Personality Cafe banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
58 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am having trouble lately getting my parents to give me more freedom. I do what they want me to: I don't date, I come home on time, keep good grades, have good friends, go to church, etc. Yet, they still treat me like a little kid. They freak out over the littlest things. I just recently got them to let me wear makeup, but today, I wore eyeshadow that was a darker color that usual and I just about got lectured for it. Plus when I talked to them about going to prom, they acted like every guy I suggested was some gross animal that they had to approve for me. :dry:
I feel like they don't trust me, even though I do what they ask of me. It's as if they think I'm always picking up guys or something.
I don't know how to get them to allow me a little freedom,:crying: any advice?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,394 Posts
Hmm, I understand how you feel.. My parents are like that too. I tried talking to them and tried so hard to convince them otherwise, but they still didn't entirely trust me. I can't think of any way of explaining to my parents how much freedom is important to me.

My first thought would be to ask your parents upfront why they don't trust you. Or you could try convincing them otherwise. Didn't work for me as you can see.

If that doesn't work, then...well, I'm looking for that answer too....
 

·
mafia mod
Joined
·
13,335 Posts
Can you get a little more specific? Lectured about eye shadow, what exactly did your parents say, and who did the talking? and about the prom also. This will help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,560 Posts
Ask your parents what exactly it is about prom, make up etc that bothers them. Do they think you're gonna become promiscuous by wearing a darker shade of eyeshadow or are they afraid more boys will open up their eyes to you?

Now I don't know how comfortable you are with having boys over but perhaps you could invite the guy you want to go to prom with and let them see for themselves that he's not some kind of gross animal?

---
Hmm, I understand how you feel.. My parents are like that too. I tried talking to them and tried so hard to convince them otherwise, but they still didn't entirely trust me. I can't think of any way of explaining to my parents how much freedom is important to me.

My first thought would be to ask your parents upfront why they don't trust you. Or you could try convincing them otherwise. Didn't work for me as you can see.

If that doesn't work, then...well, I'm looking for that answer too....
That's when you disobey them.
They'll be raging mad and give you shitty consequences because of it but that's when you tell them and their consequences to shove it. It'll cause major fights, lots of drama but in the end they'll realize that "shit! We've got no control over this one!" and either
a) ship you off somewhere
b) start compromising with you.

Been there, done that and I can assure you it's worth the blood, sweat and tears.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
Talk it over and get some counselling if necessary (force them into it in a civil way). But I must say: make sure you're being reasonable too. If you don't prove you can be independent, chances are your parents aren't gonna give you that either.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
58 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Can you get a little more specific? Lectured about eye shadow, what exactly did your parents say, and who did the talking? and about the prom also. This will help.
My dad is the most strongly opinionated, but my mom does most of the talking. That particular day, my dad noticed that I had darker eye shadow and he said "Is that 'Mom Approved' eye make-up?". My mom told him it was and I was really happy because I thought she was finally giving me the freedom I have been working for. Then, later that evening, when it was just her and me, she said, "You know I really didn't approve of your make-up." I was then, completely miffed and I felt betrayed. She says that I don't need make-up and that I should appreciate the way I look because it's the way God made me. I know where they're coming from but they don't really seem to try to see my side.

When I found out about prom, I had a guy in mind who I wanted to ask, so I talked to my mom. She said that it was fine with her, but I'd need to ask my dad before I gave the guy a "yes". (I have to ask my dad to get to do a lot of stuff). Well, the guy already had a date. So, my friend wanted to set me up with a blind date. I menioned it to my mom, who shot it down right away. She said she didn't want me going with a guy they had never met before. (They seem to take prom waaaay too seriously.) I was really uncomfortable talking about relationships with my mom in the first place and that just hightened my insecurities.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Siggy

·
mafia mod
Joined
·
13,335 Posts
Thanks for the clarification. It seems as if your parents are coming from a strong religious background,and your dad being the final authority on everything. A response to the eye makeup could be "I know and appreciate that that is the way God made me, but I want to look pretty and better" Also you could ask your parents what they are afraid of?. Again it seems to me that they are overprotective and afraid.

As for the prom, you can beat them to the punch line by stating that you will be with your friends the entire time, ( not alone with the guy) and perhaps meet him there instead of him picking you up. That may calm some of their fears

Also some girls in your church may be in the same situation. You also may want to talk to them about it, and see how they handle it.

And sure I would feel betrayed also, and wondering gosh its only eye makeup
 

·
MOTM Feb 2010
Joined
·
4,773 Posts
Sounds like you need to move out of the house. If you're going to prom, you'll be graduating sooner than later. When you do, leave and come back on your own terms. It's called "emancipation." That will give you all the freedom you can handle.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
164 Posts
Oh man, this sounds like what happened with me when I was in high school. I wasn't allowed to wear skirts or make up. When I hit Junior year I started rebelling. I would wear it anyways. I started wearing all black. It was all mainly my mother. We never got along. My dad was okay with the way I dressed. My mother was just really strict. She wasn't religious, she just grew up in a really strict home.

