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Discussion Starter #1
Hi!!

I am really trying to figure out my relationship's issues. Of course as the ENFP that I am I have completely broken it down. My bf tested as an ENFJ but I truly don't know if this is accurate or not. After I read the description, I just don't see where he fits. The only true thing I see is "The Giver" yes, he will do ANYTHING for anyone.

Can I start this out by asking what traits ENFJ's have in a relationship?

How do ENFJ's interact w/ ENFP's?

His Characteristics: (You can tell me if he is ENFJ)

Wonderful, Good Person- Again will do anything for anyone

Social in those circumstances, but when it comes to him and I- I feel like Im talking to a brick wall.

Doesn't show emotion or affection well.

We don't have good conversation. He is very practical, logical (black&white) when it comes to people, human behavior, and emotions.

Also detail oriented when it comes to technical things- computers, cars, etc.

Very structured, well organized.


Basically, I know he cares about me we have been together for 3 years, but I am at the point were I am giving up. He doesn't want to and wants to keep working, but I feel like its who we are as people.

Is there any hope? If you do not think he is an ENFJ then let me know what you think he may be.


THANKS!!
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Okay, So i read the break down on ENFJ's. He is definitely one. I looked at it differently. But I guess he does fall into the category for many reasons. Very good at "disassociating" self from stress. Can be critical of others. Once takes on task he DEF finishes it. etc... so help with relationships :)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
P>S> He Would Hate the fact that I am asking "others" opinion on our relationship... is that a common trait too? lol He always gets mad when I do that, and as an ENFP you know I am open about Feelings and Such. Also, very emotional.

He also hates how I always correlate situations and arguments with the 'big picture' he is COMPLETELY situational and with what went wrong at that moment. I try to explain to him that it is the lack of certain things the make us get to this point but he also goes back to specifics.
 

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He doesn't strike me as an ENFJ. He sounds more like a sensor to me.. definitely a J though.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
See I am driving myself crazy with this because on one hand he resembles alot of the characteristics and just lacks communication and affection with ME. Around others and friends he is completely different. I am so confused.. I first thought he was a Gaurdian: Protector I think? This is all new to me so the functions and all I dont know too well.
 

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Yer he doesn't seem like an ENFJ to me either...I can't comment on what he may be...it is type difficult to type other but I comend that you are here and trying to sort it out - I would just suggest you try to see things from his point of view when it comes to conflict, at least you appear to have one that doesn't run away at the slightest hint of conflict, which is very ENFJ!

good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
See there are many similarities. Like he is genuinely happy. Nothing really gets to him, Im the one with all the issues it seems. Well thanks anyways for your input!!
 

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I was married 8 years to an ENFJ. It's hard for me to understand what you mean by "doesn't show affection well". Mine certainly didn't run from those things and would often go over board. On the negative side, I felt I was groped all the time and when he got really frustrated, he threw tantrums.

I have a lot of ENFJs in my life. They seem to like it when I talk about the "big picture" and I like it when they can narrow down a situation. In that way, we are very compatible and appreciative of our differences. We help each other.

Without knowing more, your guy sounds more like ESFJ to me. I was just with an ESFJ man and communication about the current problems with us were extremely difficult. He was often avoidant.

Whatever your guy is, remember it's important to be validated. It sounds like you may not be receiving that. If you come to your partner with a problem, it would help it if the other person could first hear what you are saying. And say they "understand you are frustrated". You may not be even getting that right now. He might be very sensitive to criticism and will tend to sweep things under the rug rather than deal with things. This is because every time you bring up a problem with "us", he might just hear "insult". But that is not your fault either. You have to be able to bring things up in a relationship that bother you in a non-combative manner.

Take a look at the ESFJ profile and see if you notice any similarities. Also, study the functions Si and Ni (ENFJ are Fe/ Ni and ESFJ are Fe/Si) It might give you a better perspective once you understand the difference. However, both have Fe and might often clash with your Fi. Research those two functions (Fe/Fi) as well.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thanks so much!!! This is the best advice yet, and funny enough thats where I originally put him. He is exactly the way you just explained, but does "understand" but I know he doesn't at times. I am going to look that up immediately. He opens up and starts to see once he is losing me. And the hopeful I am knows that he is being genuine but frustrated it has to always get to that point!! I don't want it to go that far.. Im flirting with disaster it seems. Thanks So Much!!! Pinkra U Rock!
 
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Discussion Starter #10
I figured it out, after reading and reading and learning the cog. functions he is 100% ISTJ. Your thoughts on how you think this may or may not work?
 
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