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Hi Personality Café,
ISFPs and INFJs ESPECIALLY (INFJs because you're the natural relationship experts of the MBTI)
I desperately need insight into how conflictor types can best communicate love for one another. My childhood has been a tragic witnessing of just how well these two types DO NOT communicate effectively! I know the divorce is inevitable, but I have the same relationship dynamic with my dad (ISFP). I'm an ENTP, but when I was younger I didn't experience as much conflict with him as my mom did, because I was so "quiet" (depressed due to a completely unrelated issue that I didn't find resolve for until more recently, but that's too personal of a story so don't ask.) As a young adult now I'm finding myself, but this has also resulted in my dad and I clashing similarly to how he and my mom do. The most heart wrenching aspect is that although we miscommunicate to the point of feeling emotionally abused by each other, I think we all do truly care about one another. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help me to understand how best to approach an ISFP without offending them. I know us ENTPs can unintentionally come across very abrasively to feeler types and I want to learn how to be more gentle in my presentation from his perspective. (We think we're being honest and upfront, but then left scratching our heads on how quickly things dissolve into ugly frustration and hurt on both sides!) I know now that there's never going to be a normal kind of emotional closeness which children want with their fathers, but I want to at least be able interact with him in the most positive way possible. (I also feel like the more responsible party in the relationship since he's a very complicated man: he was abused as a child, unfortunately did allot of drugs as a teen (clean and sober now) and has a mental illness, all of which makes him a bit unique to interact with and hard to understand sometimes even more so than by just being my conflictor. I know it's both because I know another male ISFP and the only reason I crushed hard on him is that he reminded me of a healthier version of my father, they say girls tend to subconsciously gravitate towards men who remind them of their fathers! It was a really weird push-pull for me, naturally I didn't find him terribly attractive emotionally, even though he's a lovely person, just TOO QUIET and reserved!)
ISFPs: how do you want others to communicate/relate to you? What makes you feel loved? Especially as a parent, what are the most heartwarming things for you when interacting with your child?
INFJs: CONFLICT MANAGEMENT? How to avoid? Any insights, gut feelings you might get after reading my story?
There was a big family argument last year where it at least finally came to the surface that my mom and dad want to divorce each other (finances are the only thing in the way). Religious attitudes kept those feelings under wraps for a long time, so as painful as it was, it was at least relieving for them to admit what we'd all felt simmering under the surface for forever.

Both of my parents had abusive childhoods and the only reason they ever got together was because they both felt so beaten down that they didn't think anyone else would want them. Saddest reason ever to marry, but hey, at least I'm here now, right? But ouch, this has been no fun. On their own they are wonderful people, but if they hadn't been depressed and desperate when they met I don't think they would've been anything more than passing acquaintances.

P.S. Due to noticing a trend on this site of some "Know-It Alls" trying to retype people. If you aren't willing to trust my understanding of myself and my family's types DON'T BOTHER replying! I'm an ENTP, I've fucking examined all this from every angle for years and I'm confident of what I know, and you've never met any of us, so shut up.
Also you don't have to be ISFP or INFJ for me to be interested in your reply I'm just targeting these two types because I think they'll have the most to say regarding my situation. Thanks.
 

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I think in your situation you could need some other type of advice, more like a parents relationship advice which i don't feel able to provide. This said what i can really broadly say about communicating with an isfp (and trying to address it thinking about the miscommunication problems with entps) is that i tend to get defensive if i don't feel valued, or i feel mocked, deprived of the rights to my own feelings and opinions. I also know that isfps are not always easy to communicate with and sometimes we use the wrong words and the wrong ways. I think we need someone that loves us for who we are, that have our back no matter what. That knows and understands what lies behind all those acid remarks and emotionality and reactions. We need someone that says they understand and respect that parts of us and want to work with us, and not against us.

I don't know if this is useful at all but what i noticed is that (even if unintentionally) i often felt made fun of and judged by entps and not valued but derided, my opinions not really taken in considerations, my feelings something wrong to exist. My way of expressing used against me, my words turned inside-out. I felt hostility. I felt distrustful. I feel like i have to protect myself, hiding everything i really am to avoid it getting shredded.

So what i can say in the end is to prove him that he can trust you, that you are there for him always, even when he's having a bad day and does nothing but yell in anger. That you will go out of your way to accept him in your life and you really want to be part of his. Idk how much this helped but i tried to use my experience to give you something to hopefully think about :)
 
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@Incandecent

I think in your situation you could need some other type of advice, more like a parents relationship advice which i don't feel able to provide. This said what i can really broadly say about communicating with an isfp (and trying to address it thinking about the miscommunication problems with entps) is that i tend to get defensive if i don't feel valued, or i feel mocked, deprived of the rights to my own feelings and opinions. I also know that isfps are not always easy to communicate with and sometimes we use the wrong words and the wrong ways. I think we need someone that loves us for who we are, that has our back no matter what. That knows and understands what lies behind all those acid remarks and emotionality and reactions. We need someone that says they understand and respect that parts of us and want to work with us, and not against us.

I don't know if this is useful at all but what i noticed is that (even if unintentionally) i often felt made fun of and judged by entps and not valued but derided, my opinions not really taken in considerations, my feelings something wrong to exist. My way of expressing used against me, my words turned inside-out. I felt hostility. I felt distrustful. I feel like i have to protect myself, hiding everything i really am to avoid it getting shredded.

So what i can say in the end is to prove him that he can trust you, that you are there for him always, even when he's having a bad day and does nothing but yell in anger. That you will go out of your way to accept him in your life and you really want to be part of his. Idk how much this helped but i tried to use my experience to give you something to hopefully think about :)
 
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