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World's biggest INTJ fangirl
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ENFPs I need your help!
How do you guys and girls get over a crush?
Seriously, it’s the most frustratingly debilitating thing in the whole world!! I can’t stop thinking about this guy. It’s completely distorting, disorientating and blissfully hopeful… It doesn't help that the chemistry between us is the most incredible thing I've ever experienced.
I want my brain back!! :frustrating:
 

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:( I'm sorry! It sounds like you have a bad case of "I'm in like with you".

Well, since I can only focus on one person at a time, I find the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. If you two are close then it will probably get worse. The thing to do right now is to convince yourself that those feelings aren't worth it...

I don't think I'd very helpful on this subject, since I find that it's really hard to stop myself from liking someone. It's not really something I can consciously control. For now I'd just say bottle those feelings up and then look past your infatuation and look at the wonderful friendship you two have! Sometimes it's just a temporary infatuation. You can grow out of it too.

But if you two have great chemistry, why are you giving up? Maybe he likes you too?!

Okay this wasn't very helpful. Sorry. x'D

*will also be lurking in this thread to see other people's tips*
 

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Simple cure for getting over your crush?! Listen to Oscar Wilde: just marry the guy!
"One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry." -Oscar Wilde

That might take longer than you want, but time and distance work wonders... Yes I also like @pinkoctopus's suggestion of finding someone new! Very true... But perhaps it is easier to find some-thing new and busy your mind with a challenging task or achieving some goal... Or perhaps turn to addiction?

Is it possible you can somehow harness the excitement to refocus your attention on the tasks at hand that need to be completed? Naaaw... Probably not...

Can you just act on your feelings? The best cure really is to either go with it and be happy about it and realize that to have a healthy relationship you must get everyday things done so you have time to spend together happily... Or you must understand and accept there is no chance for that kind of relationship to develop -- just ask him politely to shoot you down now and put you out of your misery and you'll get over it faster...

Sorry for my coarse humor, its just I'm in the same boat too, haha... So far I've just ruminated on it for a few months to little avail... meh...


http://personalitycafe.com/members/pinkoctopus.html
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@The King Of Dreams I feel your pain!

Thanks for the advice guys.
I don’t particularly want to find anyone new anyway. When I develop crushes I tend to form this ‘no one else is good enough/no one can compare to this guy’ complex so in the insanity of this whole crush debacle, I’ve mentally committed myself until I either get over it or I’m let down (brutally hopefully, the gentle ones are the worst because they always leave room for hope urgh).
I vented to a friend and I feel a bit better now. I think it’s too early in the game to start thinking anything more of it so I’ll bide my time and see what happens haha :laughing:.
Being the Introvert he is, he’s gone into his shell for a little bit which is giving me some breathing space to gather my thoughts (or rather feelings).
Here’s the bombshell for those who know me though… He isn’t even an INTJ! :shocked:
 

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OMG I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. I'm in that situation too!
Do your feelings sometimes fluctuate? Like, sometimes I'll be all "OMG HE IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER LIVED" and other days I'll be "eh if he doesn't give me attention, why should I care? I'm so getting over him from now on." But then of course something happens (ie I see him in the hallway and my heart explodes like a cherry bomb, or we have a really good conversation) and I'm back to square one, and the whole cycle starts again.
To make things better, or worse, he's an INTJ, so he's secretive and excruciatingly unpredictable.... T.T

Did you say you want help getting over your guy? First of all: why do you want to get over him? Does he know you like him? Does he like you? What's the situation? We'll be able to provide more insight the more details you give!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
OMG I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. I'm in that situation too!
Do your feelings sometimes fluctuate? Like, sometimes I'll be all "OMG HE IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER LIVED" and other days I'll be "eh if he doesn't give me attention, why should I care? I'm so getting over him from now on." But then of course something happens (ie I see him in the hallway and my heart explodes like a cherry bomb, or we have a really good conversation) and I'm back to square one, and the whole cycle starts again.
To make things better, or worse, he's an INTJ, so he's secretive and excruciatingly unpredictable.... T.T

Did you say you want help getting over your guy? First of all: why do you want to get over him? Does he know you like him? Does he like you? What's the situation? We'll be able to provide more insight the more details you give!
Haha that's what I'm normally like with my crushes but this guy (INFJ... so still an Ni-dom) has been consistantly attentive (with the exception of when he has to introvert for a bit).

