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Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone! I want to share a brief background knowledge about my relationship between these two girls in order to help your understanding. I'm going to post this in other personality categories to help narrow the best decision and to understand what others think about my situation.

Lets get started :laughing:! Every Saturday I attend this program at a church (nothing religious) and have been in contact with an ISFJ girl for around 3 years now. The relationship between us is on and off, because early on when we first met (when we were much younger), she liked me but I didn't feel the same way. However, after a little less than a year of knowing her, I started to get attracted to her and we began to feel the same way. However, I wasn't sure if I was ready to make that commitment so I didn't make a move. Not long after, I went off for summer vacation and we weren't in contact for a good month or so and when I got back, I got intel from her cousins that she had a boyfriend. I was really shocked and confused because I knew she felt the same way. Later on, I found out that I made her wait too long so she moved on to somebody else.

I was still slightly attracted to her for the rest of the few years we're friends, but earlier this year I met an INFJ. We met in person and constantly texted or messaged each other after that and I really enjoyed our conversations. I began to drop my connection towards the ISFJ as my interest in the INFJ increased. We have similar interests and she understands where I go with things, but I don't know if these interests can escalate into something more. We met in person a few more times and I don't know if I feel as compatible with her than the ISFJ.

My problem here now is I can't decide between the two.. The INFJ is a great girl! I can be open about my feeling towards her and she totally understands and shares what she thinks as well, where as the ISFJ makes me figure out what she wants. I feel like she's playing mind games with me and not allowing me to know what's going on inside her head. When in person, she talks and shares what is going on with her life, but when I text her or message her, I feel as if she doesn't put effort into it. This is vice versa for the INFJ. We have great conversations through text, but when we're in person it's not as interesting and such. To conclude, the INFJ is more loyal and humble and a great personality overall, while the ISFJ can be more playful and charming and has more physical attraction. However, I don't feel as safe if I chose the ISFJ because she has had a few boyfriends within the years I've known her.

Advice/suggestions? Sorry if I confused anyone... there's more details I could have added but I didn't want this to be too long and boring for anyone.
 

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In my judgmental opinion, if you don't know which one you want, than you don't love either one enough to date.
 

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you said the ISFJ has a boyfriend, so i'm not really seeing where the choice is, here...there is really only one (single/available) option. but that's my ethics speaking.

were you thinking you'd try to break up the ISFJ from her boyfriend, or that you'd want to get her to cheat on him...?

your ethics are your own business, so i'll just discuss how workable or practical it all is.

both ISFJs and INFJs tend to take their relationships seriously and be very loyal, so if you try to have an affair with the ISFJ while she's in a relationship, you'll likely not only gain her disrespect but probably also that of the INFJ as well. as an INFJ woman, it's a turnoff if i see that a guy is a cheater, a player, or doesn't take relationships seriously...and i wouldn't consider a relationship with a guy who wasn't as serious about it as i was. are you looking for a serious relationship? in most cases that's what you would be getting into, if you date an INFJ or ISFJ.

i also can't see an ISFJ wanting to hurt her boyfriend - ISFJs are so sweet and kindhearted that i imagine that initiating a breakup would be a very difficult thing for them to do...she's highly unlikely to just drop him like a hot pan and impulsively run off with you. when rejection would be painful for their SO, and change would be traumatic for them, some ISFJs would be more likely to stay in a relationship even if they aren't completely happy. more than likely you wouldn't find it easy to tear her away.

edit: just saw @Khys ' post...that's true. your indecision isn't likely to change after you choose one, if neither one has stolen your heart away from everyone else. it doesn't make sense to commit yourself before your heart is committed.
 

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you told us she has a boyfriend, thats why.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Uhhh, sorry for wasting your time making that post but I would like to inform you that you've misread my information (or it wasn't clear enough). I've known the ISFJ over a 3 year span and she had a boyfriend around one and half through two years I've known her. I met the INFJ just a few months ago, but earlier this year I was still slightly attracted to the ISFJ until I met the INFJ.
 

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Imagine living without ISFJ. How does it feel?
Imagine living without INFJ. How does that feel?

You should have your answer by now. Hopefully ;)
 
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Uhhh, sorry for wasting your time making that post but I would like to inform you that you've misread my information (or it wasn't clear enough). I've known the ISFJ over a 3 year span and she had a boyfriend around one and half through two years I've known her. I met the INFJ just a few months ago, but earlier this year I was still slightly attracted to the ISFJ until I met the INFJ.
I apologize for asking but your clarification didn't really help.... are you trying to say she had a boyfriend in the time period where you knew her but she no longer has one now? Or does she have a boyfriend now but you're saying that you've known her longer?
 

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Unless you want to soley communicate via text with your SO...

You gotta be comfortable with them.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I apologize for asking but your clarification didn't really help.... are you trying to say she had a boyfriend in the time period where you knew her but she no longer has one now? Or does she have a boyfriend now but you're saying that you've known her longer?
The bolded. Sorry for my lack of clarity.
 

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@Dilldough unless you can be in a committed exclusive relationship long term with the ISFJ, dont get involved with her. If you did decide at some point that you want to be with the INFJ (or anyone else) instead it would be very painful to the ISFJ.
 
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Discussion Starter #15
@Dilldough unless you can be in a committed exclusive relationship long term with the ISFJ, dont get involved with her. If you did decide at some point that you want to be with the INFJ (or anyone else) instead it would be very painful to the ISFJ.
Well I sort of just got into a text-fight with the ISFJ because of how she always messes with my head by replying with one words and having unclear messages and I told her she just lost a friend. I was serious and deleted her on facebook too. What do you think will happen now? I'm already constantly thinking about my action so I don't know what might be going through her mind. And before you guys draw conclusions of how immature that move was I honestly think it's for the best.
 

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Well I sort of just got into a text-fight with the ISFJ because of how she always messes with my head by replying with one words and having unclear messages and I told her she just lost a friend. I was serious and deleted her on facebook too. What do you think will happen now? I'm already constantly thinking about my action so I don't know what might be going through her mind. And before you guys draw conclusions of how immature that move was I honestly think it's for the best.
honestly? i think you will wait it out approx 2 days and then contact her and apologize. I think she will be sad and wallow in it but also think that you are mean and a little unpredictable. She may question being in contact with you anymore.
 
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