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So I just met this ENFP on Instagram and we've been messaging back and forth. I'm an INFJ so I'm just fawning over him for so many reasons. We have lots in common which is great. But he got out of a long term relationship a few months ago....

So he briefly brought up that Gaga helped him through a breakup and I sent him a sweet quote and he said I'm too sweet and that he's learning to love again and appreciates what I sent.

Well we've just been having short convos everyday (initiated always by me)... But like I want to ask him out. But I also don't know if he likes me...

My instagram makes me look like a bit more of a sensor maybe since I've been trying to develop that side of myself so it's maybe not the most accurate depiction of me. But I also have lots of inspirational, sweet, INFJ spiritual stuff.

So I just thought to throw this out to all you ENFPs and see what you think I should do. I love you guys :love_heart:
 

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That's a sweet invitation for advice. There aren't too many people writing tonight. I feel like I'm the only one on-line. Don't worry, we will all get back to you. I've been learning to really trust this group, I feel they have my back and everyone's back that comes on on this forum. It's kind of a wonderful world here, I like it anyway, and makes me proud to be an ENFP. By the way, I feel a bit sappy writing this. I mean every word of it and hope they all see it too, but I'm also sick and coming down with something so I feel my judgement is goo. Okay, back to you! We need to hear about him as an individual a bit more. Has he seen your picture yet? How long has this all been going on?
 

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@CoopV, you are sweet indeed. :)

I have friends who don't mind regular short convos with several women/men at a time, they are somewhat interested but despite the regularity, they aren't truly invested. As an ENFP I could never really get that. How I spend my time and energy is extremely important to me. Even if I have nothing to do, I'd rather do nothing than invest in someone I don't enjoy spending time with. If your ENFP is anything like me, even though he's not the one initiating the convos, he's enjoying them. Why he's enjoying them is another question, that even he might not have the answer to (especially if he's had a recent heartbreak, his Fi might be a little out of order, but hey, it's very hopeful that he's learning to love again!).

When someone breaks our heart, it could be a big deal for us for a long time. Even if we thought we had moved on, some days it will hit us out of nowhere (something completely random perhaps, a dream or an image that brings up a memory) only to prove us we're not 100% over it. That doesn't mean we can't love again while we're getting over something/someone, it's just that we can't give our full capacity to love as part of our love is blocked somewhere deep inside. Don't worry, this will heal over time the more we open up to you and the more we feel your love for us. :)

It's important not to overwhelm him until he gets there. He might not be sure if he likes you yet to begin with. Give him a chance to figure it out by being around him, making it clear you like him, but that you have no expectations and are just happy to spend time together and see how it goes. It takes us time to figure our how we deeply feel about someone, even if our heart wasn't partially blocked because of a previous heartbreak, it takes us even longer when it's the case.

Don't let all this make you too serious. You shouldn't treat him as he's fragile or broken. :) It's lovely you are careful, but my conviction is that we best support others when we have faith in them and not when we obsess over how they are and if they'll manage. Enjoy sharing who you are (show him your depth and invite him there) and learning who he is (show him you get him, so few people truly get us! and show him you can take all that he is, so few people are able to), keep your mind and your heart open in the journey. Ask him out in a no-strings-attached way. Let it not be a date (we don't like labels). Tell him you've been enjoying your online interactions and you think it would be fun to hang out in real life. See how he takes it. Good luck. :)
 

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That's a sweet invitation for advice. There aren't too many people writing tonight. I feel like I'm the only one on-line. Don't worry, we will all get back to you. I've been learning to really trust this group, I feel they have my back and everyone's back that comes on on this forum. It's kind of a wonderful world here, I like it anyway, and makes me proud to be an ENFP. By the way, I feel a bit sappy writing this. I mean every word of it and hope they all see it too, but I'm also sick and coming down with something so I feel my judgement is goo. Okay, back to you! We need to hear about him as an individual a bit more. Has he seen your picture yet? How long has this all been going on?
So we've talked on Instagram so he's seen all of my photos and I've seen his. We've just been talking about common interests and I told him I was going to an event he said he's always wanted to go to. So he said he'd be up for it even though we haven't met yet. So I asked him out (waiting to hear back)

We've been chatting for maybe a week. He usually gets back to me a day later even though he posts a bunch of stuff on Instagram during the day.

