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Hello all INFJs and other types veiwing this thread. I think an INFJ's opinion might be just what I need for this post. So here it does...
Should I be resentful of my parents? Yes.
And that's my biggest problem. Please help me convince myself that it's unfair for me to resent them. I hate how much I hate them!
My basic problem: My parents are too overprotective.
My parents do it for selfish reasons. I know what you're thinking, your parents protect you because they love you!
But I've learned that the world isn't as perfect as we all wish it was. Parents don't always love their kids like we think they do. Now, I'm not saying my parents don't love me. I'm simply saying that their love for me is completely separate from their need to be stubborn. They enforce rules that are completely irrational. They cannot reconsider decisions because that would be a sign of weakness. Even if the rules they make hurt me in the long run, they hold to them. Is that love? No. That's fear. Irrational fear at that.
The heart of this whole problem is that my dad has PTSD (comes with irrational fears and radical actions to 'protect' yourself and loved ones) What's worse is that my parents are traditional, meaning my dad sets the rules and my mom can't question it.
I wish I could understand PTSD better, but to me it's just confusing. It controls so much about what my dad thinks, says, and does everyday.
Why am I asking for help?
I'm turning 18 in a few weeks. I'm going on a foreign exchange, and I won't see them for an entire year. After that is college. If I'm going to fix how I feel about them, I have to do it now.
In sum...
1. I need to know how to love my parents in full knowledge of their selfish, untrusting natures. My resentment for them is so strong.
2. Is it reasonable to want to work at keeping a relationship that might just harm me in the end? Do you think it's hopeless?
3. If you know anything about PTSD in particular, that would be helpful as well.
Thank-you so much for taking the time to listen to me and type your reply!
Should I be resentful of my parents? Yes.
And that's my biggest problem. Please help me convince myself that it's unfair for me to resent them. I hate how much I hate them!
My basic problem: My parents are too overprotective.
My parents do it for selfish reasons. I know what you're thinking, your parents protect you because they love you!
But I've learned that the world isn't as perfect as we all wish it was. Parents don't always love their kids like we think they do. Now, I'm not saying my parents don't love me. I'm simply saying that their love for me is completely separate from their need to be stubborn. They enforce rules that are completely irrational. They cannot reconsider decisions because that would be a sign of weakness. Even if the rules they make hurt me in the long run, they hold to them. Is that love? No. That's fear. Irrational fear at that.
The heart of this whole problem is that my dad has PTSD (comes with irrational fears and radical actions to 'protect' yourself and loved ones) What's worse is that my parents are traditional, meaning my dad sets the rules and my mom can't question it.
I wish I could understand PTSD better, but to me it's just confusing. It controls so much about what my dad thinks, says, and does everyday.
Why am I asking for help?
I'm turning 18 in a few weeks. I'm going on a foreign exchange, and I won't see them for an entire year. After that is college. If I'm going to fix how I feel about them, I have to do it now.
In sum...
1. I need to know how to love my parents in full knowledge of their selfish, untrusting natures. My resentment for them is so strong.
2. Is it reasonable to want to work at keeping a relationship that might just harm me in the end? Do you think it's hopeless?
3. If you know anything about PTSD in particular, that would be helpful as well.
Thank-you so much for taking the time to listen to me and type your reply!