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Hello, ISTJ's! I, the friendly INFP, have a question for your logical little brains! My crush is one of you. Sadly he and I do not interact on more than acquaintance level, solely because we haven't ever talked to each other before (well yes we've talked to each other, but never one on one, and mostly small talk. I know that I abhor smalltalk, and I bet he does too.) and the fact that we are both introverts. My best friend, who also happens to be an ISTJ (are you noticing the pattern?), has told me to tell him that "I find him interesting and would like to get to know him better". How would you react if someone were to say this to you?under what circumstance would it be best to say that to him? What traits do you look for in a potential mate? More importantly what would make a person undatable or even unfriendshipworthy In the eyes of an ISTJ? And what can I do to form a deeper relationship with my crush, I want to get him to open up to me, because I already seem glimmers of what he is like when he lets his guards down and it is beautiful! All advice is accepted, more information upon request!
 

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Yes she does 'know' him but even less than I do. Deep down I know that her advice will allways be the best, because she can approach it from a place of logic, however I need a more reassurance of the plan's ability to succeed before I can pursue it. I am inexperienced and nervous as hell, but I don't want to come of as a creep or incompetent. Perhaps you could elaborate. Consider the hypothetical situation and imagine the response an istj would give. Also info on what not to do would be appreciated.
 

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Yes she does 'know' him but even less than I do. Deep down I know that her advice will allways be the best, because she can approach it from a place of logic, however I need a more reassurance of the plan's ability to succeed before I can pursue it. I am inexperienced and nervous as hell, but I don't want to come of as a creep or incompetent. Perhaps you could elaborate. Consider the hypothetical situation and imagine the response an istj would give. Also info on what not to do would be appreciated.
at the moment I am under immense stress and away from home, so I will need some recovery time but I will respond in a few days.
 

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Hello, ISTJ's! I, the friendly INFP, have a question for your logical little brains! My crush is one of you. Sadly he and I do not interact on more than acquaintance level, solely because we haven't ever talked to each other before (well yes we've talked to each other, but never one on one, and mostly small talk. I know that I abhor smalltalk, and I bet he does too.) and the fact that we are both introverts. My best friend, who also happens to be an ISTJ (are you noticing the pattern?), has told me to tell him that "I find him interesting and would like to get to know him better". How would you react if someone were to say this to you?under what circumstance would it be best to say that to him? What traits do you look for in a potential mate? More importantly what would make a person undatable or even unfriendshipworthy In the eyes of an ISTJ? And what can I do to form a deeper relationship with my crush, I want to get him to open up to me, because I already seem glimmers of what he is like when he lets his guards down and it is beautiful! All advice is accepted, more information upon request!
The assumption here is that said person is ISTJ. Assuming that this is correct, there's a few things you could try:

1. Be direct with the person. By that, I don't mean go up all of a sudden and confess your love, but find a common topic that he is interested in and ask him for his views on it. And be prepared to have a long, long conversation.

2. The age-old "get friend to pass message" trick. The difference is here, you could get your friend to explain to him how he could possibly react, since ISTJs usually aren't very good at figuring out this sort of romantic stuff.
 

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ISTJ's require physical responses "smiling greatly" , "always being happy".

But be warned they are not what they seem.

We are very dark underneath our kindness .
 

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Hello, ISTJ's! I, the friendly INFP, have a question for your logical little brains! My crush is one of you. Sadly he and I do not interact on more than acquaintance level, solely because we haven't ever talked to each other before (well yes we've talked to each other, but never one on one, and mostly small talk. I know that I abhor smalltalk, and I bet he does too.) and the fact that we are both introverts. My best friend, who also happens to be an ISTJ (are you noticing the pattern?), has told me to tell him that "I find him interesting and would like to get to know him better". How would you react if someone were to say this to you?under what circumstance would it be best to say that to him? What traits do you look for in a potential mate? More importantly what would make a person undatable or even unfriendshipworthy In the eyes of an ISTJ? And what can I do to form a deeper relationship with my crush, I want to get him to open up to me, because I already seem glimmers of what he is like when he lets his guards down and it is beautiful! All advice is accepted, more information upon request!

I'm married to an ISTJ.

Be honest and straightforward. Don't be deceitful, or try to second-guess him. He'll want you to listen to every detail before responding. If you want to know something, don't be too bashful about asking (if he doesn't want to tell you, he'll say so). He needs to know you're trustworthy, honorable, and not going to compromise his privacy, then he will let you in.

 

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If you want to know something, don't be too bashful about asking (if he doesn't want to tell you, he'll say so). He needs to know you're trustworthy, honorable, and not going to compromise their privacy, then he will let you in.
^ This. If you ask me something, just ask. I'll either give you the unvarnished version or I'll come straight out and tell you it's none of your business.
 

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I think the key to an ISTJ's heart(when they have at least shown friendly interest) is patience and fantastic timing.
@fairytales has some great threads about ISTJ relationships from an NF's perception.

http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/42501-i-am-thinking-i-want-some-ice-cream.html
http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/85751-present-ideas-istj-boyfriend.html
http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/37113-how-connect-istj.html

Fun reads. I still come back to them.

^ This. If you ask me something, just ask. I'll either give you the unvarnished version or I'll come straight out and tell you it's none of your business.
Oh yea, SO gives me the eye roll, says no and changes the subject.
 

