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I don't maintain a diary or something, so I'll just vent here, on a new topic because I can (want to?)

There was a thread which said "Will I ever fall in love?" but really, in my case it is, "Will I ever believe someone really is in love with me?" Cynic level over 9000.

I have been having so much fun with an ENFP lately and both of us confessed we like each other (or is it love?) It was so nice initially but now I keep wondering if she would like me later on. I feel clingy emotionally which really annoys me. I haven't been like this, ever. It results in me being feeling so detached from everything and everyone that I rather just push them away and keep it to small-time flirting.

I asked her yesterday if she'd ever "fall out of love." and she cried, and I felt so strange right then. I know her for a month's time and it's been so intense. Have anyone of you watched "Before Sunrise"? It's just like that. I know she likes me a lot, but I think she wouldn't, the next day. She has had a million guys ask her out and tell her that they like her but she chose me. What makes me stand out? She says she loves how different I am but isn't everyone 'different' anyway?

Gee, never mind. I just needed to put this out there, somewhere amidst people I don't know in real life.
 

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I aint mr experience in this domain, and this is hypocritical coming from me, but try not to test her affections for you too much. You’ll end up pushing her away.
Just try to enjoy the time you spend together, if the compatibility is there you’ll naturally build confidence in, and positive feelings for, one another. Don’t look for things that only really come with time, any sort of early “love” will more than likely be infatuation.

Easy to dish out generic advice when you’re not the one concerned, though.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I aint mr experience in this domain, and this is hypocritical coming from me, but try not to test her affections for you too much. You’ll end up pushing her away.
Just try to enjoy the time you spend together, if the compatibility is there you’ll naturally build confidence in, and positive feelings for, one another. Don’t look for things that only really come with time, any sort of early “love” will more than likely be infatuation.

Easy to dish out generic advice when you’re not the one concerned, though.
You're right. Even the "easier said than done" part.
 

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And every time, I date someone, I think "Aw, she is the best. I HAVEN'T MET ANYONE LIKE HER!" but the truth is, it's so different this time.

I think in the past, I was probably just used to the other person and vice versa. It was more emotional than anything but this is so much more intense and above emotions. I love that but it also makes me think, "Too Good To Be True."

I need a fucking drink and I don't even like alcohol.
 

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I don't maintain a diary or something, so I'll just vent here, on a new topic because I can (want to?)

There was a thread which said "Will I ever fall in love?" but really, in my case it is, "Will I ever believe someone really is in love with me?" Cynic level over 9000.

I have been having so much fun with an ENFP lately and both of us confessed we like each other (or is it love?) It was so nice initially but now I keep wondering if she would like me later on. I feel clingy emotionally which really annoys me. I haven't been like this, ever. It results in me being feeling so detached from everything and everyone that I rather just push them away and keep it to small-time flirting.

I asked her yesterday if she'd ever "fall out of love." and she cried, and I felt so strange right then. I know her for a month's time and it's been so intense. Have anyone of you watched "Before Sunrise"? It's just like that. I know she likes me a lot, but I think she wouldn't, the next day. She has had a million guys ask her out and tell her that they like her but she chose me. What makes me stand out? She says she loves how different I am but isn't everyone 'different' anyway?

Gee, never mind. I just needed to put this out there, somewhere amidst people I don't know in real life.
Yes that is a typical question I ask myself when I've found a woman where there is strong mutual attraction. Why me? She's so pretty, she has a great personality, she could easily have anyone. etc. It's easy to assume that women just want the sexiest, hottest, most manly guy.

But then ask yourself why her? There must be some reason you like her, and there are a ton of other girls that just won't do, no matter what positive traits they possess.

And the answer is in what she told you.. you're different. That's what I hear from women too. You can't see what she sees in you, just like she can't see what you see in her, she may feel insecure too. And there is often a sense that she may move on tommorrow. But everytime I've felt that way, it was ultimately me who wrecked things, not her.

So if you like her, don't let your fears and insecurities get in the way, lock them away and just experience it.
 

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And every time, I date someone, I think "Aw, she is the best. I HAVEN'T MET ANYONE LIKE HER!" but the truth is, it's so different this time.

I think in the past, I was probably just used to the other person and vice versa. It was more emotional than anything but this is so much more intense and above emotions. I love that but it also makes me think, "Too Good To Be True."

I need a fucking drink and I don't even like alcohol.
Maybe it is. I feel the stongest bond with other Ne users too
 

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Sadly, I know this feeling pretty well. As has been previously stated, unfortunately, this is something that there is no safe way to test. You just have to trust and hope her feelings are genuine. As an INTP, we may never fall headfirst into love, but we would prefer if the other party had feelings we knew about. That is why I think an INTP/INTP relationship would be difficult. Neither one would want to show anything and they both would be wondering what the other thought/felt the entire time.
 