I know why she was so strict. She didn't want bad things happening to me, but with my judgment I stayed out of more trouble than when I did when I followed her rules. It will get better once you turn 18. You won't have to follow their rules anymore. I'm 21 now and I can do whatever I please.

Talk to them. Tell them how you feel. I don't recommend rebelling because the outcome is never good. Strict parents can make life really hard but like I said, it will get so much better when you reach the legal age. I hope everything works out!
 
  • Like
Reactions: katarashamrock

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,238 Posts
I am having trouble lately getting my parents to give me more freedom. I do what they want me to: I don't date, I come home on time, keep good grades, have good friends, go to church, etc. Yet, they still treat me like a little kid. They freak out over the littlest things. I just recently got them to let me wear makeup, but today, I wore eyeshadow that was a darker color that usual and I just about got lectured for it. Plus when I talked to them about going to prom, they acted like every guy I suggested was some gross animal that they had to approve for me. :dry:
I feel like they don't trust me, even though I do what they ask of me. It's as if they think I'm always picking up guys or something.
I don't know how to get them to allow me a little freedom,:crying: any advice?
No offense But your lucky your parents are protective of you. you should be lucky. my parents didn't care or do anything for me. This allowed me too much freedom which is extremly bad trust me. If you want a little bit of freedom make put logic behind your reason and tell them you'll be with friends when you go out ect ect.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,238 Posts
Sounds like you need to move out of the house. If you're going to prom, you'll be graduating sooner than later. When you do, leave and come back on your own terms. It's called "emancipation." That will give you all the freedom you can handle.
I was once a Emancipated Minor at 16 and a half. Trust me dont do this. This was the hardest decission ever. But in the end it was best for me. If you want my personal story behind this feel free to PM me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LotusBlossom

·
MOTM Feb 2010
Joined
·
4,773 Posts
I'm talking about moving out of the house at 18 after high school. 16.5 sounds rough to say the very least.

Concerning your previous post, a great friend of mine was "raised" this way too. He could pretty much do whatever he wanted to, and he did. I envied him. Now that I'm a little bit older and wiser, I am passionately grateful for my parents' over-protection and I feel quite sorry for my buddy.

I was once a Emancipated Minor at 16 and a half. Trust me dont do this. This was the hardest decission ever. But in the end it was best for me. If you want my personal story behind this feel free to PM me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: napoleon227

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,238 Posts
Ah well my life was pretty tough. Moved into a aparement with such great and helpful people. Now im capable of being self sufficent ( I have a car,pay for rent,utilities,ect at 18) and have enough money for city college.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
229 Posts
They love you. :)
Seriously.

But i recommend sitting down with them at the dinner table at a non-dinner hour, and confront them and ask them why they don't like or don't want you to do things. I could give you some assumptions as to why, but parents vary. Overall it's because they love you and they're protective of you. I say you have really good parents who care. It may suck, but in later years, it'll be understood.
If they're beginning to play helicopter-parents, tell them. No good comes from parents looming over your head. They'll most likely see and understand you need and want your independent space.

My parents are still hesitant when I mention any sort of guy, and i'm 20 and almost out the door. It's instinct to want what is best and safe for their children. Any sort of 'blind' date sends out the highly explosive flares because of the amount of risk being taken, and the amount of unknown variables.

You could always have your friend call your parents and give the guy a good recommendation... especially if she knows him. She can also promise to keep an eye out for you.
I had to have my friend talk to my parents in order for me to attend a party... it was awkward... but i got to go, and had fun. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
I agree with nuue mostly, except for the confronting part. Instead of confronting them ask them to explain why they don't want you to go to prom. In other words, approach the situation from a learner's perspective, and let them know you don't know why you can't go to prom and would like to know the specific reasons.
After you have listened to them, paraphrase what they said so that they know you understand their perspective and were listening. Then try and think of counterarguments that dissaprove what ever reasons that they gave you.

For example, if they are unsure about your judgement, then think of a few similar instances in which you exhibited good judgement.

The important thing is to help them understand that you are growing up and are making good reasonable decisions.

You might also tell them the reasons why you want to go to prom and how much it means to you.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
I'm getting emancipated later this year in order to move outside the country for uni at 17 (since I skipped a grade in elementary school, I'm actually going to college at 17), not due to a conflict with my parents. My current relationship with my parents is based on diplomacy and 'getting things done', as far as everyday tasks and especially my education go. I avoid fights and try to meet them in the middle, since they do the same.

The bottom line is to try to preserve a healthy relationship. Constant bickering may cause way more long-term damage that it's worth, and although sometimes I feel like slapping myself after the nonsense I hear, why would I?
 

·
MOTM June 2011
Joined
·
6,992 Posts
OK, how old is the OP? Did I miss that somewhere?

EDIT: Her profile says she's 15 years old.

Advice: Honey, I'm older than you, I still get treated like a child. You ain't getting them to change their minds.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top