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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
If you can determine my tritype from this, that'd be even sweeter. If not, I thank you for checking this out at all. Also I mention this somewhere in my answers, but I am very possibly a Borderline. Take that as you will.

Thanks <3

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

I live in a state of duality. On one hand, I feel like I have a hero complex; if I can, I'd like to be a role model for young women to embrace their individuality and help teach them to think for themselves. On the other hand, I'd also love to just be a housewife with a couple kids who maybe sings in an all-female, empowering band on the side but leaves it as a hobby.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Although my answer to the first question might suggest otherwise, I don't feel much of a sense of duty to anything. I wanna make a difference while I'm here, but that's moreso because I don't wanna be bored up until I die. I feel kind of like Light from the anime Death Note who was killing off 'bad guys' and, when asked why he was doing so, he said 'Because I've been bored.' In other words, there's nothing I'd regret not doing by the time of my death.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I don't wanna make anything worse/I don't wanna be corrupt, in the process of trying to make things better. Sometimes I'm scared of the hypocrisy that may or may not be in the things I say, despite me knowing that I mean well. And that goes for all facets in life, from trying to help people to simply expressing my feelings in a hopefully genuine way. I guess you could also say, in that case, that I have a fear of being fake/in-genuine, as well, and not realizing that I AM being fake. Both are out of me not wanting to hurt anyone.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

-Getting in my own way. Ties into my answer to #3. It scares me that in taking certain actions, I'm not considering that maybe the problem is ME and not the situations I'm putting myself in. And that's worrying because I HATE feeling like things are fucking up outside of my control, solely because I'm being ignorant. It's like, how will I possibly know if I'm ever doing right or wrong?

-People trying to screw me over. I'm very suspicious of certain peoples' intentions. Especially when they get close to me. It scares me that they're playing me for a fool and I can't relax with them when I think that. It takes a lot for someone to put my mind at ease. I think it's at least partly for this reason, too, that I struggle with commitment. My thought is, "Yes, I'm really happy right now. Which means I could get really hurt later."

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I'd like others to see me as inspirational, pure-at-heart, and caring. I'm not totally sure if all of those things are true, but I'd like to think they are. Even if I do believe in tough love.

I see myself as a mess of various emotions and insecurities. I can't stand being alone/having no communication with others. I feel like I mostly know who I am when I'm with other people, maybe because their presence is something I can focus on and keep my head straight.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I feel the best:
-When I seem to be truly connecting with someone in some way. It helps me think maybe I do belong in this world, because "Hey, you're kind of like me."
-When someone is grateful for something I'm doing for them, or feels inspired by me in some way. I have my hair in an undercut, and a little girl wearing a cool bomber complimented it which made me so happy. It made me feel like perhaps seeing someone do something she thought was cool helped inspire her to keep trying to be herself.

I feel my worst:
-When, no matter what I do, I don't seem to be improving anyone's mood. Or worse, I seem to be angering them without meaning to. I'm not a doormat by any means; if someone gives me attitude, I'll give it right back. But inside, it sends me off into this spiral where I question all of my actions and wonder if I truly am being an asshole. That's a scary thought, since I don't know exactly WHAT I'm doing wrong if anything and thus am unsure of how to fix it.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

Anger - I have anger issues. This is most likely because chances are high that I'm a Borderline -- I feel everything very intensely. But anyway, when I'm angry, it's very outright. I'll set someone right to their face and get louder than them. My first instinct is to always let someone know that they can't treat me however they want to by defending myself. Then the anger lasts until I just kind of chill somehow. It's only after I defend myself that I start to question my own actions, unless I decide I really haven't done anything wrong which is rare. "It takes two people to argue."

Shame - Feeling shameful just makes me super fucking sad. I think it's safe to say that I go into panic mode and maybe feel sorry for myself. I have to have those meltdown moments before I can snap myself out of it and figure out where to go from there, even though they're a pain in the ass.