As far as what he's like as a person... It looks like he was in a relationship of many years and I think he was the one that was dumped. This happened a few months ago. He says he's a "nerd" but he's very cute and he weightlifts. He just turned 32. Has lots of friends. Loves to play video games, yoga, weight lifting, works in marketing like me...

And I noticed something interesting where before we started talking he'd post things that were similar to things I'd post. For example, I'd post me with a friend in Greece with the caption "Thanks for helping me with my French." And he'd post him with his mom in Paris with the caption "Throwback to parlez vous Anglais with my amazing mom." Another one was I posted I was on the set of a tv show as an extra and he posted "Throwback to being in a boyband (which was a joke).

He also posted the morning he got my sweet quote and replied a video of him singing to Britney Spears's song "Sometimes." And the lyrics talk about her liking a guy but being afraid of being hurt so she says for him to take things slow because she's shy and scared.

Oh also, I found him on a dating app saying he just got out of a relationship so he's only looking for friends or maybe more... But I saw him post a few weeks ago on his Instagram story he was on a date. But never posted that again. Then tonight he posted him at a restaurant on a Sat night with a glass of wine. No datenight caption though... Oh also he previously posted a date stood him up and he was crying about it.

So what can I say... I'm head over heels for him from what I've seen and I don't want him dating other men... I just think we'd be right for each other...
 

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@CoopV, you are sweet indeed. :)

I have friends who don't mind regular short convos with several women/men at a time, they are somewhat interested but despite the regularity, they aren't truly invested. As an ENFP I could never really get that. How I spend my time and energy is extremely important to me. Even if I have nothing to do, I'd rather do nothing than invest in someone I don't enjoy spending time with. If your ENFP is anything like me, even though he's not the one initiating the convos, he's enjoying them. Why he's enjoying them is another question, that even he might not have the answer to (especially if he's had a recent heartbreak, his Fi might be a little out of order, but hey, it's very hopeful that he's learning to love again!).

When someone breaks our heart, it could be a big deal for us for a long time. Even if we thought we had moved on, some days it will hit us out of nowhere (something completely random perhaps, a dream or an image that brings up a memory) only to prove us we're not 100% over it. That doesn't mean we can't love again while we're getting over something/someone, it's just that we can't give our full capacity to love as part of our love is blocked somewhere deep inside. Don't worry, this will heal over time the more we open up to you and the more we feel your love for us. :)

It's important not to overwhelm him until he gets there. He might not be sure if he likes you yet to begin with. Give him a chance to figure it out by being around him, making it clear you like him, but that you have no expectations and are just happy to spend time together and see how it goes. It takes us time to figure our how we deeply feel about someone, even if our heart wasn't partially blocked because of a previous heartbreak, it takes us even longer when it's the case.

Don't let all this make you too serious. You shouldn't treat him as he's fragile or broken. :) It's lovely you are careful, but my conviction is that we best support others when we have faith in them and not when we obsess over how they are and if they'll manage. Enjoy sharing who you are (show him your depth and invite him there) and learning who he is (show him you get him, so few people truly get us! and show him you can take all that he is, so few people are able to), keep your mind and your heart open in the journey. Ask him out in a no-strings-attached way. Let it not be a date (we don't like labels). Tell him you've been enjoying your online interactions and you think it would be fun to hang out in real life. See how he takes it. Good luck. :)
Thanks! Yea I just asked him out finally so we'll see what he says... He seems to have gotten more and more interested with each interest I share that we have in common.
 
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