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I say ride it out until she decides to discard you(worst case scenario). I tend to think it would be hard for someone with a complete emotional capacity to love an INTP like myself for an extended duration. Who knows though maybe your different qualities will infatuate her for life.
 

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I say ride it out until she decides to discard you(worst case scenario). I tend to think it would be hard for someone with a complete emotional capacity to love an INTP like myself for an extended duration. Who knows though maybe your different qualities will infatuate her for life.
I share your doubts.
 

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This is going to seem like a total non sequitur, but bear with me. It should (fingers crossed!) eventually make sense.

Back quite a number of years, I was an Au Pair in a small dorf in Germany. I took care of a charming, feisty, head-strong blond-haired and blue-eyed little girl who was seven years old. Her parents were somewhat self-centered and self-indulgent. The mother was heavily pregnant at the time. They owned a very nice home in this tiny and remote town. The mother was prone to emotional outbursts. (Example: one time she was trying to help her daughter with a schoolwork assignment. She ended up flinging the book to the ground and imperiously calling me in to the room. Then she said, "YOU try to help her! I cannot!" The she stomped off. The little girl's eyes filled with tears, but she didn't cry. She let me try to help her with the assignment.)

Anyway, I grew close to the little girl. (I was not at all close to her parents.) One day I was completely startled by the little girl when she looked up into my eyes and said, "You are so pretty and nice, and you can draw and sing and make up stories. I have to kill you."

My point isn't really that different than what others have already said, I suppose. Love is always a risk. It's scary. Even that seven-year old girl knew that instinctively. The person may decide to leave and it will hurt. You will survive that, though. You will grow and learn. Love is worth the risk.

Sadly, I had to leave the Au Pair position a month earlier than planned. The mother wanted me to run the household by myself while she was in the hospital for several weeks recovering from a second cesarean operation. The husband was a useless dolt. I was a young idiot struggling with a foreign language and culture and had no experience running a household. I gave my notice and left after my second month. The parents were terribly put out. Eh. The only regret I had was leaving the little girl like that. I still regret that.

Love is a risk, but, it shapes and forms who we are. Every bit of it.
 

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I actually DO have a diary, and I analysed what the girl I'm currently interested in would like about me.
Individually they weren't things she couldn't find in anyone else. But everything together would be (a portion of) the definition of me, and only me. Then I did the same thing vice versa and found that with those traits, she's the only that comes to mind.

Yes, we're all different. But we're all different in our own way :).

And that's as far as my secure thoughts went.
Then I started to analyse my feelings towards her and tell myself I first have to genuinely >feel< something for her before I make a move. At the same time I'm wondering whether all that analysis actually stops me from genuinely feeling anything and I should just dive in. But then I'm afraid it'll turn out I did >not< genuinely feel anything for her, making her end up in a relationship where the bf doesn't feel anything for the gf; that's not something I would like to do to her.
But I'm sorry, I was going off-topic.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks, guys.

@NeedsNewNameNow and @See Above What you said make a lot of sense, and I did talk to her about it. It turned out well and we cleared things up. I feel much more comfortable now. Thanks once again!
 

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It was so nice initially but now I keep wondering if she would like me later on. I feel clingy emotionally which really annoys me. I haven't been like this, ever. It results in me being feeling so detached from everything and everyone that I rather just push them away and keep it to small-time flirting.

... I know she likes me a lot, but I think she wouldn't, the next day. She has had a million guys ask her out and tell her that they like her but she chose me. What makes me stand out? She says she loves how different I am but isn't everyone 'different' anyway?
You should stop trying to questions the emotions involved here. Just be appreciative of the fact that you are lucky enough to even have someone care for you this much, whether it's short lived or long term.

And why question her decision in choosing you? Yes, everyone is different in their own way, but she doesn't like just anyone else's differentness, she likes your differentness.

don't let your fears and insecurities get in the way, lock them away and just experience it.
And there is the answer to life ladies and gentlemen.
 

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All I can say is, don't worry about it not lasting. Just enjoy your time with her, however long it turns out to be. Hoping for the best is all you can really do now anyway. There's no point in walking away from her or pushing her away because you're afraid it won't work out.

And don't overthink it either.... just let it happen. It's a pretty hard thing to do but...yea.
If she's feeling something different, I'm sure she'll let you know. But for now, just follow her lead in the emotions department and go 'all in'.
 
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