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I've taken a couple of tests. One said they couldn't readily figure out what type was, another said that I was either 4w5 or 5w4, and a third threw a complete curveball and said I was 3w2. I'm wondering what you guys think I might be! I think out of those, I can relate most to 4w5, but it's not a perfect match, and there are definitely parts of 4w3, 5w4, 3w2, 7w6, and even 1w9 that I can relate to.

For MBTI, I am either INFP/INTP. I think I might lean a bit more towards INFP, though I definitely also see a lot of INTP aspects in myself.

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Prerequisites


What age range are you in? 24


Any disorders or conditions we should know about? Nothing official - though my therapist has mentioned going on anti-depressants. I'm not taking medication yet, though.


Main Questions


1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind. This is definitely a hard question to answer for me. Broadly speaking, I want to be happy and fulfilled, which might not say much. Dream career choices include: Writer for a television show (basically I want to be Tina Fey) or video game, a professor of the humanities (history, literature, philosophy), or a human rights lawyer. I want to change the world, whether that be on a large scale (i.e. writing a good show, effecting social change through policy), or individually (being a really good and inspirational professor).


2. What were you like as a kid? I definitely wasn't considered traditionally "popular," but I had a solid group of friends who were also fairly nerdy and driven. I actively hated stereotypes, and went out of my way to defy them (I was on the science team, but also played sports and played the guitar). I have this one particular memory of contemplating the nature of consciousness while on a swing when I was 6 or 7 -- I was concerned about how my particular brain/soul wound up in my particular body, and generally who got to decide which souls went to which bodies. I never told anyone about these thoughts, though (you guys are the first to know!), and found it pretty easy to fit in with my group of friends if I kept my weird daydreams to myself.


3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted? My parents are a huge part of my life. They were extremely demanding through school, and I think that's in large part shaped my view of myself and how I evaluate my own success. They definitely want what's best for me, and I believe in theory they want me to be happy. When we disagree (and we often do - they're immigrants, and view life fundamentally differently than I do), they make their viewpoints known. I'm not good at filtering out their comments, and I think a lot of their judgments really contribute to my insecurity and lack of self-confidence. That said, I can't imagine life without them, and it stresses me out to think that one day they won't be around.


4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being? The most important value to me is being a compassionate and kind person. No matter how smart/rich/powerful you might be, it doesn't mean anything if you can't use your talent for good. I admire courageous and optimistic people, especially when they draw upon their strength to do what they want to do in spite of people who think they won't succeed. I never want to be someone who prioritizes my own personal gain over the well-being of others, and I strive hard to avoid materialism as well (even though I do have a weak spot for electronics. I can't wait for iOS 7 to be released. I'm not proud).


5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them? Fear of failure/not being good enough. Definitely has carried into the present day. I've also realized, more through my current workplace dynamics than anything else, that maybe I really resent/fear being looked down upon as "not cool enough" or "too nerdy" or just fundamentally not good enough to earn the basic respect of people who might be more traditionally outgoing or "cooler" than I am.


6. a.) How do you see yourself? On good days, I see myself as someone who is quirky, funny, creative, smart, driven, and compassionate. On bad days, I feel like I'm not really good at anything; I've made all the wrong choices in the past and have no way to recover; and that I will never be truly happy or fulfilled because the world's moving in a completely different direction than where my interests would lead me.


b.) How do you want others to see you? This question is surprisingly difficult. I guess I haven't really thought much about it. Broadly speaking, I want others to appreciate my uniqueness, and not be quick to pigeon-hole me into any sort of stereotype based on one or two facts. Sometimes I have these moments of insecurity where I'm afraid people don't actually like me, or are secretly judging me, but beyond that, as long as my friends are supportive, I guess I don't really focus on what particular image I want people to have of me.


c.) What do you dislike the most in other people? It really bothers me when people seem happy or fulfilled by things that I find trivial or banal, which are mostly materialistic. A lot of people at my work are perfectly happy just going out and drinking after work, almost every day, and that type of behavior bothers me -- not because I'm judging the alcoholism, but because it seems like that's all they care about in life. I really don't like phoniness (to borrow a word from Holden Caulfield), and people who spend a lot of time sucking up or being someone they're not just to impress someone.


7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
1) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
2) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else
3) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.

1) and 2) are fairly close - I don't see them as mutually exclusive at all, and there's a lot of overlap for me.


8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this? Most of my musings are fairly philosophical in nature. I think a lot about the meaning of life (or lack thereof), about history, about religion (as a construct, not a particular one). I also like to think about characters -- I write, and so sometimes I think about my characters in different situations from the ones I've written. I feel like these thoughts usually come unprompted, though I guess usually small environmental triggers might also lead me down the rabbit hole.


9. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst? I feel my best when I'm doing something that I believe in, and something that I know i have potential in. It's also crucial for me to feel like I had to work hard to become good at something, and that there's still room for me to grow. I feel my worst when I'm doing something that has no meaning to me, at which point I start thinking about how unhappy I am, and how my life will continue being unfulfilling.


10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - Usually I get angry when something directly contradicts my own personal principles. These situations might range from something personal to a bigger issue, like social injustice. Really small things might trigger me suddenly. I'm quick to anger, but also quick to get over it, which I sometimes feel works against me, since it quickly makes me more apathetic when I should hold someone accountable for what they've done. I really don't get angry very much, but when I do, it's very intense and consuming for a short period of time.


b.) shame - I feel shame when I've done something contrary to what I believe in. I don't really like talking to people about shameful experiences, because they contribute to my insecurity greatly. I do have a tendancy to replay the mistake over and over in my head, and this can go on for days/weeks.


c.) anxiety - Most of my anxiety comes from the unknown -- not little unknowns, but uncertainty concerning big questions like what I'm doing with my life. When I'm anxious, I tend to get withdrawn and have a hard time focusing. I think I become a bit short-tempered as well, and I think more things become triggers for anger.


