisdom, shared experiences.... Anything would be appreciated. I'm hoping to channel this pain into making me a better person, though currently? It's hard to believe I'll able to be able to trust again but deep down I know I'll be so very happy someday. It'll take me by surprise and happen sooner than I'd ever expect. I just need to focus on becoming the person I was before the crazy-making, before the gaslighting started, before I was second guessing my every perception.

I'm ready :)


And I genuinely love you all.
Yick. At him, not you.

You probably wouldn't like a male hug right now, especially not a spiky armoured INTJ, so here's a coupon renewable for one (1)
token of esteem, redeemable any time up until 1 year from now, or you don't need it any longer, which ever comes first.
 

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Oh man, this happened to my sister about a year ago. Found out her ex had been sleeping with prostitutes. She was extremely upset, and I couldn't blame her. She dealt with it well though. She moved on. Got a new boyfriend, who is a great guy. She was able to trust again. That's what matters. You can't let these selfish jerks stop you from trusting people in the future. They aren't worth that. They aren't indicative of the general population, they are just the few weasels who manage to skulk around undetected amongst the decent folk.

You're a strong person, you will be okay. And I know you know that, but sometimes it's just nice to hear. Best of luck, and don't give him another thought. He's not worth it.
 

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Aw, sorry you had to go through that! What a jerk. Well, not your problem anymore. You seem to be taking this really well, getting help right away and realizing that you could do better and deserve better than what he did to you. That's really amazing. It takes a lot of strength to gather up the energy to change your situation and believe in yourself.

Best of luck. Let us know how the therapy goes! :)
 

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I've been in the fog before, it's awful. All I can say is.....

One day, not far from now, you will wake up with a clear head and bags of determination to not let this define you, but to educate you. And because of this experience, you need not fall into the same pattern again.

My thoughts and good intentions go with you as you come through this. And come through it, stronger and better, you will.
 

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It's pretty amazing what you put up with in a relationship and then once the blinders come off you feel a little laid bare for being so accepting/naive of the bullshit that was happening right before your eyes.

I've done that too.

It helps to keep some sort of diary or log. Writing is cathartic and keeping track of events helps you avoid people crazy making/gaslighting sooner.

Hang in there.
 

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There. I said it. And God does it feel good to actually verbalize this fact.

I'm just going through such massive disillusionment right now and am horrified at the fact I was so thoroughly duped for years. Is this how people getting out of cults feel?


Anyway, it feels good to start addressing his abuse: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional.
Though I'm not completely prepared to pick the experience apart, I see a therapist on Wednesday.

Bleh :/ Any words of wisdom, shared experiences.... Anything would be appreciated. I'm hoping to channel this pain into making me a better person, though currently? It's hard to believe I'll able to be able to trust again but deep down I know I'll be so very happy someday. It'll take me by surprise and happen sooner than I'd ever expect. I just need to focus on becoming the person I was before the crazy-making, before the gaslighting started, before I was second guessing my every perception.

I'm ready :)


And I genuinely love you all.
I find your attitude really inspiring.

Your situation shows me you have the capacity to trust and love deeply, and it's unfortunate that you were taken advantage of for that. But it's certainly more than he can say for himself.

I am really sorry this has happened to you, but your pro-active attitude is awesome. I have no doubt that you'll not only be able to get back to the person you once were, but actually become wiser and more confident as you see how your strengths shine despite this obstacle. But I am still very sorry for this...glad you shared it though.

I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship several years ago and felt like I had to find myself again too. And I still am. But you sound like you're on a great path, and you know the first steps of where you need to go and what you need to do.
 

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i'm so sorry you've had to go through this. as far as the abuse - i was similarly abused by my first boyfriend for two years. over the course of that relationship, in order to "survive" and make myself less vulnerable to his abuse, i'd pretty much thrown out my entire identity and dissociated myself from my emotions. i had to build myself into a new person from the ground up when i got out of that one. i don't know if you've had to do the same, but if so, i promise that this will all become easier. you will trust again. the experience of being in this relationship will likely take its toll and affect future relationships and even friendships, but you can work through it. you sound incredibly wise and resilient, so you already have everything you need!

again, i'm so sorry for your pain. i'm glad the worst is over, at least. this day marks a new chapter in your life! i hope your recovery goes as smoothly as possible, and i wish you the best of luck. i believe in you <3
 

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Off the top of my head: Get tested ASAP.
 
Or maybe it's better in two weeks? IDK, just get tested
My first thought this. My second was wondering whether you'd now return to law after years of being a housewife and become a kickass lawyer who eventually starts her own firm and runs for state's attorney.

BUT! Neither of those thoughts mean I can't imagine how much this cuts. Probably one of the most brutal ways someone can piss on your trust. Give yourself the time to feel this and hurt. Don't bottle it up or let it define you.
 

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There. I said it. And God does it feel good to actually verbalize this fact.

I'm just going through such massive disillusionment right now and am horrified at the fact I was so thoroughly duped for years. Is this how people getting out of cults feel?


Anyway, it feels good to start addressing his abuse: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional.
Though I'm not completely prepared to pick the experience apart, I see a therapist on Wednesday.

Bleh :/ Any words of wisdom, shared experiences.... Anything would be appreciated. I'm hoping to channel this pain into making me a better person, though currently? It's hard to believe I'll able to be able to trust again but deep down I know I'll be so very happy someday. It'll take me by surprise and happen sooner than I'd ever expect. I just need to focus on becoming the person I was before the crazy-making, before the gaslighting started, before I was second guessing my every perception.

I'm ready :)


And I genuinely love you all.
Damn, sorry about that Fern :(. We'll all pull for you. The fact that you're seeing a therapist for all of this BS makes me feel confident you'll get through this. In the meantime we'll all be here.
 
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