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Hi! I am an ENFP female. I am best friends with an INFP male and have known him for more than 2 years now. Both of us are very compatible and do not have any secrets from one another. I recently realised that I am in love with him. After a few months of trying to suppress it, I ended up telling him about it. After I told him completely how I felt, he said that he had not thought about me that way, eventhough he thinks I'm a great person, mainly because of his previous relationship (which has left him a little afraid to trust again). He said he needs time to think about it, and I said I understood. It has been 10 days since I confessed to him, and he still hasn't given me an answer. I made sure that every time we met, there was no awkwardness between us. But I have been the one initiating the meet ups. He does text me more often now and initiates conversations via text a little bit more than before. But other than that, I do not see any differences in our friendship. I want to give him space to decide on his feelings. But I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be patient. Should I just ask him where he thinks our relationship is heading or should I stick it out and wait for him to come to me? Please give me some insight into what he is thinking.
 

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"thinking about it" can take a long ass time for INFP's, and it's stressful to boot. You seem to be approaching a limit for yourself though, so don't discount your own needs to quantify the situation. Figure out where you are at and how long is too long, and act before that limit arrives. More time may or may not help, it depends on what conflicts and variables he's trying to "think" about.

A universal answer here probably won't help, but setting a limit for yourself is reasonable. If he thinks you are awesome, keep being awesome. If you find it difficult, speak up but don't stop being awesome. It's his own struggle, don't put that on to yourself. Be prepared for "not now", and keep being awesome. Take care of yourself if that happens, don't leave the door open for later if that's not right for you.
 

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Can't speak too much because my experience is limited. But when I know, I'm all in. I have to hold myself back. Doesn't seem like he's at that point. Bringing the topic up again might trigger anxiety and a need to stop said anxiety by retreating.

Best friends how? You two physical? Sounds like friend zoning to me, he's not comfortable getting into another relationship. Unfortunate that it's more his issue than yours.

If someone brought up how they felt about me before I knew how I felt about them, I'd feel pressured to reciprocate due to the potential guilt of retreating. That may or may not lead to an increase in text communication.

Buuuuut, then again this is me speaking on my younger years' experience when I didn't know much about myself in relationships.

Hard to give advice like this because I want to say, wait (because he's most definitely still thinking about it) and then gently bring up your want to discuss things. That way when you do bring it up, he'll have had at least some time to able to work with you through it.

I don't want to say let him bring it up, because that may test your patience too much. Might take him a little too long to figure things out and then struggle to bring it up himself. INFPs can REALLY take their time with this stuff.

I don't think this is helpful. Someone else may have better insights to offer.
 

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"thinking about it" can take a long ass time for INFP's, and it's stressful to boot. You seem to be approaching a limit for yourself though, so don't discount your own needs to quantify the situation. Figure out where you are at and how long is too long, and act before that limit arrives. More time may or may not help, it depends on what conflicts and variables he's trying to "think" about.

A universal answer here probably won't help, but setting a limit for yourself is reasonable. If he thinks you are awesome, keep being awesome. If you find it difficult, speak up but don't stop being awesome. It's his own struggle, don't put that on to yourself. Be prepared for "not now", and keep being awesome. Take care of yourself if that happens, don't leave the door open for later if that's not right for you.
This. All of this. Such a better response.
 

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Give it time, he's probably sorting through a bunch of shit and weighing the pros and cons. Be prepared either way, but if he's in, he's likely all in so be prepared for that too. It's a weighty decision, so the longer he takes, the more he's likely really thinking about all the angles to it which is actually a good thing for you because that means he cares either way.
 

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Yes, as Blue Christmas and UberY0shi mentioned, an INFP is an "all or nothing" person in this area. That's why it takes a lot of thought. If he reciprocates this feeling, it's good. If he can't reciprocate, there is a reason and don't mess with it. Nothing good for either of you at the end of that path.

Keeping you close with texting is a good sign. Pressure is terrible for sorting through this process, but having no limits (for you) isn't reasonable either. If you need to talk it out to find/express some limits, be gentile and generic, it will feel less like pressure and more like positive communication. then with some open communications you can figure out where you two are at, and where you are headed.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
"thinking about it" can take a long ass time for INFP's, and it's stressful to boot. You seem to be approaching a limit for yourself though, so don't discount your own needs to quantify the situation. Figure out where you are at and how long is too long, and act before that limit arrives. More time may or may not help, it depends on what conflicts and variables he's trying to "think" about.

A universal answer here probably won't help, but setting a limit for yourself is reasonable. If he thinks you are awesome, keep being awesome. If you find it difficult, speak up but don't stop being awesome. It's his own struggle, don't put that on to yourself. Be prepared for "not now", and keep being awesome. Take care of yourself if that happens, don't leave the door open for later if that's not right for you.
Thank you for such a well thought out, kind answer! Setting a limit definitely sounds like a good plan. I agree completely with what you said - I should take care of myself too. I will talk to him the next time I meet him (which is probably a week from now) and tell him that I need an answer asap. And yes, I'll continue being awesome haha. You sound pretty cool too! Thanks again!
 

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Can't speak too much because my experience is limited. But when I know, I'm all in. I have to hold myself back. Doesn't seem like he's at that point. Bringing the topic up again might trigger anxiety and a need to stop said anxiety by retreating.

Best friends how? You two physical? Sounds like friend zoning to me, he's not comfortable getting into another relationship. Unfortunate that it's more his issue than yours.

If someone brought up how they felt about me before I knew how I felt about them, I'd feel pressured to reciprocate due to the potential guilt of retreating. That may or may not lead to an increase in text communication.

