Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 56 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am an INFJ and in my past I met an ENTP who was not rude, but less sensitive to the feelings of others. He was kind of sweet to me, of course, maybe because he knew I was kind of shy? I have no clue why, to be honest.

But anyways, he was always kind of nice. He would sometimes give me advice about things or in rare cases indirectly tell me that I should be less sensitive about things. However, there was a period of time where we didn't have any classes together and we didn't really get a chance to talk. It kind of faded from there.

Eventually I messaged him, and asked him if he was angry with me. He replied: "um no, i don't know why I would be, I don't think we have talked in like a year" I know I have this emotional side to me, but doesn't it seem kind of callous?--compared to how sweet he was before.

There's more to it: He works at a library and sometimes he hears my conversations with people where recently I have become more outspoken. I don't want to revert back to being overly shy. I mean, I'm still shy, but not with my deep friends who I talk to at the library and if he overhears my personality, what can I do about that? I can't do anything because it's me, and I can't change that. I feel like he doesn't think I'm genuine anymore. I have grown out of a large part of my shyness, does it mean that he can only be friendly to the innocent girl in the past?

What did I do wrong, and how can I make it right? Someone help me to see this in a perspective that makes sense.

Thanks in advance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,437 Posts
Nothing you said sounds like you upset him at all. He was just being honest; he hasn't spoken to you in a year. Why would he be mad at you? ENTPs tend to go in and out of speaking with people for no particular reason. We get bored and then don't see a good reason to call you up, then maybe five years later will randomly pick up the phone. It's not a commentary on how much we like you, just us being fickle.

And I don't know about the males in here, but I'm not overly fond of shyness. It's not an automatic deal breaker, but I'd be happy if my partner felt confident enough to speak their mind around me, even if it was personal or a different view than my own. If you act less shy around him, he'll probably think you feel more comfortable with yourself and will appreciate that. There is no need to use hesitation around most ENTPs, or social courtesy for that matter. Be whoever you are and we will respect that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
I don't think you've done anything wrong. We entp's tend to dissappear without giving it much thoughts on feelings. There doesn't need to be a reason for this. As for the other part, entp's can also be shy. Why don't you strike up a conversation with him next time you see him? If you think about him you should act, not analyze.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,228 Posts
Um, he passed the time of day with you at one time because he is a nice guy, and why would he not? What decent human being goes around being unkind to people? He must have been really surprised when an acquaintance messaged him after a year to ask if he was angry with her.

Whether or not someone is kind to you does not signify whether they feel you are in some way special or want a deep relationship with you. I'm quite nice to my postman, you know?

I think you maybe have a tendency to over-complicate things, make them deeper than they are. Believe me, there is unlikely to have been anything hidden with this guy, if he'd wanted anything deeper he'd probably have mentioned it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I am sure you are very sweet and that you are nice to your postman :) I meant that he is of course, nice, but he seemed to be extra nice to me. I know I sound crazy, but sometimes he stares at me. I'm not hallucinating it either. lol. I don't try to pick up signs where there aren't any if I can help it, but I thought he was angry with me because of his friends. I got into a huge debate with his friends,and I was wondering if he was just angry because of that. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,437 Posts
I am sure you are very sweet and that you are nice to your postman :) I meant that he is of course, nice, but he seemed to be extra nice to me. I know I sound crazy, but sometimes he stares at me. I'm not hallucinating it either. lol. I don't try to pick up signs where there aren't any if I can help it, but I thought he was angry with me because of his friends. I got into a huge debate with his friends,and I was wondering if he was just angry because of that. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense.
I would love someone who got into a huge debate with my friends. :D

And staring is definitely a good sign. It means he finds you interesting, at least.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I tried striking up a conversation with him in the library. All I could say was "for how long have you been working here." hahaha, and that was as far as the conversation went.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
Eventually I messaged him, and asked him if he was angry with me. He replied: "um no, i don't know why I would be, I don't think we have talked in like a year" I know I have this emotional side to me, but doesn't it seem kind of callous?--compared to how sweet he was before.

I feel like he doesn't think I'm genuine anymore. I have grown out of a large part of my shyness, does it mean that he can only be friendly to the innocent girl in the past?

What did I do wrong, and how can I make it right? Someone help me to see this in a perspective that makes sense.

Thanks in advance.
You did nothing wrong, and like the previous posts, I think you may be overly emotionalizing the situation. By nature ENTP's do lose contact with people easily. I can tell you that 100% from many of my own experiences. His mind is probably on a million different random things at once and relationships with acquaintances won't often come up I'm guessing. While it sounds insensitive, unless someone is overly unique or extremely interesting, most ETNP's aren't gonna put a lot of energy into them. Politeness and interactions on a acquaintance level is what most people get from us.

If you want to get his attention, do just that. What hziegel said "there is no need to use hesitation around most ENTPs, or social courtesy for that matter. Be whoever you are and we will respect that." is absolutely true. We like when people are honest, straight forward and not worried about what we think(can be perceived as a weakness, which really some don't like :p)

Long story short, just talk to him. If you want his attention, ask for it. Simple as pie. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Really? You would love someone who got into a debate with your friends. The whole debate was on politics. lol. I definitely jumped out of my personality when I was debating with them...I mean, I was almost mean. I tried not to be, but I couldn't help it. I get too emotional about things I'm passionate about. I thought he found me interesting too...but if he's an ENTP, does that mean that there's nothing deeper than I think?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
It's true. I want his attention again. You don't think he would be weirded out or think I was crazy, if I simply told him that I want his attention?


Though, I don't want him to assume I am in love with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,437 Posts
Really? You would love someone who got into a debate with your friends. The whole debate was on politics. lol. I definitely jumped out of my personality when I was debating with them...I mean, I was almost mean. I tried not to be, but I couldn't help it. I get too emotional about things I'm passionate about. I thought he found me interesting too...but if he's an ENTP, does that mean that there's nothing deeper than I think?
Oh yeah, debating skills is like +10 in the awesome department, regardless of which side you take. And I think it's too soon to tell if he's attracted to you or not. In fact, it's likely you're not prominent on his radar if he's not openly trying to get you. So what you need to do is be bold and start talking to him more! Keep bugging him until he takes an interest. That's what my friends always do lol.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Lol. I am a great debater when it comes to certain things, but it depends on who you ask. When I think about it, he did seem more into me when I wrote opinion columns for the school newspaper. He told me that he loved my column. haha, it's just that he is so popular. People are always trying to communicate with him, and I don't want to feel like I'm competing for his attention.

It seems so impossible for me not to annoy him, because I can't act the way I want to infront of him. I heard that ENTPs find ingenuity unattractive. But I can't help but to become a completely different person when he's there.

haha, so you want me to start a debate without picking fights, and bug him without being annoying...gosh, I have a lot on my hands. lol
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Yeah, I want to be on his radar, but I definitely would love it if he were nice to me again...the way he used to be. How can I turn things around from what I did to getting back onto his radar.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
okay, before I even started this thread, I already wrote back to what he said earlier. This is what I wrote:
I just wanted to say that it was a honor being your friend. You were always very nice to me. You have a gift for verbalizing that I am sure I will never see replicated. I will not be surprised when you become president. I love what you have done with the school, and I'm sure no one can replace your legacy. Thank you for everything. Good Luck.

What do you think?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,437 Posts
....what? Hey, hey, nobody said anything about sucking up. xD Don't treat the guy you're into like some sort of holy being. Show equal respect. High praise isn't something I would expect from a potential date, and frankly it would make me uncomfortable.
 
1 - 20 of 56 Posts
Top