11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - I'm pretty okay dealing with stress. Oftentimes, I thrive off of it, if I'm doing something that I love doing. Even when I'm not doing something I really enjoy, I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing and putting anxiety aside to get as much as I can done.


b.) negative unexpected change - I need time to process all change, and especially if it's negative. I think how I end up feeling about the change depends on what it is -- if it's mainly externally based, and has to do with events or people out of my control, I'm pretty good at getting over it and adjusting. If it's internally based, like I failed at something I didn't expect to fail at, it could stay with me, bother me, and lower my self-confidence for a long time.


c.) conflict- RUN AWAY. Unless the conflict was a long time coming, or I really feel very strongly that the person I'm upset with deserves to hear what I have to say, I naturally back down. I often feel like conflicts get very personal very quickly, and I never want to run the risk that someone blows the conflict out of proportion.


12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why? I sometimes end up taking a leadership role, especially if it's for something about which I'm super passionate or excited. Other times, if I'm more ambivalent, I am perfectly fine with other people taking charge, especially since planning and organizing can be tiring for me.


b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? I like to think that I'm helpful when I'm in a leadership role. I think the most important part of being a leader is making sure that everyone under you is clear on what he or she is doing. In social situations, I try to make everyone happy as best I can. I think one of the most important qualities in a good leader is fairness, so I always try to make unbiased decisions if I ever have to mediate or resolve conflicts.


c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? Depends. If I really respect the authority figure, I tend to see him or her as a source of inspiration, or someone that I want to be. If I fundamentally disagree with the authority figure, it gets a lot harder. Like I said, I really avoid conflict, so I usually don't call them out on their BS. However, it still makes me really miserable that I have to defer to them, and I think it often makes me more bitter and resentful towards the world as a whole.


13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't? I think I really like to appreciate people for their uniqueness. I hate being stereotyped, and I try to afford people the same courtesy of not automatically assuming I know their personality just based on a few facts. I love learning more about people's motivations and their individual experiences. I also think I'm more attuned than most to people's moods, as I can often tell when someone is upset, even if he or she is not very forward about it.


14. Comment on your relationship with trust. I am generally a fairly trusting person, especially when I'm around friends. Distrusting someone really stresses me out and takes a lot of energy, and I am fundamentally uncomfortable having to constantly look over my shoulder or withholding information from someone. I think I might be a little quick to trust, though I'm trying to be more wary about it since it's sometimes backfired on me in the past.


15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire? I think that I am generally fairly liberal, though I wouldn't categorize myself as a blanket liberal just because I tend to be liberal on most issues. As for religion, I would say I'm agnostic, but not with any institutionalized religions. I mostly think that math/science are so elegant and beautiful that I can get behind the existence of a God who did some design work when he created the universe, but I would never, ever, EVER deny facts of science for supernatural theories. I don't think my views really influenced anything in this questionnaire though.


Optional Question (due to personal nature)


Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it. Probably, to date, the project about which I am most proud is my undergrad thesis. I'm still super passionate about the topic, and I felt most the most fulfilled and alive while I was working on it. It was a massive undertaking, and I am still super proud that I conquered it, and conquered it well. My research topic was very unique and combined my two majors (physics/ancient history), and I loved being able to draw conclusions that scholars hadn't before because they were only approaching the question from one field. My undergraduate advisor is probably one of my favorite people in the world, and his support was invaluable and a constant source of inspiration. Though I definitely pulled more than a few all-nighters, it actually added to my sense of accomplishment, and I learned that no amount of work scares me as long as I really care about the project.


Extra Questions


Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)


- To constantly push yourself to be “the best" - That quote by Abraham Lincoln definitely always sticks with me: "whatever you are, be a good one." I don't need to be the best at everything, but I define success by being the best at what I find most meaningful.
- To be without needs, well-intentioned
- To replace direct experience with concepts
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation - I can't shake the feeling that the world would be a better place if we thought about giving a hand when we could, especially when it comes at little cost to ourselves. I also think a lot about how, if I were really having a rough time, the most I could ask for was for someone to try to help me, and how I'm fundamentlaly obligated to do the same.
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself - I always feel like my viewpoints are not important or not valid, so I don't assert myself as much as I should. I also really hate conflict, and I hate backing down to avoid it, so sometimes I feel like it's better not to say anything at all.
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient


What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?

a) I'm thankful for the fact that I have great friends and family who want the best for me, even if they don't always go about it in the right way. I'm also thankful for the fact that I am socio-economically well off enough that I can spend some time thinking about what I really want to do with my life. I definitely consider it a privilege that I have options, as opposed to being in a society where I don't have that freedom, or being in a situation where I have to stretch myself just to make ends meet.

b) I wish I was more confident and optimistic. I have a lot of dreams that I'd like to pursue, but a combination of bad past experiences and differing views from my parents have left me with a lot of insecurity about how things might play out. I wish I were better at turning off the doubts in my head, and having the passion, motivation, and drive that let people do amazing things.

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EDIT: I did not realize how long that was. Thank you so much for reading if you've made it to the bottom. I'd post my favorite .gif of corgis on a treadmill, but I can't post images yet. But if you google "corgi .gif", it's actually the first thing that comes up. :)
 
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