Buuuuut, then again this is me speaking on my younger years' experience when I didn't know much about myself in relationships.

Hard to give advice like this because I want to say, wait (because he's most definitely still thinking about it) and then gently bring up your want to discuss things. That way when you do bring it up, he'll have had at least some time to able to work with you through it.

I don't want to say let him bring it up, because that may test your patience too much. Might take him a little too long to figure things out and then struggle to bring it up himself. INFPs can REALLY take their time with this stuff.

I don't think this is helpful. Someone else may have better insights to offer.
Haha no, your answer is very insightful! Thank you!

He does seem very invested in me. Atleast as a friend. Sends me good morning texts and checks up on me if he knows I'm feeling low or sad. And he says that he misses me and stuff. So doesn't seem like he is holding back expressing his emotions either.

And no, we have never had anything more than a platonic relationship. Most that happened was we got drunk one night in a group setting, had a really deep conversation, and held hands.

I will talk to him if he still hasn't given me an answer in a week. Thank you for this. It helped calm down about not knowing what he's feeling. Patience has never been my strongest virtue.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Give it time, he's probably sorting through a bunch of shit and weighing the pros and cons. Be prepared either way, but if he's in, he's likely all in so be prepared for that too. It's a weighty decision, so the longer he takes, the more he's likely really thinking about all the angles to it which is actually a good thing for you because that means he cares either way.
Thank you! This answer made me feel 100000 times better. I will be prepared for any answer.
 

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Yes, as Blue Christmas and UberY0shi mentioned, an INFP is an "all or nothing" person in this area. That's why it takes a lot of thought. If he reciprocates this feeling, it's good. If he can't reciprocate, there is a reason and don't mess with it. Nothing good for either of you at the end of that path.

Keeping you close with texting is a good sign. Pressure is terrible for sorting through this process, but having no limits (for you) isn't reasonable either. If you need to talk it out to find/express some limits, be gentile and generic, it will feel less like pressure and more like positive communication. then with some open communications you can figure out where you two are at, and where you are headed.
Yes, I'll communicate my feelings with him too. It's best to have our feelings out in the open, I guess. Thanks again!
 

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Thank you for such a well thought out, kind answer! Setting a limit definitely sounds like a good plan. I agree completely with what you said - I should take care of myself too. I will talk to him the next time I meet him (which is probably a week from now) and tell him that I need an answer asap. And yes, I'll continue being awesome haha. You sound pretty cool too! Thanks again!
Don't say you "need an answer ASAP". As true as it is, it will "feel" terrible. Say something less direct: I've been having these feelings about you, about us. I need to know what this is, where this is going?. I'm having a hard time with it."

It says the same thing in reality : "I have feelings, I need feedback, I need it now", but it will feel very different if framed like that.

INFP's don't do well with direct communication sometimes, this is one of them. You can help the process along if you drop hints ahead of time, less for him to process on the spot. Processing on the spot is what you are trying to avoid here. It's one of our deficits.

This is just my opinion, I've found I'm not always a typical INFP.
 

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Thank you! This answer made me feel 100000 times better. I will be prepared for any answer.
Yeah, for sure. If he says no, it means he's thought it out and knows you won't be compatible, that he'd end up hurting you, or sees things down the pipeline that would not make it work, and him saying no is saving you from the emotional pain of being together and then having to end it. If he says yes, same thing, he's thought it through and is ready to commit, after analyzing everything and finding ways to handle anything that potentially come up. Good luck, whatever he decides.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thank you for such a well thought out, kind answer! Setting a limit definitely sounds like a good plan. I agree completely with what you said - I should take care of myself too. I will talk to him the next time I meet him (which is probably a week from now) and tell him that I need an answer asap. And yes, I'll continue being awesome haha. You sound pretty cool too! Thanks again!
Don't say you "need an answer ASAP". As true as it is, it will "feel" terrible. Say something less direct: I've been having these feelings about you, about us. I need to know what this is, where this is going?. I'm having a hard time with it."

It says the same thing in reality : "I have feelings, I need feedback, I need it now", but it will feel very different if framed like that.

INFP's don't do well with direct communication sometimes, this is one of them. You can help the process along if you drop hints ahead of time, less for him to process on the spot. Processing on the spot is what you are trying to avoid here. It's one of our deficits.

This is just my opinion, I've found I'm not always a typical INFP.

Oh alright! I'll make sure I approach the situation cautiously. Thank you :D
 

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Thank you! This answer made me feel 100000 times better. I will be prepared for any answer.
Yeah, for sure. If he says no, it means he's thought it out and knows you won't be compatible, that he'd end up hurting you, or sees things down the pipeline that would not make it work, and him saying no is saving you from the emotional pain of being together and then having to end it. If he says yes, same thing, he's thought it through and is ready to commit, after analyzing everything and finding ways to handle anything that potentially come up. Good luck, whatever he decides.
Thanks! :D
 

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i'd....not ask "where the relationship is heading." It implies you both are already in a significant relationship together, and at least for me, my Ne would be a bit on the fritz feeling like I was being pinned down when nothing was truely committed to and it may turn him away.

Leave him be ^3^ it sounds like things didnt get worse and if hes investing time into talking with you even more than it sounds like you may be closer to an inital relationship with him. Leave a wide birth for him to choose; though it seems silly, in my experience its 1 million % more relieving when someone says "you dont need to stay with me if you dont want to, id understand" than "please never leave me." Leaving that idea of freedom is liberating and might make a relationship from his perspective much more approachable and welcoming! c=
 
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