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Hello PC members,

I am a separated, soon to be divorced 39yo father of two from the PNW.
I had been married for about 10 years but it had always been rocky with quite a few incompatibility issues as far as priorities and needs. Finally fed up with the way things were going I demanded we both go to marriage counseling and after being pretty firm was able to DRAG my soon to be ex with me. The counselor had us attend our first session together, go over our issues, then we each had several individual sessions and also took the 16personalities test and love languages test. The results....a complete shocker in how eerily accurate the personality types were and how they highlighted our major points of conflict. Me, an INFJ(the "I" by only 2%) with Touch, Quality Time, and words of affirmation all scoring high, gifts and acts of service both way down at the bottom. Her, an INTP, with Gifts and Acts of Service as her top needs. To top it off, the counselor took me aside after our last together session and told me he suspected that she had high-functioning BPD. When I looked up the symptoms of BPD, it was like a checklist of the last 13 years of my life along with the compatibility issues of someone like me with an INTP. I won't go into other findings, but needless to say I found enough to know It was time to move on, and I moved out. Fast forward 2 years to today. She has changed jobs/addresses 3 times which has repeatedly screwed up the divorce proceedings but it looks like we're finally on the home stretch. I'm in good shape emotionally and financially, have been dating(mostly online) and meeting a few women. The hard part is unfortunately defined right in the INFJ description, I get stamped "too needy", or "too nice"(must be a narcissistic *** underneath, they must think), or simply don't click with most of the women. Of the TWO where we have really felt a good connection, sure enough, an INFJ and ENFJ. It's been amazing to learn about all this and see the results, but it's also been taxing due to the fact I know I've really got my work cut out for me in finding "the one" due to compatible types being such a minority as well as my age group. My area is primarily a college and retirement town. I feel stupid that I let so much time go by before I discovered this, wish they taught us about personality types in high school!
 

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Welcome to the forum! I've read your story. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. Thank you for sharing! :)
 
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