Up until today what was frustrating me was the fact that INFJs are naturally good with people and my brother being an INFJ I know he has to deal with breaking a lot of girl's hearts because his acts of kindness tend to be misinterperted as him showing romantic interest when he is actually just being a friend (lots of people go to him for advice).

I've been freaking out that the same would be the case with me and this guy too... But I just noticed he's begining to get a bit fumbly and scatterbrained now, plus super attentive then suddenly aloof so I know something is up... I'll figure it out in time.

If he is interested, then yes I would be interested in seeing where things went, but if not then I want to be able to put it down to just another silly crush and have my brain back so I can pick up my pieces and move on.
 

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You could try enlisting in your country's most elite branch of armed services. I got a guy to enlist in the United States Marine Corps to help get over his girlfriend dumping him. I'm not sure if it works or not, but I got a referral point for it, and having referral points helps me, but I digress. I don't see why it wouldn't work. You also get a spiffy uniform out of the deal. It's a win-win.
 

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if someone's scatterbrained around you it's for two reasons- they're intimidated or they're attracted to you.. when you have a rapport with someone you can safely disregard the first.

i used to always second guess myself about people being attracted to me, now i know from experience that it is incredibly simple... do they act differently around you at all? check, do you or have you had a vibey kinda rapport with them? check, have you ever noticed them getting scatterbrained around you? (not always the case) check, are you attracted to them? (increases chances you are suited for each other) check, are you sure you're not seeing unclearly by feeling desperate for some reason (e.g. have you broken up with someone recently and looking to get over them) check, is your spidey sense poking you in the shoulder? check.
- they're probably into you. 99%.

-but play it cool regardless :p

for me the biggest sign though is how i feel. if i feel the urge to be flirty and teasy with the person it means the vibe between us must be right which is the best possible sign.
 

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My approach to this stuff is just to go for it. Why not just see whether you would go well together in real life? You could be in an awesome relationship right now or you could be able to move on if you find he isn't interested or you are incompatible. Building people up in your head will only lead to disappointment IMO.
 

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I'm on the opposite end of this problem. I have an ENFP (and not my fiance) who is in love with me. I want him to come to his senses and find a caring, available girl that will be good for him. :(
 

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I'm on the opposite end of this problem. I have an ENFP (and not my fiance) who is in love with me. I want him to come to his senses and find a caring, available girl that will be good for him. :(
Don't worry too much. If he's anything like *this* ENFP, he will eventually come to his senses (even if the truth has to be knocked into him)

We are tough little creatures despite the exterior 'fluffyness.' What doesn't kill us certainly makes us stronger ;)
 

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Ok, as dumb as this sounds, when I had a hardcore crush on a guy I knew would never like me back/knew it wouldn't work out...

I would find something that would make him totally unappealing!!!

Sometimes it would be true, sometimes it wouldn't... but if I could think of the same guy in a bad light I could likely get over and wonder what I was thinking in the first place. Use your Ne-magination :)
 

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Don't worry too much. If he's anything like *this* ENFP, he will eventually come to his senses (even if the truth has to be knocked into him)

We are tough little creatures despite the exterior 'fluffyness.' What doesn't kill us certainly makes us stronger ;)
I hope so; it's been months. I'm not really comfortable with him pining after me, and I'm certainly not happy about him being distressed. Is there anything I should do.. besides ignoring the entire issue as I'm doing currently?
 

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I hope so; it's been months. I'm not really comfortable with him pining after me, and I'm certainly not happy about him being distressed. Is there anything I should do.. besides ignoring the entire issue as I'm doing currently?
Could you talk to him about it? Or would that just make him more attached to you?

Or do you have any female INTJ friends you could introduce him to?
 

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I hope so; it's been months. I'm not really comfortable with him pining after me, and I'm certainly not happy about him being distressed. Is there anything I should do.. besides ignoring the entire issue as I'm doing currently?
Have you sat down and had a conversation with about it? Told him nothing will ever happen?

Some times these things have to be S.P.E.L.T. out for us ....and even them some people don't *get* it initially...

Honesty is always the best. Don't feel too bad about him being distressed, it really isn't your fault. He will get over it eventually.
 
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