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Discussion Starter #1
I have this "friend", that I think or use to think of as my "best friend". I've talked to her about things I haven't even talked to myself about. Which is saying a lot. So the other day we where "play fighting" which we do a lot, normally about fake scenarios and stupid stuff. Well, this particular time she turned from playing to irritated very quickly.
I had seen this coming a mile away but normally it will take her a few minutes to filter out what she wants to say vs. what she will actually say. This time there was no filter she just started pounding me with accusations about not having a true "personality" and that I just folding myself into whatever the people around me want me to be. Which I will give to her is a times true but only because when I see people I sense how they feel ,what they want and need, and I do my best to accommodate them so they can be comfortable and feel "safe" in the environment. I don't do this because I don't want to "be myself" but sometimes people don't need "me", they need the really nice me or the really strict me, for example.
Being an INFJ I tried to take in all the information logically and suppress my feeling side, but the more I reflected it all back on her with "maybe your right"s and "I'll take that into account, thanks for your input" (which I totally knew would only further upset her but I was failing at not letting it all hit me, and I was angry), she started on my other "friends" and how the are "superficial" and take advantage of me and how I take advantage of them. She also admitting to only spending time with me because she found me "interesting" and it all meant nothing. I AM HER HOBBY! I let her know that I couldn't tell if she was just playing or really meant what she was saying with that she promptly rolled her eyes and giggled.:rolleyes:
Sooo confused. :confused: When it was all over with my emotions decided they'd stop by and kick me I the throat. l don't know what to do, everyone else I tell say to not let this come between our friendship, but I really don't see this going anywhere good. I have put a lot of effort into this friendship, should I just drop it?:frustrating:
p.s.Mind you I am pretty young (high school) so my personality is supposed to still be developing. I've tested INFJ all times I've taken it except ones tested INFP.
 

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It sounds like you guys set up your friendship for this kind of thing. The passive-aggressive exchange between play and real is a dangerous line when you guy didn't have set boundaries to begin with.

I'm sorry to say but truer things are said in jest.

I will be the first to admit that I had a friend who claimed to be my bestie (I never reciprocated), and I really did find her like a hobby. She kept me entertained and was a general dramatic trainwreck that I enjoyed watching. Eventually, she never took my advice, continued to do destructive things to herself while complaining, took advantage of me etc. So I got tired of her company and it wasn't worth it to keep her around.

It was the middle of one of one of her emotionally reactive tantrums when I told her she was being a pain in the ass. That is when the friendship ended.

Sometimes, you just need to acknowledge if the friendship is healthy or not. See if it's worth continuing on both ends.
 

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Do you talk to this friend about MBTI in an obsessive-compulsive fashion? I get this by her disagreement about your particular "personality." Perhaps she does not agree with the scientific accuracy of MBTI or is tired of hearing it-- and wants to talk about something else. Am I hitting any chords at all?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
No she barely knows anything about it. I never talk about it. I sent her an email about it once just so she could do it too . She said she never got around to it and I dropped it. The "argument" ironically started with the fact that "I don't get offended easily".
 

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Discussion Starter #5
It seemed harmless because it has always ended with us laughing or giggling. I don't normally have "emotionally reactive tantrums" and try to not be a pain in the ass. I'm normally the one she goes to when she is having a bad day or a panic attack ex. so I have to deal with a lot of her baggage, which isn't so bad I just wish she could see how much I don't like being played with, without it having to be an end all. I don't like being a hobby. But this seems to happen a lot, I care for others more then they care about me. How do you suggest I make this friendship work on both ends or make new friendships that are more "mutual"?
btw: I don't mean to sound so pathetic but I could use all the advice you have to offer.
 

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How do you suggest I make this friendship work on both ends or make new friendships that are more "mutual"?
btw: I don't mean to sound so pathetic but I could use all the advice you have to offer.
It won't work - get rid. I had a toxic friend in high school as well, so it's not pathetic. She was very emotionally abusive, which I can see going on here, as she does nothing but insult you then pretends she's joking. If you're nothing but a hobby to her, that's not a friendship, that's just you being a schmuck. Look, I've been there, it's not good for you to continue a friendship with someone who is so uncaring towards you. I cut off ties with her after she tried to make me look like the bad guy after she conned me out of a small amount of money (I didn't have a job at the time, she did - I'd paid for her to go see a comedian that I'd never even heard of and she said she'd pay me back - every time I asked about it she'd blow it off or insult me. On the night she shouted at me then gave me 60% of it. Told her to forget the rest and I didn't want to be her friend anymore later. She said ooh that's fine :) which showed just how much she gave a crap.).

I remember when this "friend" of mine would constantly make some thinly veiled criticism then laugh it off. I didn't find it funny. You're worth more than having this girl lay into you for fun. Get rid of her. It's clear she doesn't care about you and doesn't want to care about you.

tl;dr: she's a foe!
 
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