Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 61 Posts

·
黐線 ~Chiseen~
Joined
·
5,241 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I've always questioned the why society established and encourages the so-called 'norm' of tall guy, short girl image for relationships.

This leaves many tall women and short guys feeling all sorts of awkward approaching the opposing sex (if at all).

Same applies for skinny guy meeting curvy/plus-size women and vice versa tubby guy meets skinny women.

On top of that, insecurity also plays a blind bat in the psyche of people. questions like:

- what does he/she think of me?
- do i come off as aggressive/passive?
- what are they thinking?
- is it me?

basically, any question in a normal encounter between the 'normal' couple will meet an amplification in pressure to the 'odd' couple.

Once that 'comfort' bridge is crossed, then things will become okay, but this happens not a lot. If it always happened with a high percentage of success, there wouldn't be such a thread as this.

So where am I attempting to sway this thread? I'm not sure. I'll leave this open ended.

'Odd' couples needs more love and assurance that everything will work out as long as there's a common understanding with each other, and the acceptance of not having to dive into peer pressure and peer created uncertainty. In the end, the bond is between the couple. Neither is entering the relationship to each others' friends/families/relatives.... well, they are in a sense, but you get what i mean...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
761 Posts
I don't really get why the man has to be taller than the woman. If they are the same height, the man is able to 'reach' the woman easily, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,076 Posts
The why is most likely because it fits the other stereotypes of women needing to be passive, submissive, etc. and men needing to be the big, strong protectors. Having looks that are held up as desirable in the media, etc. help in the short term if you're looking for a quick something at a bar or whatever, but that's about it, they don't automatically mean you're going to find someone you're happy with. No one is going to stay with someone with an unpleasant personality even if they're Helen of Troy or her male equivalent. So will it take more time for one half of an 'odd' couple to find find 'someone'? maybe, but not 'the someone' - and at least you'll know that whoever you're getting involved with is in it for you, and insecurities shouldn't get the best of anyone because that makes them not only 'odd' but unhappy and difficult to get to know. I had a thing with someone who was my height (~5'6) and stocky because we clicked really well and he was just smart and confident and charming and nice.

- what does he/she think of me?
- do i come off as aggressive/passive?
- what are they thinking?
- is it me?
Everyone has these questions, even conventionally attractive people. The thing to do it just not to care and be just a good, confident you, because that's the only way anything's going to work anyway. If someone doesn't like you, then great, you know you're not compatible because you can't cover yourself up for the rest of your life. And if you're in a relationship with someone who treats you well, and you're genuinely happy being with them, then to the people giving you crap about your looks, their looks, whatever, I would just suggest playing out something like this reaction in your head
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,262 Posts
"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do." - Olin Miller

Fwiw, I adore tall women :).
 

·
黐線 ~Chiseen~
Joined
·
5,241 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I don't really get why the man has to be taller than the woman. If they are the same height, the man is able to 'reach' the woman easily, lol.
If they are the same height, this won't be true much when the woman keeps shopping for high heels for formal events. =P

Not a deal-breaker, but some men are insecure about being teased as such... on a few love it and don't give a fuck. Plus I do believe it makes the girl feel more beautiful, positive and secure about herself (if that's even worth a positive argument).... meh... what do I know about a woman's mind. damn you, established social norms.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
369 Posts
I'm in a relationship where my gf is considerably taller than me (around 4 inches / 10cm). At the beginning it felt a little strange because it requires the male to be self-confident enough to be "the protector" even when he is smaller.
We did notice a lot of social norms at the beginning, but after a while you just go "meh. whatever they say. I'm happy with her :)".
It does get unpractical if she's wearing high heels however, but I guess that doesn't have to do much with society :p.

I have the general feeling that tall woman require am above-average self-confident man. I have observed that many men become insecure around taller woman (not just 2cm that is). Reason seems obvious (Dominance <-> ego <-> self-confidence that sort of thing).
Weight is something different I think. A little character comes into play. Have a theory on that. Too lazy to elaborate though *g :).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,180 Posts
I have the general feeling that tall woman require am above-average self-confident man. I have observed that many men become insecure around taller woman (not just 2cm that is). Reason seems obvious (Dominance <-> ego <-> self-confidence that sort of thing).
This has been my experience. Even when I'm dating men who are taller than me, I've found all but the most secure of them to be quite self-conscious about my height (I'm 5'10"). Especially on the rare occasion that I wear heels!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,688 Posts
Gah, I used to tease a guy friend of mine about his height all the time. He was fifteen but he looked like a twelve-year old. He wasn't too concerned lol. And he got taller.

Stereotypes. They should be court martialled and hung. Tall/short, fat/thin, race... whatever. Love who you love...
 

