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Help infj burnout from narcissism, codependency and mankind - what helps?

:sadcloud::unsure:I am struggling to gain equilibrium, partly due to burn-out from the emotional support required of me by others. The final nail appears to have been a “friend” turning against me when I tried to self-protect, establish boundaries and reduce the level of emotional support expected of me. I am usually good at knowing people and it knocked my self confidence to realise I’d let someone in that was not what they seemed. Looking back I’ve also come to realise they were manipulative and could comfortably ‘love bomb’, ‘gaslight’ etc to get what they wanted. I still find it hard to believe but they may be narcissistic. I’ve always been very careful with my inner circle, and have never had my trust broken before. I’ve never even really needed to door slam (in this case I did). Couple this with how I feel when I look to the outside world, where I fear humanity is going backwards rather than forward, and I’m struggling. I’m tired, and find it hard to motivate. I want to curl up in a ball, to hide, to sleep. I thought it represented me needing some recovery time, like I often need after a period of socialising. For this reason I have been doing it for some months now but it isn’t helping. I still feel tired, I still feel warn out, I don’t feel it is helping. What can I do as an infj to get motivated and feel revived again? I am a lucky infj as I am not alone and I have a close caring partner, but motivation is evading me.
 

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There is a first time for everything in life but the recovery could take sometime and for some that could be years. This is why I don't go seeking people out let alone try to fit it, was once a pastors aid but that blew up horribly after five years then had to door slam a job last week so I know how it goes.
 

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I usually try get a hobby(or focus on your hobbies) in these situations.

I can see my progress in these hobbies instead of feeling like I need someone else to progress.

And eventually you pick up skills you wouldn't have had otherwise.

A few hobbies I've tried to keep myself busy:
-Keep house plants/a garden
-Learn to solve a Rubiks cube
-Build a computer for yourself or someone in need.
-Learn to play an instrument
- Learn to cook something you would normally only order at a restaurant.
 

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Use your rationality to make order out of your thoughts. Write down your thoughts. Ask yourself what's bothering you about humanity and be specific with your answers. Establish your value system, ask yourself what's important to you, what's not. Ask yourself all which you want to know since you know best.

From a more straightforward practical point of view I'd say you shouldn't take long breaks or revival from life, stick to schedules and routine because you they will give you structure and safety, find relief and let stress go in ways that don't paralyze you, so don't sleep and rest more than you need to, go out for a run, create something, talk about it with people you enjoy being with, read and look for advice from the smartest people that lived on this earth because it's all here online.

Most importantly learn to understand yourself, and not by reading on INFJs because that will only get you so far, the best you learn about yourself is by self-reflecting.
 
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That blows. I hope you feel better soon.

I think most persons don't want to intentionally hurt you. You have your patterns, they have their (toxic and learned behavioural patterns) and they unluckily coincided. Don't blame yourself too much for letting a toxic person in, it shows that you have a big and loving heart. I hope in the long haul your hearts becomes as big as it was.

But for now it's not weird or strange to curl up into a ball and be by yourself for a while. Talk to yourself, aloud, or write your thoughts down as was suggested by @TaiNFJ. Who do you still trust? Maybe call him or her to talk about your feelings and cry a little. You will feel relieved.

It's not your fault that some others are in a bad place. You are doing the best you can and did a great job escaping this situation. You saved yourself, hurray! Now see what you can do to prevent this happening in the future. When you're ready think of what your contribution to this relationship was. What was your role in the gas lighting and the toxicity of the other person? What would you do different next time? I'm sure you never meant any harm, but sometimes your (lack of) actions invoke reactions you really don't want. See where your responsibility lies in the story and use this to grow.

Read a good book about Karma. Watch encouraging videos on youtube. Eat well and sleep. Hug for you!:hugs:
 

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Video games and daydreams... with the occasional cry (not even kidding. Sometimes ya just need to let it out. Earth sucks. Few make it out alive).

Obviously, the best thing would probably be a good friend that knows how to have a 2 way friendship, but those seem to be few and far between. Till you can find one I recommend doing the things that energize you and give you life. No sense in just sitting around and twiddling your thumbs while waiting. You might as well have a little fun, eh?

I wish you luck in your endeavors, and I’m sorry to hear you got stuck in that spot. If it makes you feel any better, I understand what you mean and what your going through. All you can do is live, learn, and move on.
 

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Sorry you had this happen. I had a similar thing happened and it's not fun by any means. It did take me a while to recover, because it was a new feeling to me that I hadn't had happen and learned from earlier in life. One positive way to look at it, is think about it as a learning experience. I know it hurts and is a confusing time for you right now, but this is something to learn from. Getting into this mindset helped me to get over the event I had, also forgiving the person but remember what happened as to not get led into that rut again. Remember, not everyone will do this to you. Some people grew up in hard time with bad experiences and/or have some significant issues/struggles that lead them to do this to people, and sadly enough it's usually people that genuinely care about them that they end up hurting. And in this case, sometimes they don't intend to do it, it may be more of a poor method coping on their part.

Focus on your real friends and don't get stay stuck in the mindset that every new person you meet is going to do this to you again.

Remember, it's not your fault that this happened. Everyone potentially will have this happen to them, I know I did and it felt like the worst feeling in the world, but I did get better in time and I'm confident you will too. In the meantime​, try not to beat your self up about it. Although it may feel like the end of the world, it most definitely is not.

Talking to a counselor​ to help you understand why you feel this way may help also if you still have trouble. Just remember your not alone in feeling this way. Also, your doing the right thing by reaching out and discussing it. Sometimes reaching out and getting some support makes a big difference, despite how hard that can be for an INFJ. Good luck :wink:
 
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