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Hello, ISTJ's! I, the friendly INFP, have a question for your logical little brains! My crush is one of you. Sadly he and I do not interact on more than acquaintance level, solely because we haven't ever talked to each other before (well yes we've talked to each other, but never one on one, and mostly small talk. I know that I abhor smalltalk, and I bet he does too.) and the fact that we are both introverts. My best friend, who also happens to be an ISTJ (are you noticing the pattern?), has told me to tell him that "I find him interesting and would like to get to know him better". How would you react if someone were to say this to you?under what circumstance would it be best to say that to him? What traits do you look for in a potential mate? More importantly what would make a person undatable or even unfriendshipworthy In the eyes of an ISTJ? And what can I do to form a deeper relationship with my crush, I want to get him to open up to me, because I already seem glimmers of what he is like when he lets his guards down and it is beautiful! All advice is accepted, more information upon request!
hey... :) know what?? its really good to know i'm not alone in this situation..hahahah
but i guess i can give some of my crazy little things :tongue: u may find it weird but i actually did it..haha
i also got myself crazy for a good-looking ISTJ guy in our campus..i had a huge crush on him..:laughing:
due to so much curiosity that i can't sleep wondering what type his personality is, i personally take mbti test for him (since we are both strangers to each other and i cant get him answer it for me,off course) i have it answered based on my intuition and based on my observation on his behavior, though im not sure if it would be accurate..i can hardly believe that the result is ISTJ...so i take into consideration his personality type based on astrology (birth date) and the results are also matched... its quite hard to know him since were not even acquaintances..i've juz relied my answers to the test and researches i've made that took weeks..it was juz lucky that results are matched on my personal observations (since i am also stalking on him personally and on his fb profile :tongue:) he's really observant, he loves science, and though introvert, he is pursuing a career on teaching..he appears to be warm and friendly to strangers (even to me), and his confidence really impressed me..he is also very obedient to rules and regulations...so i guess, my assessments got it all right :crazy:

btw, i've juz read it from an ISTJ...i hope u find it useful

Originally Posted by Vic View Post
But I personally do like shy/quiet girls, because there's always so much being hidden away and it makes me want to learn more about them. Modesty is sexy, and when they do finally open up it's like making a precious discovery.
I never really thought about it that way, but now that I look on the past girls I've liked, they've been pretty hidden and modest..
 

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i guess this one will also be helpful for you :)

When he called you unstable and flaky was he being serious or was he using his dry humor? If it is the former, I'm inclined to agree with WhateverLolaWants about this being a bad sign. If it's the latter, I would interpret it as just being his way of complimenting how different you are compared to him.

I also wonder about what he meant when he said he would consider being in a relationship with you but needs time. Does he mean he needs time to figure out whether it would be best for him to be in a relationship versus staying single? Or is he just not sure whether you and he would make a good couple? I think choosing between staying single or committing to a relationship can be a very difficult decision, especially for those who strongly value their privacy and alone time. In contrast, I think once you spend enough time with someone, it's very likely you'll have formed a judgment as to whether the person is a good fit for you or not.

Speaking as an ISTJ male, being with a female who is financially independent and reliable is crucial for me. However, I don't want to be with a woman who is a female version of me if that makes any sense. Quirkiness and having differing hobbies and passions I think can make a relationship more interesting and enjoyable.
 

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Trying to get to know an ISTJ is like reading a book with 100,000+ pages. Yeah, it takes forever because like the others said we need to know that you're trustworthy and not some phony trying to exploit whatever it is you're trying to figure out about us :) My inner circle is pretty small, so I might be speaking for myself, but to get to know me is easy, but you might think I'm not opening up to you cause I rarely show my emotions. Eventually, if we constantly hangout overtime you will see this is really how I really am and I am not trying to hide anything. I'm just calm, cool, and collected.
 

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but to get to know me is easy, but you might think I'm not opening up to you cause I rarely show my emotions.
^ This. So many people think they have me figured out. What you see is truly what you get, but most people think there's that "fake" layer in-between, so they think I'm hiding something. Um... no, not really. Instead of guessing at something that isn't there anyway, how about you just get to know me?
 

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^ This. So many people think they have me figured out. What you see is truly what you get, but most people think there's that "fake" layer in-between, so they think I'm hiding something. Um... no, not really. Instead of guessing at something that isn't there anyway, how about you just get to know me?
Yes. I knew my ISTJ a couple years before we became romantic. I'd say the turning point was me not searching for these hidden motives and just getting to know her from the beginning. I was really depressed and I needed a friend. So I got to thinking that I already have friends. Maybe if I am the best friend I can be to them everything will work out. It worked she spilled her guts a week later. She said she was interested in me but I just seem as if I was "off limits."

I have learned over commnicating does not exist to ISTJ's . Also, you know when they don't want to talk about something.
 

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Well, something practical you can do: find a common activity.

If the person is an ISTJ, chances are the person works quite hard in the quest for some objective. If you can show that your actions contribute towards that objective, that goes a long way.

Of course, don't get all warm and fuzzy dreaming about romantic relationships and stuff - there is a lot of living between the loving. Go search "ENFPHedgehog" "TRUTH IS CONCRETE" and read that post about differences - that guy's post is gold.
 
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