·
&#40656;&#32218; ~Chiseen~
Joined
·
5,241 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I don't think this has anything to do with what "society" says. I think it is clearly a matter of evolution.

How does a matter of evolution fall into relationships? people are able to pair up by free-will... it's not like they're forced to join just because they're male/female like natural law of magnets. Please elaborate.
 
Joined
·
2,427 Posts
How does a matter of evolution fall into relationships? people are able to pair up by free-will... it's not like they're forced to join just because they're male/female like natural law of magnets. Please elaborate.
It is all a matter of evolution. Every species has two goals, to survive and reproduce. And by extension, we want our offspring to survive and reproduce. Nearly everything we do is for those two reasons. Hence why we search out mates that will help us with those goals.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,076 Posts
He's saying in the past and in order to survive, females were better off pairing with the strong, big protector males because there were predators, fighting based on physical strength, etc. So, we may be programmed to be attracted to them. But those things aren't really factors anymore, so there aren't any huge consequences to not choosing a macho guy.
 
Joined
·
2,427 Posts
He's saying in the past and in order to survive, females were better off pairing with the strong, big protector males because there were predators, fighting based on physical strength, etc. So, we may be programmed to be attracted to them. But those things aren't really factors anymore, so there aren't any huge consequences to not choosing a macho guy.
No, that's not what I was saying at all. :tongue: For some reason, people think we are somehow "above" evolution. Like every other species on the planet is still evolving, except us, because we are above it. No, we are still very much evolving. Not only that, our preferences are hardwired into us and virtually impossible to overcome. Do you think that it is a coincidence that attractive girls have more options than unattractive ones? That rich guys get more dates than homeless guys? Or for the sake of this thread, that nearly every couple you've ever seen over the course of your entire life consisted of a man who was taller than the woman?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,688 Posts
For the record, I'd like to be able to put my head against his chest WHILE we were both standing.

Nothing against short guys.
 
  • Like
Reactions: qingdom

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,076 Posts
No, that's not what I was saying at all. :tongue: For some reason, people think we are somehow "above" evolution. Like every other species on the planet is still evolving, except us, because we are above it. No, we are still very much evolving. Not only that, our preferences are hardwired into us and virtually impossible to overcome. Do you think that it is a coincidence that attractive girls have more options than unattractive ones? That rich guys get more dates than homeless guys? Or for the sake of this thread, that nearly every couple you've ever seen over the course of your entire life consisted of a man who was taller than the woman?
Hah, yeah, I get that. I'm not saying those things don't matter, but they're all linked up into what we believe will allow us and our children to survive/live better, and in the past that meant being with a bigger guy and maybe we can't get over that - but the consequences aren't quite as dire as they used to be regarding height. And short men can compensate in other ways that may not have been available before. Apologies for misinterpreting, I wasn't sure how broad or specific you were going with that statement, but they are related.
 
Joined
·
2,427 Posts
Hah, yeah, I get that. I'm not saying those things don't matter, but they're all linked up into what we believe will allow us and our children to survive/live better, and in the past that meant being with a bigger guy and maybe we can't get over that - but the consequences aren't quite as dire as they used to be regarding height. Apologies for misinterpreting, I wasn't sure how broad or specific you were going with that statement, but they are related.
Not a problem, I forgive you! :cool:

But it isn't just big muscular guys. We all have different evolutionary strategies, some of which are maladaptive and can result in very bad choices. But most of them are suitable. Some women are attracted to really rich guys, some to big strong dumb brutes, some to really smart guys, etc. Likewise, guys have their own preferences. But there are a few things that remain fairly consistent though, such as physical attractiveness in women and height in men. Likewise, the strategies, while different, are all fairly common. When a woman says "Brad Pitt is hot, I wanna fuck him!" it isn't a surprise. If she said "You see that amputee homeless guy in a wheelchair over there? He is hot, I wanna fuck him!" that would cause a lot of "WTF Faces." :laughing:
 

·
&#40656;&#32218; ~Chiseen~
Joined
·
5,241 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
For the record, I'd like to be able to put my head against his chest WHILE we were both standing.

Nothing against short guys.
Is that based on preference, desire, security, entitlement, or ______?

Would you have anything against short guys who try and put forth effort and creativity? or even perhaps short guys wearing stilts or stand on a stool just to satisfying albeit temporarily that vision/want/desire?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,835 Posts
I'm a pretty tall guy, I'm a big fan of tall girls, It would be fucking hot to have a girl taller than me
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,688 Posts
Is that based on preference, desire, security, entitlement, or ______?

Would you have anything against short guys who try and put forth effort and creativity? or even perhaps short guys wearing stilts or stand on a stool just to satisfying albeit temporarily that vision/want/desire?
Based on desire. lol haha it doesn't matter so much to me that I would want/need my guy to try to be taller
 
1 - 20 of 61 Posts
Top