Anxiety - I'm socially anxious but a lot of people can't seem to tell; either that or they seem to think it's funny/cute because I'll stumble over my words or try to make jokes. I don't think I struggle with it the way I used to where it was crippling. I also experience workplace anxiety where I do some mix of stressing out and working at the same time. I just try to fight through it by continuing to try to be productive, believing it'll eventually blow over, which it typically does.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

Stress - I don't handle stress well at all. I'm impulsive as fuck. If I don't like the way something is going, I'll either talk to whomever I think is at least partly to blame and tell them straight up how I'm feeling. I'm sure that it sometimes comes off as accusatory. Or, if I feel I can't talk to them, I'll take an action I might regret (like going out drinking, overeating, etc.) to try and distract myself before the feelings weigh me down so much that I go to a darker place.

Unexpected change - It depends on the nature of a change, and where the change is taking place. If I have a friend who seems to be growing distant from me and my feelings about the friendship are staying the same, I'll freak out. But if it's a change I feel neutral or even happy about, obviously, I'm more accepting of it. I definitely deal with change a lot less easy at work because change often means a task might take me longer to complete since I'm still learning, and taking longer means my supervisors might get angry, which means I might get in trouble. The bottom line is, change threatens to shake up the things that give me security sometimes.

Conflict - Again, don't deal with it well. Most times I just want it over with as soon as possible, so I might respond too hastily in any way that I think might help me avoid the conflict. I worry about the affect it could have on my emotions. Negative emotions, for me, means internalized Hell unless I find a way to really distract myself from it.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

Authority - Because I'm suspicious of basically everyone to an extent, I generally don't trust anyone in authority. I think authority is a made-up construct, anyway. They're just people, like me, who are capable of mistakes and will likely fuck people over in order to cover their own asses just so they can stay in 'power.' I don't even like the idea of there being a god or whatever because I don't know what their intent is. Speaking of power,

Power - I also think this is made up. Power and control are illusions, set to make people feel like they're in charge of things that frighten them.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

Overall I think everyone and everything around me is trying to teach me something, or that everything is how it appears and means nothing. I go back and forth between those two views.

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

I'm not good at recalling past events like this. Something that happened recently is, my dad's kind of-girlfriend was caught kissing another dude by him, and because my dad really wanted to try and keep her, he had spent thousands of dollars trying to give her everything she wanted. Now he's in debt and can't retire from being a cop anymore.

I was immediately pissed at her. My dad is sick; he has fucking cancer. She knew this. She knew he had feelings for her. She knows he's sensitive and easily hurt by the people he loves (he's ENFJ.) And yet she let a whole month go by because she "didn't know how to tell him." I guess I should be more understanding but it's hard because I know how much she meant to him. What makes it worse is that my dad isn't the least bit angry with her as he's that good of a person. He still puts everyone before himself. It hurts to think someone like that hasn't found the right person yet.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

When I really value someone, it's easy to throw caution to the wind and appreciate them. But I still have my moments where I wonder if they're truly loyal to me. As far as those I don't know as well goes, it depends on the sort of vibe they give off to me. Some people, I like right away and am very friendly to right off the bat; if they're smiling in a non-creepy manner, if they don't ask questions that are too personal, etc. Others, I immediately have my guard up with and keep conversations brief with unless they show me that I might be wrong about them.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

I don't like or dislike anything about myself. I keep an objective, un-biased stance as far as anything concerning myself is concerned. My sense of self-worth usually comes from the impact I leave on others.

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I'm honestly probably not the most observant for some reason. My impressions of others have been wrong plenty of times.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?

If they insult me: I talk back. But when I'm alone, I question whether or not what they said has any validity.

If they compliment me: I'm just glad I could make them feel good.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?

Thankful I have: My dad, who has been my best friend since I was born and who loves me unconditionally. And my boyfriend, who is my second best friend and who's seen me at my best and my worst yet still seems to love me, as well.

Wish you could have: A family of my own. It would make me feel secure, as I'm living with two people who started out as friends but feel more like strangers now. I want the unconditional love and comfort that comes with living with family.
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